12:27pm.  Lunch in 2260 breakroom, after meeting CTO and having discussion on this company, and what I do, what’s to be done, how to narrate and not so much a how-to but when thinking of this company and how people see us and what we do, what we have pictured.

Got a sandwich, and sparkling water.  Under $8 which is my ideal lunch budget, if I have one.  I do today.  Not too much a fan of this sandwich, but I’ll eat it anyway.  Have to.  People eating here, going out.  Me collecting thoughts after meeting and from day so far, how I want the week to go.  Conversations.  Start as many as I can, however I can.  After this hour or just short of break, catalogue all contacts and conversations.  Log them.  May even start a spreadsheet and I fucking hate spreadsheets.

Drafted a new email, earlier.  Short than the one I used before.  Finding that will be a prime and promising facet to my approach in this 100-day project, and my Sonic story.  CTO asked me, “What could we work on?” I told him nothing, but rather contribute more to existing momentums.  I cited education.  He asked for examples, I replied think-tanks, interdepartmental educations and forums.  Why have I not done that, already, myself? Maybe I could start today.  I will.  Again, conversations.  Conversation.  Learning how to build a business here and draw it, write it, already be there before you’re THERE.

There’s more than a whole book, here.  More than a career.  More, something for people to read, study. If it’s written.  I will write it, myself.

One guy, can’t recall his name, I think he’s rather new to Sonic, just walked by and into the changing/shower room, into the workout clothes he’s carrying.  Would run today but I’m still slow and a bit sluggish, lethargic.  Tomorrow I’ll run.  And meal prep.  Noted earlier that this is to be the best week of my life and certainly my Sonic story, so far.  So.. do everything different.  No wine, all week.  See if that happens, but I need it to. Need to rise earlier than early.  Write more of this book, more of what’s to happen.

Writer in the tech office, saying hi to passing friend from billing department.

Someone behind me playing one of the two pinball machines, another reading a book at the tall counter.  Went over to other building earlier, for meeting with CTO but also to look at what food was, is, available in the breakroom and already since my last visit which was a couple weeks ago it’s changed so much, so much.  I need the same do, today and all days in this week. Write more letters when back at office, shorter is better.  Send them off, to contacts from LinkedIn and elsewhere.  Log everything, everything.

Took picture of sandwich and water so I’d remember, somehow turn into the day’s narrative.  Should title the day.  Title it what.  PLANT.  I’ve planted something, an idea a thesis a direction a something to tell and share with the babies.  I see them working in my office, our office, creating, learning, self-educating.

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9/16/19

Day FORTY-FIVE

Didn’t arrive as late as I thought.  Took Emma to school, and traffic everywhere.  People sliding and gliding on all streets and sidestreets, even the freeway.  Sipping coffee with no lid.  Already one aim for day met.  Starbucks, not one visit.  Not so much for the money aspect, though that is very much a prime part of it, but the time that it drains and feeds upon.  Yesterday I must have been at the Hopper location for close to 25 minutes between standing in line and ordering, having to repeat my order then wait for everything to be brought out.  Second aim for day…. Write at lunch.  NO eating off campus.  No going off campus.  And it was Saturday, not Sunday with the afore Starbucks visit.

Meetings all day.  Or, not all day, but three throughout day.  Driving back to Petaluma shortly, to meet with the prospect from Friday.  Keep conversation alive and sped, steadfast.  Last aim for day for day, centralize in my practice here at Sonic.  Which is of course the conversation, but more than that… community, but even more than that.  Not sure I have a word for it quite yet.  I know what I intend and intone, but don’t have words placed.  No matter.  I don’t need words, or a singular word.  I’m overthinking this, as I do most things.  In tech, encourage and provoked to put my own definition and dote to it.

Okay… ready for this set of pages.  The day.  Today. Keep writing, stop thinking… want to start conversations, carry them to places I don’t know… want to feel imbalance, off-kilter (much I hate that word).  Learn…. Take notes…  Study.  Take your time.  There is no value in rushing, stressing, overthinking.  Ever.  Notes on post-it’s… an idea.  Now I’m more than eager for the pages approaching my shore.

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#blogitallnow

Starting day with a money project.  One I just thought of.  And, taking notes for next week.  One, don’t be in the office.  Canvass, knock on doors, meet everyone in business you can.  Save Friday for in-office day, admin and strategizing.

Today, a minimal spend day.  Not a no-spend.  Get a run in, somehow.  Someone in leads group suggested a running book.  Might buy later, have plenty to read now with current texts for classes and papers, and my own writing.  Need follow own counsel of reading aloud what I write, like I taught in last week’s meetings.  Get grading done today, if I can.  Can I?  Yes.  Do I want to?  Not at fucking all.  I laugh as I still struggle with grading, but have improved galactically as a “teacher” and speaker.

