1:47pm

Quiet.  In all respect and on all fronts.

Went to store down the street, bought some sparkling berry water for which I had the most persistent of craving.

Much to hot to run, so can’t do that.  Thinking of going around 7 or so….  Then, another part of me says take the day, don’t run, and do everything in your bloody human power and semi-discipline.

Keep getting distracted.  By news, email alerts, something around the desk, something.

Going to scribble in journal a bit, break from these keys.  Enjoy my water… detach and depart for a bit, even thought I did just technically get back from lunch.

1:54: Back from Sonoma visit.

Can’t remember last time I was in the town.  Visit quite brief, picking up these little breakfast treats for kids and going to Square.  Looked around in this wine shop wing of this story at which we stopped.  Planning two wines for tonight, one I’ll open around 3pm, a bit over an hour from now, to sip slow in back yard, or on patio.

Walking around the square with babies chasing them as they wanted to climb every tree they could and play tag with me encouraging me to chase them, seeing if I could catch them with a three to five second head-start, I thought of making June a test month.  See how many of the days of the month I can wake at 4am, run, write… finish a book on either running, sales, wine, anything singular.  Thinking it’s going to be running… make June the month I’ve run the most EVER in my life.

Setting alarm for 4am.  Will sleep in running gear… starting a story of runner devoutness, more than discipline…  Want to overcome my fear of running when it’s dark, like at 4am

Jack calls for me to work next to him as we did yesterday.  Will in a sec, log what I’ve eaten so far today… breakfast sandwich from Starbucks which was free surprisingly and a 3-shot latte.  Then just had the rest of my salad from last night.  Need to log what I eat, more…. Sipping a beer only after Melissa coerced me not to go for a run, as it’s Sunday Funday as she exclaimed.  Made me miss my Lancaster Ladies.

Jack sends me a message on LinkedIn (Did I tell you he somehow made himself a profile?), telling me to come work next to him.  His intelligence is daunting, frankly.  Will bring the new Dad laptop to kitchen, look through past photos on camera, and phone.  So excited with this new laptop… Bottledaux, the business, the startup, the culture and brand and movement, will start from its keys.

journal

5/27/20

Wednesday.

7:58.

Left bed and went for a 7.15 mile run.  8:39 pace.  Jack woke early and asked if I were waking soon, I told him no, he went back in his room and I remain there thinking… Why am I not up now.  Why not change things, change everything, with a single run.  So I suited, tied shoes, put some water in hair to suppress the quarantine cloud on my head, and I was out.  Starting quite slow, and noticing a bit of difficulty finding a breathing pattern that was comfortable and lock-step with my actual steps.  Finally finding it on Coffey Lane, after the Hopper intersection.  Later in the run I felt again like I was in Sunriver, running along the Deschutes, past the bridge and toward the lodge for a bit loop around the resort (thinking that could be about 13.1 miles if I stretched it or looped a couple streets). I needed a run this morning, and when I decided just after getting up that I’m going to alter a few fragments of my identity frame and general go of life, I knew I would have a run that would mean something.  That would do something.  I need to write more about running, I told myself coming back into the Coffey Park neighborhood West of Waltzer, south of San Miguel.  I thought of running in other states, a marathon early in the morning then having the rest of the day to write about it.. collect self and more or less relax in hotel room, or at some hotel.  Write about everything, how my back felt, what I’d have for lunch after the run, people I met… everything running. Looking up Oregon runs, one in Sisters.  Obviously cancelled from covid.  Something to note for later…

10:39… thinking of going out now.  Loud zoom call in the other room with Melissa and her students.. not sure why she doesn’t mute the shit out of them.  Jack and Emma upstairs talking to one of Jack’s friends over some kid chat app, where you can put faces on faces, make people look silly with effects, all that.

Need a run.

Need to get out of the house.  Should put shit in my backpack as I noted the other day.  Don’t be so anchored and latched to this seat, this desk, this corner.

