2/15/20

Running.  All I’m letting self think about, meditate in and over, and be.  Stony Point Starbucks and of course my music won’t work.  No wifi, or maybe it’s my phone.  But, again… running.  Yesterday did my old route from Sonic for the first time in I’d say over a month.  The distance anyway, haven’t done THAT in a month or more.  8.12 miles, averaging 8.32/mile.  Just ten seconds under my best average of 8.22 for an 8-miler at lunch.  Will register for another race.  Which one, and how long.  Kind of want to do a 10k, or some random 8 or 10-mile project.  I’ll look in a minute, but this morning getting into my car a young man was running, approaching me on the other side of Mountain Hawk Way.  I opened the door to car and got in, watched him run down the hill.  I thought to self, “HILLS”.  Hit them, and hard today.  Running will solve everything, all of this that I’m currently in (which I’m not writing about, only RUNNING), everything in business, teaching, writing surely, and even wine and my projects associated with that.

Yesterday having lunch with JC, owner of KIN and the Publican Bar/Pub just down the street in Windsor, and KINsmoke in Healdsburg.  He told me his story, how he came to own several business, and what it all stemmed from was going out and doing, obtaining… no self-doubt or questioning.  None of that.  Then I thought about me as an AE, and running, and walking in the Berkeley streets and how I have to do that more.  This morning, and yesterday’s 8.12 and today’s hill project, is the start of something.  Yesterday toward the middle of my project, around mile 4 I’d guess, nearly sure, I thought of a tech company.  Of my own.  Starting with running, and focusing on all forms of health and wellness, happiness… living the life that you decide.  The quote from Emerson, about nothing being achieved sans enthusiasm.  I’m seeing that the enthusiasm can be compromised, hurt, stalled or paralyzed.  Not today.  Today is going to see something from me.

‘nother project… 100,000 words in 50 days.  This will be the only such aim.  And no obloquy, anywhere.  Only elevating and healing tells and riles, purposes and decisions.  This entry not part of the book, or series of books, but it’s coming.  And none of it posted to blog.  2000 words a day without any flicker of failure.

Caffeine starting to work, I think.  No music, which is troubling.  May go to Sonic as I’d planned, since I know the wifi works there.  And, it makes me think of my own company… all wellness, happiness, self-love and talk, education, everything that’s health.

Then, after the Sonic office, RUN.  Launch from Mountain Hawk, go right down hill, or start by going left and up, then go down that one street then up another hill.  Not sure how many miles I can accrue… may run to Montecito from Calistoga, then run up Fountaingrove.  But that’s too much uphill, and far too consistent and extreme extremity of incline.  I’ll figure it out.

8:41… more people in this Starbucks spot.  Not much in the mood for Sonic, suddenly.  Going o force self to go there.  Start a new blog, but don’t buy url.  First post, running.  Why run.  And why people that say they hate running should try it.  Running is only fractional consideration of what running is, or does.  It’s freedom, it’s breath, it’s sight and an angular accentuation of strength.

Started the site, or the startings of the site, ‘#alliwannadoisrun’.  Will absolutely have to run more, do more races (which I couldn’t find by the way, or none before April… all good), less wine and get up earlier like the young man I saw this morning running down the hill, wiggling his arms as he began the equator of his decline.  Not just running, and not just wellness… but assembly of SELF.  Discipline, happiness, LIFE.

YOUR life – YOUR choice …

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Wake earlier. Run more.

Aims with which I’m starting day, before meeting at 9 here in Rohnert Park.  Never written at this shop before.  No significance to it, just noting.

Also, write more.  Could if I didn’t wake so close to 7.  This exchange has thrown off my clock in a blizzard of forms.  Trying to right self, be more in balance.  Like Dad suggested… write in shorter form.

Fragments.  Notes.  Spun jots.

Move quicker.  Think I’ll go to 24hour Fitness here in RP like I planned to last night, but then reasoned to run from Mountain Hawk base, and didn’t do that even.

More discipline.

More strength.

More fearlessness.

More forgiveness of SELF.

More love, sight, knowledge, humility, ZEN, acknowledgment of the Now… why you’re there and what you can do with it.  With yourself in IT.

Smile.