Started the book yesterday, when on break and before meeting the IT guy at Del Valle, where we both had a beer and tacos.  With the heat outside and a bit in that little family-sung building a beer has never tasted so romantic and harmonious with a day’s weather.  Anyway, the book…. Writer in the tech world, or internet world, somewhere where you wouldn’t expect him.

8:02, babies awake.  Jack in trouble for something he did and I struggle to be the angry parent of retribution.  I’ve expressed to him that I’m not pleased with what he did but I assured and reassured that I love him and that I’m his daddy and I will always be his daddy and love him.  Should I have not done that?  Far more important than money, or any tracking of money, budgeting, any associated mood.

Another part of next week’s Sonic plan—do more of what I like, what makes me happy.  Which is pretty much everything, but the elements which make me most happy will receive voluminous intent and focus, and presence and practice.  This was to me very much said when I met with the Petaluma prospect, and I spoke Sonic and its offerings.  I felt more confident with the more technical and connective composition than I thought I would.  I felt confident, happy, home.

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No Starbucks, didn’t buy lunch, and noted 6.56 miles at lunch run.  Productive day, and not just that, not just for sakes of productivity, but feeling like I am where I need be.  And not focusing on product or service, or even any of them.  And no geographical emphasis, either.  Just getting out there, speaking.  By day HUNDRED, I’ll be on more than just autopilot.  My agency will be FULLY up, aloft, in total flight.  Little tired after run, but I’m still moving.  May need a cup of coffee at some point, soon.  Yes, good idea.  But just one more.  Trying to cut back on caffeine, have been moderately successful in that try.

What else…. Could clean desk a bit, or let it gather more notes, more business cards, more of what people would call “clutter”, but is anything but.

3:58. Bought sparkling water at café down the road with some loose change from desk.  Having some of the snacks Abe gave me just after my run.  Looking for businesses to contact, and had an idea, one that will further hone my practice here at Sonic for the P-O-Z Agency, directly.

Yes, I absolutely stumbled upon something.  And maybe not stumbled, but connected with something as a result of my movements.  Don’t want to write it, here or anywhere in fear of an accidental self-hex.  But there is definitely something here.

Connectedness, connectedness…. in genuine connection, not just networking.  Want to know more about the people and the business the entire story.  Forget yourself for a bit and be utterly and willingly enveloped in where you are and what greets you.  Today has been a ride, for which I didn’t buy the ticket I wrote it myself.  I chose this train.  Loving it.  Will have to take Sonic laptop home with me, to continue work—Wait, no I don’t.  I’ll write on the wife laptop and email to self all ideas and research findings.

Calming self.  Not allowing too much altitude, immediately.  Have to write someone in company, but before I do, more notes.  Planning day.. Meeting at SR Chamber at 8am, then straight to office.  Shorter run tomorrow at lunch, 5 miles.  Class tomorrow night, grade when on campus.  Can’t believe I already have shit to grade.  Not a problem.  What I love, now.  Used to hate grading.  Gives me more content and talk material in the Room.

Everyone left, from the bullpen, or barnyard as Julia calls it.  Time to self, all the activity in this office and people talking about porting and pairs, CO distances, ethernet over copper, and everything else.  The new language sinks in.  No, no more of that silly firehose analogy.  Didn’t make that many calls today, but did move in other more creative ways, through research and… then another idea collides with my frame, this character here.  What’s happening to me, today?  And thinking of how my day started and that mood… that mood I excommunicated and has not attempted a return.

Will celebrate with wine, tonight.  Will write.  Notes.  Smaller entries and jots (this post not considered, obviously, as I’m pretty sure I’m now over 500 words).

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When I….

Today was one of those days where I battled not a mood or a funk but some perceived block.  And now, finally, just before having to walk outside to get the company car I had to park nearly a half-mile away, I’m out of it.  From under it, if I was under it.

Tonight in class, I continue with the consistency from last night, and that’s whim.  I think that’s what I want to do.  Sip of water, don’t want to walk down the street to get car.  And, I’m not in much mood to do much in this EOD stretch.  So what do I do.  Write.  About nothing.  No wine tonight. That’s what I say but you know how that goes.  Will need a cup of coffee for class, sip slow on way to Room then when there with the book-baggers, chug.  Out-speak them.  Out-run and write them.  Can feel a charge, certain and immediate electricity in veins and hands.  A fearless form overtakes me.  And I love it.  Hold to it.  The perception is completely gone.  Now feeling a restart and re-charge, re-write as I told a writer friend earlier.

Ready for class, ready for this me in the day’s second half, this re-written pace and presence.

