Tag: self-love

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! wine

Mood.  10:58

Like it never stops…  Trying to get into it, but…

Sent some writings, somewhere.  Tell you later, maybe.

11:26, quick day.  Everything moving fast.  Getting to what I can.

Throwing whatever against the wall and hoping it sticks.  Told that to the Nurse this morning, she laughed and said she liked the idea, the philosophy and practice.

Heading to VV later but the Nurse will be at hospital, so I’ll be writing upstairs more than likely.

The MSP… Stay on page as long as I can, if you’d accept the suggestion, symbol, inference or whatever.

Lunch soon with Mark, will be good to see him.  Be near his positive voice and energy.  Part of my return to wine’s stage and plane.  How I’ll continue the story… last night only having a glass and a half, then early bed with Nurse and so relieve about all of it.

We both woke early, energized and ready for the day, rested.  Me, overly eager to get to the office and write my wine notes while jumping from one IT service ticket to the fucking next.

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13:19 after meeting with Mark, feel a little better, but not anything significant.  No doing of his, actually reflecting on his words and advices.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

Need to write more poetry and in poem form, voice, dimension and realization. 

Coworker speaking of being jet-lagged, from MI.  The other, from FL, a former police officer… stories over stories.  Different lives and inputs, stories about their hometowns.

Breaks ending for others.  I should get back to the desk but for what.  There is no rush.  The desk isn’t going anywhere.  Pictures of my daughter distracting me, from 4 or 5 years ago, a different time and life for sure.

This chair is comfortable, making me stay a couple extra minutes.  Why not, it says to me.  Finish this paragraph, just don’t let it go on forever.  No need or time for those anymore.  There is nothing that is allowed to take me off my Road.  To discourage or douse me any one or any amount of ways.  I’ve decided my destiny and legend.  The gold is already here.  I am the shepherd, my own sheep.  That’s all, that’s it, that’s enough.  I don’t need anything, just what the story already has on page for me.

Understanding this more, the MSP world and activity.  All stems from the tickets, they are GOD.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life photog Productivity Readings/Writings

1001 words a day, sometimes more.  The American Dream is…. What.  Maybe just this,

being content with the reality, the current currency of things.

12:06 – The Chinese food in the kitchen is nearly impossible to ignore.  I. Sip my coffee in the white paper cup from my house with black lid, helps a little repress the urge to start my break now.

Resist, resist…. Thinking f completing books, discipline.  And MORE discipline.  Just as simple as telling yourself you’re going to do something and just fucking DO IT.

Agenda items for myself, like I’m running my own meeting.  Life and all the lessons and instruction in the day-to-day… every day its own startup.  Interesting, that perspective, no pressing myself to write some elongated prose… all I need is right here.

12:40… I got through all my tickets.  Shit.. what do I do now?  How about get some Chinese in the kitchen…?

Lunch done, back at desk.  Only one helping, of course.  Anymore I can’t eat that much.  Blessing, I guess.  My mood is completely turned around.  So grateful.  Credit the Nurse for most if not all of it.

I see what triggered me earlier.  Studying it, and moving on.  No dwell.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Productivity Readings/Writings

Coffee, coffee…. Focus on that for a second.  Having coffee in the morning, with the Nurse.  The conversations you have, the goals you discussed just a few days ago.

11:30

Much better.  Managing myself as an account, a project.  Starting with mental health, attitude, how and who and what I react to.  Calm… this coffee they ordered is magical.  Meeting at 14:30, have journal prepped.

More into the tickets, and writing about every single one of them.  Everything from Meraki renewals to printer questions, fully subscribing to the idea of synergy with technology and aligning with tech to make the world better.  The whole B Corp thought and practice.

Texting the Nurse, missing her horribly today.  Resorting to poetry, not thinking in so much whole sentences today.

Into the tickets, everything looked at and noted.  It’s interesting how some people just think shit’s going to work with no problems.  Can’t help but find that funny…

…

Anything from Eyes

I could be in a stretch of forest

With her

Or on sand

Flying

Defying science or any set of tenets 

I have new magic or some sort of 

Self-sown and show spell

What is there to tell

But everything

In this

Whatever she’s done

Delightfully undone, me

Finally

No pressure new pulse

New hum and song, notes

Lights and new road

She blinks and I’m with new key

…

Poetry always.  For the Nurse and anything else.

Business, parenting.  Running.  Wine. 

Whatever.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life photog Productivity sales-y

Day before.  Charging into the day feeling calm, finally getting a chance to shower.  Calm…

packing for DC, laptop and journals, camera and phones.  Light.

I always feel nervous but before flying but what choice do I have.  Going, and will note everything.  A work travel, like nothing I’ve had before.  President’s Club last year didn’t count, I thought this morning.  We went over there to relax, and play.  This occasion, business.  Orientation to more of the company, what ti does in this intersection of real estate and tech.