Love the opposition, and rather than see it as opposition, love its invitation.

Lastly…. HONESTY.  And no reluctance in telling truth.  Even if it slightly or significantly harms you.  There will be elevation and a distinct climb rhythm that follows.

2/12/20

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Running is the

symbol, the lens, the massive metaphor you’ve waited for, the terrestrial and paradis…. the flight, the voyage, the map, the gem trove, the story, the song….sense, happiness, LIFE.

Running is THE Answer. Solution, sight, beat, magic. Answers and more answers, keys and invitation….

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8:13

Done with dinner, kids in bed and me not far behind.

No wine. Waking at 4 or before. Running at gym. Was going to do a “Garmin run”, running on the street for however many miles I wanted to put up, but I just don’t enjoy running when it’s dark.

So without excess analysis, speed work on belt. Hoping for ten. I’d settle for 8 or 9.

Tired, to bed early.

In the morning, new intensity for tuning lifts off.

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1/18/19

Mike starts with the normal morning tasks.  But he sees them differently.  With more love, more curiosity, more pace intention and momentum.  Mike tells Self that today will be let to go as it will and Mike will step in only when demanded, and by step in he means grab the wheel and steer in direction different.

Mike gets the necessary items for day done with surprising speed.  He does in fact surprise himself.  He says to Self he’ll be more farouche in his creativity and composition habit for day.  And all days forward going.  Misses class, still can’t believe what happened on Wednesday happened.  Well, he can ‘cause it was raining dozens of cats and double-dozens of dogs.  He needs coffee, he needs to walk around, he needs to itemize and inventory everything, be more calculated, or calculating, tally and examine his calculations.

Weather today, not making much impact on Mike’s perspective.  He writes down three aims, visions, for day–  A thousand words, run tonight, shorter sentences.  Quite simple, to the point, contained and contributing to Personhood and character coherence.  More than self-coaching or education, instruction, or even discovery or exploration.  Self-sight.  Being participatory in his read of Self.  Self, always needing capitalization.  You need to see Self as something prominent if you’re to progress, he says to Self.  Mikes smiles.  He finds something.  And that’s another aim… always present tense.  The Now is Godly, is God, is all Gods and Goddesses.

9:04.  Mike gets another cup of coffee.  His first here at office but third for day, morning.  The morning with everyone walking around happy it’s Friday and excited about the Quarterly meeting and assembly, food trucks later, and of course beer.  Mike vows to Self that beer will not be had.  Not only does he not drink beer very much anymore, the marathon was much closer than he estimated.  He needs to get into runner mode, extremely extreme runner mode.  Get new clothes for race, go for run tonight, at the horrible least 7 miles, 10 if he can.  He tells self that he will have sparkling water, and if there’s none in the tubs of ice he’ll buy one from the market, perceive it as a running expense.

Mike remembers that he has Monday and Tuesday of next week off.  He will run both days, over ten miles each run, and NO treadmill.  The morning sings more to Mike, encourages him more, has him centered and centralized in his own eye and poetic abide.

The office, Sonic as a company and character and business poetic voice has him feeling not so much fearless or invincible, but directed, set, assured he will get whatever he sees.  His sight is strengthened by Self, Sonic, the day, the way of ways in the morning and approaching day.  Mike tells Self that he will see his aims for day, that there is no other Road.  The marathon’s closer, 40 is closer, the new year’s been here for now 18 days.  Storm, Mike says, “Storm loudly and make music never before put to sound, to anyone’s ears or eyes, any senses.”

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05:29

Not the kind of run I wanted. Don’t see morning as loss, though. In any respect or touch. I did sleep through the 04:00 bell but woke by the 04:10. Tally win. Went to gym. 5 miles and some-hundred calories which I don’t emphasize but always interesting to see what kind of number I can put to board. But why didn’t I get to 9 or 10 as I yesterday dreamt? Water…. should have had more water yesterday and last night. Then, stretching. Pain in right leg, up by hip is easy warning that stretching be more emphasized in my running life. Here I now sit, though, post run, writing about running and what I want next. Pushups throughout day. And, more or less fast till 4 when guests start showing for Thanksgiving. Hard to not be hard on self for the run, but I can’t do that. As a runner, or the type of runner I want to be going into the two marathons first half of next year, I have to analyze. Deconstruct. 1, more water. 2, more stretching. 3, more core work in abdomen, pectoral, general center and sternum. Then, don’t start so fast. I know that had something to do with my 5-mile stoppage. I need to juggle the splits and intervals, speed stretches of the run.