9:42, running.  All I can think about.  So many in the leads group saying I inspire them to run but I feel more than unworthy of the remarks.  My last run, 8.5 miles, on Sunday.  4 days ago.  Unacceptable, in my head.  So…. Whenever I can, 5 mile, MINIMUM, today. Or, try for an hour run.. follow my counsel to a new friend trying to get into running… slow… don’t worry about speed, distance, pace, anything.  And, WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING.

Would love to go now but I still need to fix the babies their breakfast.

One of my leads is already taken by another AE, and has our services..  This happens, but is precisely what shoves someone to have their own tone and presence, product or service, what be.

Back to drawing board.  Going to stay there a while…

5 minutes from 4, and I’m off since the run.

What do I do.. not sure where I go in this day, with this laptop and what I could do…  I go to pen.  Make notes for the AE story… map out Day 1 when I’m back out canvassing.  But will that be after May’s over?  Not going to think about it….

Open a sparkling water.  Fascinating.  Having a beer with a co-worker over zoom, or Teams at five.  Not sure if I want beer or wine…. Wine.  Stay in wine shop mode.  This is all for the wine shop.  Experience, and vision, a practice that’s varied yet consistent.

Goddamnit why did I go for that run?

journal

7 mile run.  Come home have lunch, battle allergies and restless, crazy kids.  Two of them, listening to not one of my orders. Their only sense of order it the antithesis.

I did all the laundry’s best I could.. now finally back in office.

On run… more ideas than I could ever hope to remember, but one, a short story for time being called “Wash”, starting with a character in the tasting room at beginning of day pressing WASH on the machine, and at the end, thinking about a wash in a situation, or cleansing himself somehow of some stress, some angst or voice he just doesn’t want to hear anymore.

Thought about ‘sketches, notes, quips and ticks’ … a collection of writings for one of the new notebooks Mom bought me.  One, to start, if I actually start…. “Some people profess their awareness then when you turn their head goes back to its home in and under pebbles.” Another, “Running in a vineyard, what do I make of it and how can I focus on the leaves and rows, growing clusters over my steps, need to find some harmony there.”

Opening a new Pinot tonight, one from the Arista set.  The Russian River.  Hoping these allergies go away so I can at least mildly smell it.

Thought about my office on the run, be it in Healdsburg or now I’m thinking Petaluma… want those modern and simplistic desks, and for me NO desk.  Just a couch, most of my files and what be in a corner, supplies in a cupboard or tall cabinet.

Knowing this Now, then the Now that’s there waiting for me… blogging everything and—

Kids are quiet.  What are they doing up there.  The day, and they, don’t stop.  Is it time for wine yet?  Just wait a couple more minutes.. till a little after 4, as to dodge and not deal with any guilt.

Goddamn allergies…. Sniffle, wipe with paper towel, paper towel gross so go get another..

Should start that story, now.. With the character pushing the button then turning around and seeing someone there, right at ten, right when they open.  He owns the small winery off River Road, but doesn’t want to tell anyone.  He tells them he helps with winemaking and the tasting room, which is true, but not the entirety of what’s true.  What’s his name…  Ralph.  As in, Emerson.

Can’t think of a thing to write.

Went to lunch meeting, meeting at 3:30 cancelled.  Or whenever it was for.

Meeting at five which I’m looking forward to, and I’m getting tired of researching.  It’s all perspective.  How I see what I see.  Making self write tonight, for the 100k book.

Anxiety present and instrumental today, but I’m keeping it as offshore as I can.  Keep writing, reacting to what’s around me.  One of the trainers leaving early and I’m thinking I should as well.  Not convinced.  Wait… go to Balletto, stop in and say hi.  No, not in the mood for that either…. My Now consists of indecision.  Back to research…  Just enjoy looking at businesses in your vertical.. take some notes, but not too many.

Going to call one more business, then leave the office.  A bit under 2 hours till meeting.  Then what after that….  Write.  Didn’t meet aims of not lunching out (though I can expense it, so not a total fall) and fasting.  Excessively analytical today, must be because of other movements in story.