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project

9/4/19

Day 33.  I think.  Let’s just say it is.  Driving down to I think Novato in a bit.  Should get address, I guess.  Focusing on the consistency of movement, what I’m doing in this office and out.  Today I will be getting in front of people and propelling the same energy from the classroom.  I will be speaking Sonic as I speak literature, wine.  Whatever animates me.  And it’s San Rafael, where my ship heads. The day’s minims telling me, “Do something different.” Break all molds and predictabilities, patterns and known echoes.  So I do.  Will be out of office, the entire morning.  And when back, go for a longer lunch run.

Tonight in class, just talk.  Bring up Dharma Bums when you can, or if you remember, but talk to them about writing.  Have them write, recite, read from each other’s thought plates and manuscripts.  Write more on the board.  Call on people and have ….  No, don’t plan.  Just be present and keep moving.

The latte this morning really having a writer in his determined tumble.  49 minute the drive says, to San Rafael.  Where I’m going in the city, which is on Redwood Highway.  The Sonic story, keep writing it.  Every piece and dote, pulse and frame in this office.  My desk with all its papers, the dual phone charger the Senior trainer just gave me for the car, to charge my two phones.  Work, work….  Go in late to winery this Sunday.  So much in head, write it all, or try.  Hear people talking around me, going to the back to get coffee, start their day.

I think of my own office, where I’ll have it.  Where.. Marin?  Or… Healdsburg.  Windsor, just above KIN.  Fuck, I’d go broke, and more than likely gain unwanted pounds which would obstruct the running.  Running… yes, 7 miles today.  I don’t care how hot it gets.  Project, already a third of the way done.  Deliverables would be more devoted running (which could still be improved), solo flying in this Enterprise role, and minimizing the wine world and teaching at the JC in terms of the amount of stress and actual push and pull I allow it to have on my character.

Writing takeover, today.  Writing everything, even when I’m not writing.  In my lecture last night I talked about there being more writing in whim than in planning or predicting, forecasting.  Just how I’ll run my business.  Today I’m a kamikaze of love, of creative, or a peripatetic randomness and supernova of chance, of autonomous realizations and writings.  One of the theses of the P-O-Z, that drives it and will bring it into further life.

Off to Road.  Restroom first, gather coffee and notebook, then leave. More than likely will hit traffic, but no matter.  I’m looking forward to it, frankly.  I am. Seeing all the people around me in their cars, going wherever they’re going.  There’s so much to write… there’s so much for this blog, this book, this work, me blogging and writing about work.  But it’s not work, it’s love, it’s ME. This is what I write, this IS the book.

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project

9/3/19

Planning the day, more or less.  Forcing self back into character.  Appointments, need to make as many as I can.  Mark told me that when first brought to Enterprise…. Put stuff on the calendar, and good things will happen.  Only thing I’m going to do, today.  Call fiberoptic addresses and set a time.

More with connectedness, as well.  Set meetings and write everything.  Have everything filter down and back to this, this chair, this position.  9:09am, now.  Still a bit early to call anyone.  Will wait just a bit.  So…. Write down all ideas, all sentences and words selected.

Class tonight.  Nothing planned, and that’s just what I plan alongside the dominant ideas and thematic consistencies of Road.

May run at lunch…. Haven’t decided.  Still feeling yesterday’s 5.33.  Could do a short one today, not yet decided.  Noticed I want a lot to happen quite quick, too quick in the day. Irrationally speedy.  So…. Slow down.  Re-reading an email Mark sent me, about this role and certain panaceas to conversion.

People talking around me again and I stay glued to the vision for day.  Month 3, starting today.  ALL ME. My appointments, my times set to calendar, and my conversations.  Have two addresses written, that I plan on visiting, so far.  Was about to ask other AE what’s on her plate but it doesn’t matter.  The P-O-Z Agency is officially, quite officially and loudly open today.  For business.  MY business.

11:54.  Taking a break before my, well, lunch… break.  Tired, sluggish, and I still have class to prep for.  Don’t have too much to do in that regard, but it’s in my head.  Wondering…. Do I have the lunch I packed or go get something.  Indecisive, as I just told co-workers as they talked about what they might get.  I can’t decide on anything.  Nothing.  Mexican doesn’t sound like anything, not a burger, no the Vietnamese place… nothing.  Can’t ignore how slow and weighed I am.  Don’t want to eat in the breakroom, so that eliminates the pizza possibility.  OR, does it.

12:34.  Ate the little pieces from the pizza Emma made at KIN yesterday, and now at desk.  Was outside for a bit, on breakroom door’s other side, at a metal lunching or break table.  Chewing gum now, hoping it wakes me.

