12:27pm.  Lunch in 2260 breakroom, after meeting CTO and having discussion on this company, and what I do, what’s to be done, how to narrate and not so much a how-to but when thinking of this company and how people see us and what we do, what we have pictured.

Got a sandwich, and sparkling water.  Under $8 which is my ideal lunch budget, if I have one.  I do today.  Not too much a fan of this sandwich, but I’ll eat it anyway.  Have to.  People eating here, going out.  Me collecting thoughts after meeting and from day so far, how I want the week to go.  Conversations.  Start as many as I can, however I can.  After this hour or just short of break, catalogue all contacts and conversations.  Log them.  May even start a spreadsheet and I fucking hate spreadsheets.

Drafted a new email, earlier.  Short than the one I used before.  Finding that will be a prime and promising facet to my approach in this 100-day project, and my Sonic story.  CTO asked me, “What could we work on?” I told him nothing, but rather contribute more to existing momentums.  I cited education.  He asked for examples, I replied think-tanks, interdepartmental educations and forums.  Why have I not done that, already, myself? Maybe I could start today.  I will.  Again, conversations.  Conversation.  Learning how to build a business here and draw it, write it, already be there before you’re THERE.

There’s more than a whole book, here.  More than a career.  More, something for people to read, study. If it’s written.  I will write it, myself.

One guy, can’t recall his name, I think he’s rather new to Sonic, just walked by and into the changing/shower room, into the workout clothes he’s carrying.  Would run today but I’m still slow and a bit sluggish, lethargic.  Tomorrow I’ll run.  And meal prep.  Noted earlier that this is to be the best week of my life and certainly my Sonic story, so far.  So.. do everything different.  No wine, all week.  See if that happens, but I need it to. Need to rise earlier than early.  Write more of this book, more of what’s to happen.

Writer in the tech office, saying hi to passing friend from billing department.

Someone behind me playing one of the two pinball machines, another reading a book at the tall counter.  Went over to other building earlier, for meeting with CTO but also to look at what food was, is, available in the breakroom and already since my last visit which was a couple weeks ago it’s changed so much, so much.  I need the same do, today and all days in this week. Write more letters when back at office, shorter is better.  Send them off, to contacts from LinkedIn and elsewhere.  Log everything, everything.

Took picture of sandwich and water so I’d remember, somehow turn into the day’s narrative.  Should title the day.  Title it what.  PLANT.  I’ve planted something, an idea a thesis a direction a something to tell and share with the babies.  I see them working in my office, our office, creating, learning, self-educating.

9/16/19

Day FORTY-FIVE

Didn’t arrive as late as I thought.  Took Emma to school, and traffic everywhere.  People sliding and gliding on all streets and sidestreets, even the freeway.  Sipping coffee with no lid.  Already one aim for day met.  Starbucks, not one visit.  Not so much for the money aspect, though that is very much a prime part of it, but the time that it drains and feeds upon.  Yesterday I must have been at the Hopper location for close to 25 minutes between standing in line and ordering, having to repeat my order then wait for everything to be brought out.  Second aim for day…. Write at lunch.  NO eating off campus.  No going off campus.  And it was Saturday, not Sunday with the afore Starbucks visit.

Meetings all day.  Or, not all day, but three throughout day.  Driving back to Petaluma shortly, to meet with the prospect from Friday.  Keep conversation alive and sped, steadfast.  Last aim for day for day, centralize in my practice here at Sonic.  Which is of course the conversation, but more than that… community, but even more than that.  Not sure I have a word for it quite yet.  I know what I intend and intone, but don’t have words placed.  No matter.  I don’t need words, or a singular word.  I’m overthinking this, as I do most things.  In tech, encourage and provoked to put my own definition and dote to it.

Okay… ready for this set of pages.  The day.  Today. Keep writing, stop thinking… want to start conversations, carry them to places I don’t know… want to feel imbalance, off-kilter (much I hate that word).  Learn…. Take notes…  Study.  Take your time.  There is no value in rushing, stressing, overthinking.  Ever.  Notes on post-it’s… an idea.  Now I’m more than eager for the pages approaching my shore.

#blogitallnow

Starting day with a money project.  One I just thought of.  And, taking notes for next week.  One, don’t be in the office.  Canvass, knock on doors, meet everyone in business you can.  Save Friday for in-office day, admin and strategizing.