Sunday, our “chill day” as Jack reminds me. They’re calm, stressed about nothing… their only priority is the eased inch of the morning.  To-do’s, just that, and more of that.

Henry requesting waffles after his yogurt, Emma wants one more.  No requests yet from little Kerouac.  Looking through new conversations, and for some reason still thinking about … WHY…

Putting it out of my head, thinking of travel and how this one girl I met in the tasting room a couple months ago blogs and posts about travels and where she plans to go next.  I need to see more, I realize. 

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#blogeverythingnow

The storm will pass.  You have to know that.  It’s not what’s meant to be permanent.  At all.  Seeing yourself after, your own smile and the way you look in reflective pose.  Saying to yourself, “I freed myself, and I’ll never go back.” More than possible, it’s eventual.  You have to believe it, though.  Believe yourself and your own capabilities.. that this is not you.  You’re more, you deserve more, you owe it to YOU.  Maybe sounds trite, but that’s where my thinking resides this morning.  I can’t have it any other way.  Wanted to share with you…

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

…doing calls from HQ tomorrow, run as well. 

No excuses for not getting out today.  I’ll figure it out, all of it.  EVERYTHING.

Sparkling water, calming.  Peace felt now, some nerves about scenes approaching.  And feel like one of my students unable to write.  Stuck, near surrender.   Looking at desktop, starting to clutter again.  How did that happen?

About two hours, little less, til I leave to get Jack.  

Need to make something happen.  Go write somewhere, something.  This isn’t working, the room and desk and….

Needed a break.  Couldn’t find chocolate syrup at Safeway, walked around like a crazy person or someone who was just, or with dementia or something.  Got what I needed, enough to get through night for sure.

“Overthinking is a happiness foe.” I just wrote in the Happiness Project Journal.  Yes, working at office and one other spot, running from HQ and staying for food truck Friday.  Doing everything I want… HAPPINESS.  Having to consult the list I started, a list of ideas and topics and Roads for writing in the event I stall, or am kept in place by my own overthought.  Can’t wait for the kids to be here, they always help.

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HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

Latte, the kids, work – my composition of thinking right now. 

What does a writer do when his morning practice entails writing but doesn’t want to, and frankly can’t.  I guess stop, right?  Go for that walk?

Decide to not give myself that break, keep Mike Madigan in chair.

…..

Or not.  Th thought of a walk and a latte just too tempting, easing, something needed.  Outside, soft air and sun, no clouds, sky’s blue is gentler this morning, singing, assuring, comforting a writer like me.  Like Fall, elevating my mood and overall way.

Last night with the Orin Swift Sauv Blanc, quiet, not much happening and me not needing anything but the wine and its music, and the actual music I had playing which was no surprise Mr. Coltrane…. Composition.  Reminded of the value of the immediate.  Writing EVERYTHING as it happens so it can’t escape.  This #blogeverythingnow idea is far more inviting and framing that I thought initially.

Notes in journal… what I’m feeling as a writer, human, father, character.  One side, frustration for obvious reasons and then the other – entertained.

Not letting myself move quick.  Slower, more deliberate, measuring…. The kids are reading.  Minding all sentences and expression.

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HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

Calls done.  Went to Starbucks instead, after taking kids to schools.  The one here in Windsor, off Brooks.  Something different.  And I have to say I’m pleased with the decision.  Difference, Newness… saving a few cents but so what.  What’s of value is the shift in pattern.

With calls done, looking for project.  But there’s only one.  The moment, the Now.. here at desk.  Got a call, voicemail, I returned almost immediately and no answer.  Trading voicemails.  I hate that.  Part of it though, life, this, the morning, whether Monday or Friday at work it’s just part of the formula.

I’m too motivated this week, and especially after someone tried slighting me.  No attention to their cowardly actions here only that it made me feel more love and more momentum and BEAT toward what I seek.

Writing singular words in RECORDS journal.  Starting with “CERTAINTY”.  All words capitalized.  More than just emphasis but reiteration of presence and identity, the immediate reality and scene.  I can only win with this mentality architecture.  It, I, will never fall.  No matter how much some people wish I would.

List one thing, ACQUIRED.  Another, SATISFIED.  I only the type to fly, never die.

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HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

HAPPINESS.  Wow, imagine that…. Making it come to life on my own.  Yes there’s help from family, but the decision to be happy and free self from some voices.  What’s the most educating and enriching.  All on ME… ready for whatever.  Unafraid and eager for challenge and obstacles.  Battle them with love, and not battling. Interactions for the benefit of my character and story, THE KIDS.

They are the EVERYTHING in this AE story.

9:49…. I dreamt of this, imagined it, saw it as unattainable just over a year ago. And now, it’s the Now.

Grateful, incalculably.