Just sent syllabus to 1B students.  What to do, now.  Get out of office.  Go canvass down the street like Lincoln, a senior AE, suggested.  Will, for sure.  Cards in pocket, all I have to do is walk out the door.  Want to have specific addresses written down, targeted.  Don’t want to go out blindly.  Don’t want to do anything blind, anymore.  May get another cup of coffee.  Not just yet, but soon.

Feel like I’m without feeling, without connection today.  Understandable I guess after a 3-day weekend but I don’t want to use that as even a minor, microscopic excuse.  Where I am in the project…. Where I’m going, specific points and pins to hit.  Reminding self.  Writing self.  To and about SELF. What is Mike Madigan doing, what does he want, where is he going, what else can he do?  Create opportunity, set YOUR appointments.

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… clean desk, get books and put in bag.  No, use bag less…. Bored of my sentences and paragraphs, and this sitting.  Should go for a drive, but then no… act like you care, stay in the chair, like I said to 1B class.

Sign for birthday party, the Cheers to 40 Years, Mike! chalkboard reading, staring back at me and saying something like “Don’t you fucking dare get up from the couch.  Don’t. You. Dare.  So I don’t.  Definitely feeling like a student, in either 1A or B.  Reading and noting everything in journal, consolidating efforts and having a book halfway through term, if possible.  I can’t wait till Week 18 or 19.  Didn’t count how many this semester.  Told self before starting this sitting and paragraph cascade that writing sessions, the sitting itself, the scene, should be simple.  No clutter, no excess, no chords or wired, extra devices.  Luckily I charged this thing last night or night before so that’s not a concern. Drive through vineyards, something… what… what do I do with this day off that I will never get back if I squander it grieving or complaining, acknowledging what lacks.  Wondering if I should go to Aroma Roasters, do some writing there–  Writing is about the moment you’re in, like I told Petya yesterday at the winery when she told me that she wants to speak better, or more confidently, conscious of her Bulgarian accent.  I offered the idea, as I do every semester, that if you want to empower as a speaker, you should read, write, A LOT.  Not sure if she took what I forwarded into her thinking frame and throws, but I was honest. Now this morning I find myself following the same counsel.  Not writing about wine, but writing.  The movement…

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project

12:24.  Hunger starting to register and fold my attention to my advantage’s antithesis.

Hear people laughing in office.  Just the atmosphere I want at the P-O-Z.  I’m at three vendors for day.  Going to get outside the IT focus, and hone something else.  What. What else can I target.  Not sure right now, day 28 of this project and last day of month 2 as an AAE.  The director just expressed in an email what a ride it’s been for him watching me settle into this role. Next week, my intensification and amplification of effort will surprise even me.

Hungry.  Today’s pizza day in the office.  Every Friday.  Was thinking about running, but no.  Legs still feel yesterday’s seven.

12:42.  Pizza still not here.

1:01.  Think it may have just arrived.  From whenever I get back from lunch till 5, more vendors for P-O-Z.  Will move into real estate, and commercial insurance I’m thinking.  Then, going to go WAY outside the box.  Like…. What?

2:48, after some salad and veggie slices I have things coming together.  Seeing and more importantly FEELING certain ambition parcels coming together, forming this supercontinent of expression and identity.  About to get another coffee, as I want to charge into the five o’clock door like a runaway tank, just breaking through walls and conformist structure and stricture.

3:50.  What am I thinking about, everything.  Digital Marketing firms and allying self with them, and then other professions.  Been flying over and through about a dozen different professions looking for points of connection and intersection.  And, frankly, studying business types, and how the businesses are assembled and spoken.  Today has been a self-educating dose for sure.  I never bore or tire here, as Sonic has my mind in too many places, too many tells, and with more story and creative fire than I ever felt in the wine industry or at least not how the industry had me in the industry focusing more on the industry than the wine, the stories.

Now alone in the barnyard.  Other AAE gone, now tech trainer leaves.  So I’m alone in my words, with them, having them teach me, I don’t know, something.  Walking to restroom and back, many have already left, and some on phone or watching something in their cube.  3-day weekend visual quips, everywhere.  I’m not leaving early, I tell myself.  I’m not tuning out.  Setting a strict martinet stricture, set of habit and pattern, more than just productivity in my remaining riles.

Still sore from yesterday’s run.  I’ll get back out, tomorrow, in the morning at some point more than likely after wife lands back from her workout.  Forget about tomorrow, I tell myself now, in this Now, at desk while so many flee to holiday, or some staycation.  I’m thinking of writing, wine I’ll write tonight, at some point.  Auguring my present and what’s just a few beats beyond it.

Part of me wants to leave early.  And do what.  Don’t know.

Think I thought of something.  I think.

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