Office getting quiet.  Got coffee in back, not sure why.  Now it just sits on my desk, which isn’t really my desk anymore.  Trying to be in work rile, mode, whatever.  Not working.  I could just leave.  I am salary now.  So why don’t I then.

Run tomorrow.  Out in Bodega Bay.  Look for route.  Actually, do that now…

Can’t find any paths out there, but I didn’t look that hard.  Might take Healdsburg, or Sonoma.  Park by Sister’s house, or something.  Either way, I’m running.  Maybe not eight miles like last Saturday, but I’m getting out.  Tasting at DuMol re-scheduled for 3pm.  Can’t forget that.

2/15/20

Running.  All I’m letting self think about, meditate in and over, and be.  Stony Point Starbucks and of course my music won’t work.  No wifi, or maybe it’s my phone.  But, again… running.  Yesterday did my old route from Sonic for the first time in I’d say over a month.  The distance anyway, haven’t done THAT in a month or more.  8.12 miles, averaging 8.32/mile.  Just ten seconds under my best average of 8.22 for an 8-miler at lunch.  Will register for another race.  Which one, and how long.  Kind of want to do a 10k, or some random 8 or 10-mile project.  I’ll look in a minute, but this morning getting into my car a young man was running, approaching me on the other side of Mountain Hawk Way.  I opened the door to car and got in, watched him run down the hill.  I thought to self, “HILLS”.  Hit them, and hard today.  Running will solve everything, all of this that I’m currently in (which I’m not writing about, only RUNNING), everything in business, teaching, writing surely, and even wine and my projects associated with that.

Yesterday having lunch with JC, owner of KIN and the Publican Bar/Pub just down the street in Windsor, and KINsmoke in Healdsburg.  He told me his story, how he came to own several business, and what it all stemmed from was going out and doing, obtaining… no self-doubt or questioning.  None of that.  Then I thought about me as an AE, and running, and walking in the Berkeley streets and how I have to do that more.  This morning, and yesterday’s 8.12 and today’s hill project, is the start of something.  Yesterday toward the middle of my project, around mile 4 I’d guess, nearly sure, I thought of a tech company.  Of my own.  Starting with running, and focusing on all forms of health and wellness, happiness… living the life that you decide.  The quote from Emerson, about nothing being achieved sans enthusiasm.  I’m seeing that the enthusiasm can be compromised, hurt, stalled or paralyzed.  Not today.  Today is going to see something from me.

‘nother project… 100,000 words in 50 days.  This will be the only such aim.  And no obloquy, anywhere.  Only elevating and healing tells and riles, purposes and decisions.  This entry not part of the book, or series of books, but it’s coming.  And none of it posted to blog.  2000 words a day without any flicker of failure.

Caffeine starting to work, I think.  No music, which is troubling.  May go to Sonic as I’d planned, since I know the wifi works there.  And, it makes me think of my own company… all wellness, happiness, self-love and talk, education, everything that’s health.

Then, after the Sonic office, RUN.  Launch from Mountain Hawk, go right down hill, or start by going left and up, then go down that one street then up another hill.  Not sure how many miles I can accrue… may run to Montecito from Calistoga, then run up Fountaingrove.  But that’s too much uphill, and far too consistent and extreme extremity of incline.  I’ll figure it out.

8:41… more people in this Starbucks spot.  Not much in the mood for Sonic, suddenly.  Going o force self to go there.  Start a new blog, but don’t buy url.  First post, running.  Why run.  And why people that say they hate running should try it.  Running is only fractional consideration of what running is, or does.  It’s freedom, it’s breath, it’s sight and an angular accentuation of strength.

Started the site, or the startings of the site, ‘#alliwannadoisrun’.  Will absolutely have to run more, do more races (which I couldn’t find by the way, or none before April… all good), less wine and get up earlier like the young man I saw this morning running down the hill, wiggling his arms as he began the equator of his decline.  Not just running, and not just wellness… but assembly of SELF.  Discipline, happiness, LIFE.

YOUR life – YOUR choice …