Today, a minimal spend day.  Not a no-spend.  Get a run in, somehow.  Someone in leads group suggested a running book.  Might buy later, have plenty to read now with current texts for classes and papers, and my own writing.  Need follow own counsel of reading aloud what I write, like I taught in last week’s meetings.  Get grading done today, if I can.  Can I?  Yes.  Do I want to?  Not at fucking all.  I laugh as I still struggle with grading, but have improved galactically as a “teacher” and speaker.

Started the book yesterday, when on break and before meeting the IT guy at Del Valle, where we both had a beer and tacos.  With the heat outside and a bit in that little family-sung building a beer has never tasted so romantic and harmonious with a day’s weather.  Anyway, the book…. Writer in the tech world, or internet world, somewhere where you wouldn’t expect him.

8:02, babies awake.  Jack in trouble for something he did and I struggle to be the angry parent of retribution.  I’ve expressed to him that I’m not pleased with what he did but I assured and reassured that I love him and that I’m his daddy and I will always be his daddy and love him.  Should I have not done that?  Far more important than money, or any tracking of money, budgeting, any associated mood.

Another part of next week’s Sonic plan—do more of what I like, what makes me happy.  Which is pretty much everything, but the elements which make me most happy will receive voluminous intent and focus, and presence and practice.  This was to me very much said when I met with the Petaluma prospect, and I spoke Sonic and its offerings.  I felt more confident with the more technical and connective composition than I thought I would.  I felt confident, happy, home.

project

9/13/19

Done with first initial appointment on my own.  Confidence is present, but I want to learn more.  About the technical facet to this business and what Sonic does.  Do I want to be a Sales Engineer?  No, but sort of.

Just settling into office, not letting self think too much about any one singular entrapping thing.  Not that anything is entrapping, but I know what I mean by that.  You might not, but don’t fret.  Last night looking at students while I was lecturing, seeing them take notes and much more orderly than I do in the little pages, at least up until a certain point yesterday, I take out the bigger journal, I did, this morning from car.  It was just sitting there in the trunk of the foul Prius, and the intention to the bigger journal has always been full lines and full pages.  A pressuring of self which will always prove to be lucrative and productive, and more than productive, loving the labor of love and evidence of such.

Got self a latte, Olivia a Chai something with hazelnut.  I don’t usually celebrate Fridays, but I do this one.  And not from having tomorrow, technically, “off”.  There are no days off, only a writing of self and more and more writing of what’s around me.  Reading Road last night with the 1A seats, everything they think and the questions they would share with me concerning Dean and Sal and their relationship, I think of me and my travels here in this office, at Sonic, in the AAE/AE character.  Everything connecting.  “Everything is Everything”, which sounds despicably simple and banal, but all the same valid and informative.

Distracted by conversation….  Why not.  One of those days, or not just one, but now, this time at my desk.  Appointment later to go over morning appointment.  Learn more, and be fearless in my pursuit, YOUR pursuit, of education.  Going to take a break in a few, or not a break but moment to write.  Write more and keep writing.  Start the book… thought from last night.  What on? Wine, of course, and the wine writer at a tech company.  First person… no, third.  NO… FIRST.  Okay.  So that’s decided more or less.  And don’t sell the book.  Keep moving.. be like your students, more like your students and less like yourself.  Study, simplify.  Last night having some Rose, then the rest of the Grenache which was only about a glass and a quarter.  I don’t want the tasting room anymore, but then I do.  Then I shift my approach and thought throws to just go in and have fun.  Deliberately try NOT to work

Wine writer in a tech company.  And how I spoke of what we offer business clients was with the same heart and vibrantce, the same ebullience as I do with wine, and literature, and writing, reading, to the students and how I urge them to make the semester about their story and not the curriculum coffin or some demands from the department, or the school.

My focus in the tech world, and Sonic very much instilled this, is Onus. Making it your own. I remember asking the guy who trained me, Luke, one of the kindest most eager to help humans I’ve ever met, what he likes about working here, and he said “You get to make it your own.” And since stepping into this department, I see that with even more formidable force.

Creative… words… where I’m from, what I enjoy.  Wine, running… talking, connecting.  Everyday this week has been a progression to a finely tuned centeredness that I’ve before felt.