Waking early is the answer to so much in anyone’s story. Even if it’s to wake early and be solitude-sown with your own thoughts. Waking early, earlier, is a demand that should never be ignored. More than a mere requirement.

Part of the business of running, waking at this hour. 05:38 and the running writer is WIDE awake. Typing on phone ad I don’t want laptop button pushes to wake the babies. Sipping cold coffee from the tumbler in car. Not much left. Sip slow, I tell myself. Don’t wake kids. My thoughts now go to vision, visions attainable then dreams that are still attainable but a bit distant.

Just caught self looking at word count. Why do I do that? Self-scolding after. Don’t do that, either. I fixate and form more focus in the Now. Where I am and what I’m doing. Cognition of character. What I want. How a writer approaching 40 will attain it. IT. Same thing they wanted before seeing Road. Narrative atop narrative encouraging more writing. I want coffee but coffee itself tells me to back off. Conversation last night with student, how my words reached her, showed her some benefits to trying new practices and approaches. Making me think…. what I have to do. Doing it today. Thankful for the Now, the craft, words collection, meditation. Here in the kitchen after a run with which I’m anything but thrilled.

I did it again. Looked at the goddamn word count. Same way I kept looking at how much time I had into my run, and how many miles. Qualitative and quantitative combatting for my attention and priority placement. Just write, I tell Self as I do students in the room with me. Measuring the day, not so much planning it while sitting here, drinking whatever’s left in this tumbler. Thought, stay thinking I tell myself. Keep your cogitation in a constant constant. It takes me to papers, papers I have to write. On literature, writing, thought itself. No more numbers, I order

05:47, 8. Now what. Sit on the couch. This tall boy chair is not so accommodating with this ache I hVe in right leg by hip. Now feeling tired. Don’t think I can fall asleep with the coffee I’ve allowed prance in circulation. And I don’t want to sleep, anyway. I will write this whole bloody day. Wine at table, family, appetizers, hopefully rain.

Just realized I left a book at work, on desk in my quasi-cube. Co-worker called it “my cube” the other day and I almost said something. Hate that word, cube. Reminds me of the Napa job, at “the box”. Forget it. Or not. Contributed to story…. The book I’m thinking of, want to read a bit of it. May be able to look it up somehow online but that’s not the same thing at all. That’s not reading. It scrolling, or skimming. Not even sure if it’s either one of those, honestly.

More than writing about running, I’m noting what I notice in health’s composition. Me– music, running, reading, writing, speaking and sharing ideas (not so much “teaching”). What I’m doing now I see as healthy. Not spending these early hours, this time here (now on couch), scrolling through some media feed social or other. But, with thoughts. My thoughts. This room, this day… now.

One of the guys with whom I work in field talked to me recently about taking more time to Self, establishing more rhythm in his daily motions and walk, speech, interactions with people inside and outside company. If you wake earlier, you will be allowed this. You can see more. You feel more and understand more of Self. You not only need to bring yourself to this place, but you have to desire it honestly. Not necessarily with purposes in mind, but just desire it for YOU.

Tired. Need to go to bed earlier. And again, drink more water. What if I were to close my eyes right now– Do I deserve that? I only ran five miles. STOP SAYING THAT. I switch my speaking pace and containment. On couch, looking around room…. hear nothing. No movement upstairs, no rain, utter sound void. Sniffle, hope no one heard that. Waking early, even this exhausted or tired rattle through my arms and face, eyes, has me pushed to more narrative, prose…. my running story. Anyone’s story.

Stomach. Telling me not to ignore it. Thoughts telling me to stop thinking. To lay down, rest eyes. Or, just sit quietly. After I…. no, no coffee. Sniffle again. Think I hear one of the kids. Writing over? I think.

Run eyes, core with storm, roaring and growling, a deep torque. I move.

11/22/18

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