9:51 – Too much in business mode.

And not excessively, just intensely, and immediately.  Ready to start the next week, get out to Novato and San Rafael.

Latte, last bit of caffeine for the day.  Emma whiny, possibly tired.  Don’t think rain’s coming, wish it would.

Monday notes:  San Rafael, walk, calls, usage of company’s website (do what they do better than they do, kind of mentality)… notes on NOT-selling/”Don’t do your job so much”.

Little notebook out, no poems yes… change that, write one now..  Done.  Don’t forget to type.

More poetry… more verse, more music.  No more sentence allegiance, paragraph subscription.

journal

5:22, and I’m up.  Minutes ago saw a sweep of lightening flashes, then more thunder.  Rained rather hard for a few minutes, now quiet.  Everything.  I’m unnerved, and annoyed.  I want more.  The “storm” must be moving away from us, our street.  Went upstairs and closed the windows in hall, then in Jack’s room, ours.  Shit, forgot Emma’s.  No rain now, or anything.  Like nothing happened.

Coffee, quiet.  Daylight trying to be noticed like what just happened.  Shouldn’t have had this coffee.  Should have gone back to sleep.  Starting new routine today, more core focus… situps, planks, pushup-holds.

Sipping coffee again, and baristas make their way to my brain.  How early they wake up, what that must be like to do that day after day after….

Crows and other birds.  No thunder.  The quiet in here, so odd.  I yawn, and reason no more coffee.  Will lay down, down here.  Yawn again, crow outside, like nothing happened.

……..

8:05am.  Up did fall back to sleep for a bit.  Difficult at first because of the coffee sips.

Both kids down here, more than active and moving, demanding.  Make Jack some cereal, then you can wager Emma will have the same demand. 

You know I’m already sipping coffee.

10:!0

Don’t know, should I make a wish or something.  Birthday essentially over, kids in bed upstairs asleep… birthday dinner that made me wish I could make something like that, or anything.

Wine and dishwasher running.. my glass last, starting to feel the wine and her vocals and caress and words, persuasive thesis.  I’m being conducted rather than conducting or leading.. my own ideas.  Run tomorrow.

Last glass, from the single-vineyard Cab, St. Francis of course…  no sip yet.  Need to slow.  Tasting earlier at Porter, couple glasses of Sbragia SB at Mom and Dad’s…  I’m in a the wined wind.  Seeing my shop.  Writing about every person that comes in… telling them about my tech story..  Speaking of, Dad gave me his old laptop, but not just like that… he went so far as to transfer all writings and videos, images and all other content from my old Apple monster to a new one, and with more memory.  And, he cleaned it.  Looks like a new fucking computer.  How did he do that…?  How does he do anything that he does, at his age or any other.  AND…. The not-at-all-human human cleaned and repaired the zipper on my laptop case.  I need to get my shit together, I thought… be like that for Jackie, Emma… and the other one coming.  Did I not tell you that?  M3…?  What should his name be?  Maybe…. Raymond… like Raymond Carver… OH.. should order some books of his, birthday present for me.  Didn’t get the shoes or weights as I said I would.. will tomorrow, with the Carver manuscript.

Jack wrote me a card, with a surprisingly acutely accurate narrative inside, telling me what he and his sister and mommy did.. how much he loves me and what his thought-of frame was for the day, for when I returned home from Mom and Dad’s….

Feeling the wine now.  Should stop.  Just listen to the washer.. interesting music.. makes me think of Sonic, the office, both buildings, going for runs on my lunch break…  Forever ago, feeling.  Why.. covid capsule and composition.. started re-start, stated.

Jonathan let me pull my own glass from a rack he has situated on a table upon entry.  He let me select my seat, I got back up and got glass as he poured for another couple.  Started with a Chard, then Vio’, then to red.  End, bought three.  Chard, Carignane, Zin.  Tonight after writing about the visit with more molecular body and weight, I’m scrubbing this Sonic laptop, and writing on it NEVER.  Only in journal.  So how will I type….  Oh, guess I will have to use it.  My point, using it much less.  Want to write by hand more, especially with verse, and wine.

3:35… kids still locked in battle.  Other families out in street, annoying me with their everything, but only when I look.  So I don’t look.  Heading to Mom and Dad’s in a bit, focus on that.  Reading tonight, couple chapters of Coelho.

3:48 = Kids inside, playing with some toy making a drippy-squeeky-ploppy sound. Think it’s that camera Mom and Dad got Jackie years ago.

4pm, will take a while to clean the desktop.  Much more cluttered and littered with PDFs, docs, lists, spreadsheets, and whatever else.  Learned, don’t put anything on desktop if you don’t have to.  If EVER.  Don’t do it.

this morning

May go work at coLAB, if I can.  Just for a couple hours.

I’m going to look everywhere I can for this last sale, and if I don’t get it then….. I don’t know.  Don’t want to think like that.  At the very least, I’m going to plan for next month.  Go more virtual, with my initial meetings and first conversations, get-to-know’s…. use the CommPortal and Accession.  Use more of the technology that I have available.

Have to take myself out of this mood, and Anna and I talked about this over the phone yesterday, about mental health during this time.  It was also broached  during the leads group meeting when a member told us he went to get a burger at a restaurant and sat outside, saying it was the best burger he’d had in recent memory, if not ever, ever.  He said there was a therapeutic thorw and angle to the burger.  I can imagine.

No one awake yet, but I know that’s to change.

Send flight plan to director, and GO I tell self.

Checking phone, 70 degrees at 1.  Perfect running temp.  Today no evade.

More poetry for day as well.

This quiet is odd, even more consuming and easing, entrancing than yesterday’s.  Was it yesterday? Get grades in by midnight.  Last time I’ll be doing this for a while.  Thinking, EVER.  I need to focus on my business, and everything in tech, with blogging, getting some estimates out there….

12:33

Haven’t stopped since the day left ground.

Poem written, now thinking about lunch.  Or a run.  Didn’t go this morning, why.  I keep wondering.. was it just laziness.

77 degrees now.  Not in mood to run.  Should I just make myself?  Have a wine meeting at EOD.

Posted video.

5/28/20

7:17am.  Haven’t heard the house this quiet in some time.

Leads meeting soon.  Coffee.  Even these key pushes roar through and shake the house I feel.

7:29, pretty sure we start at 7:45.  Cooler this morning, outside and now in leaving the windows open for natural air and saving money on power.

Tomorrow, birthday.  Need a run early tomorrow as I did yesterday.  Put all out for a run this morning, but I needed the rest I guess.

Zen… collection this morning.  Overcast of something, thin cloud layers.  Crows, several of them it sounds like celebrating the cooler atmosphere and streets, branches, whatever they grab.

Waking slow.  But awake.  Sipping coffee slow but at a pace that teaches me about the day and what I’m doing in this corner.  A crow walks by as I arbitrarily turn right to see the street.

Zin tasting last night has me more into Zinfandel that I have been, I think ever.  How much Zin do I want in the shop….. don’t think about it, or yes think about it.  I will, and I know where to buy from.  St. Francis of course, but also…. Well, I don’t want to say.  Don’t want to commit.  I’m like Santiago just starting his journey, resting before the next day where my herd and I lead each other to something.