Day FORTY-ONE

So much around me buzzing and circling with antagonistic aptitude.  Cleared off desk.  In one of those ‘don’t know what to write’ wheels.  How do I get out, by not trying to get out but embracing the perceived block.  Writing about tech in my little journal, the pages Mom bought me as a gift and had sent here from Oregon.  Tech, but not tech… chasing curiosity, like I said the other day in class, and then last night. Is it…. Thursday already?  Blogging everything, everything, no matter how boring. How is anyone to say it’s boring.  Not finding Sonic boring, in any regard.  Wrote down aims for day.. how many have I hit?  Two.  Better than nothing, I guess.

What do you do, in your day to day, to not just grow your business but better know it?  Especially if you’re in tech?  And, what do you write to yourself as notes and nudges of urgency to reach and further realize those aims?

This week, as I wrote over the past couple days here on blog and in journals, has been different.  Something is clicking… or aligning, becoming symphonious or more music-meant with more place and purpose, and speak in the spoken and unspoken nature of things.  This is not tech, this isn’t really even literature, but a cloud of plausible bridges.

Vowing to self to blog it all.  Have it written on a post-it atop the little journal.  And now, I re-write and again compose my thoughts on being in tech, now.  No longer depending on the wine industry, at all.  No longer waiting for people to walk into a tasting room  No more. I do miss walking the vineyard, but that’s about it.  And I have to say that walking in and out of this office day to day, visiting prospects and soon-to-be clients, speaking this new language….  Write in a tech office, at an internet company, becoming someone new but in no way doing so.  Holding to core convictions and essential beings in the principle being.  No more of that what-to-write stall and self-imposed intrusion.  None.  So now what… plan tomorrow–  Visit prospect at 9, then after walk around the territory and just say HI.  No selling.  Again, reader…. What do you do when you prospect, when you speak your business?  Do you have an approach, or do you just go out and be seen and engage in any conversation that your way heads?

Off soon, and from here, going somewhere to brainstorm on Sonic ideas.  Class doesn’t start till 7 and I’ll leave here around 4:15 or :20, so I’ll have plenty of time for me and my notes.  Have everything connect… blog it all.  Everything.  Even the fact when going to prospects food shop I had my first EVER gluten-free chocolate chip cookie.  Wasn’t bad, and I was surprised, and relieved as I was for a split second terrified that I wouldn’t like it and take a bite and make some face in front of the nice lady who placed it in front of me, a gesture obviously intended to be nice after she noticed me looking at them closely and me remarking how amazing they looked.

More activity.  The tech world has not only antagonized me toward more creativity, but taken me outside of what I thought was unavoidable regularity.  Tech is not about the technology, but more so involving self and following even the most seemingly crazy and crazed of visions.  Sonic has absolutely taught me this.  And continues to, this week notable.  This week…. Proving to be what I thought it would, what I felt it would after that little elbow of inner-turbulence.  I see tech the way I see wine and literature—life and story, wandering to find something and finding more story when you thought maybe you were on the last page.  This is more than voyage… this is the re-write.  This is the grandiose consolidation that I started hoping would me find in early college years.  And here I am, this new Mike, just starting.

3:59pm.

Final coffee for day.  Ideas still at pace, in fact more fervent and frenetic than yesterday.  Connecting to whatever I can, and more manuscript and momentum in blogs, blogging.  Shorter entries, much like this one.  Meta of meta, here.

Finding that business is not so much deliverable products, or even services, but reality, truth.  That need precede the profession and confession of what you court, which is business tied to your list.

Before the first coffee sip, I see my work.  All of it—the teaching, the tech, wine, running, music, poetry, writing and blogging and random notes compiled in something that resembles some order-less order, ordered.  And I keep moving….

2:13pm

Moving around with no order then total order of compliment to my aims.

Need to make a call I don’t want to, in bit.  Putting it off when I know I shouldn’t.  Calling Sears regarding the bullshit fridge they delivered to our house. Talk about not just “bad business”, but just dumb business.

Sipping what’s left of the coffee, cold.  Found another target.  Feeling autopilot—or no, the Agency, MY Agency, getting closer.  More than close.

Found event in SF, that could be rich with not just potential but immediate propulsion to discussion and something bigger than what I can immediately see.  Being this writer at a tech/internet company is only sequencing in more revelation and growth.  Anything can be created in this world, this office, this technology-tied ride, something—a whole industry and profession—I used to dismiss, even after becoming a blogger.  Today tallies knowledge, humility, growth, curiosity and non-forecasted landings.