Behind in my NaNo

project. Have to write tonight…. Begging the story, my story, to make me write tonight.

Soon leaving for Corte Madera. Opportunity for new business and speaking Sonic, and have people be aware of me and my words.

Latte at home, fans still going drying out the ceiling from upstairs leak. Surprised how that happened, a bother, but teaching me more into homes and real estate, how homes are built and properties and their value… someone’s home, the beaming gravity of such.

I’m not too old for new interests and pursuits, no?

4:40.

Possible power outages.  Everyone talking about it. If it happens, it happens.  Just my mind about it.  Getting a beer after this, then class.

Going to send my EOD, and possibly leave early.  Just thinking about it, at this point.  Wonder how life will be affected if the power is out for several days as some say might happen.  Not worrying about it.

Checking schedule, when I can write…. Daily word quote still enough under 2000 words that I’m in an eased writer spree and breeze.

Alone in bullpen.  Trainers gone, my AAE partner gone.  And nothing really to write.

How ‘bout a walk.  Use restroom.  Walk slow.

Now back.  Nothing to write and feeling anxious.  But what would I tell my students.  Of course, relax and don’t force it.  IT, whatever IT is, will find you.

Another thousand for nano book.  Still want another thousand to bring me over 3k, but we’ll see.  Reasoned I’ll let students go early.  Get something to eat, soon.  Finally going for a run tomorrow, at lunch.  Tech event in the city tomorrow…. Will do what I can in terms of connections and “networking”, whatever.

6:03.  Head to campus in a bit.  Need a wine to pair with dinner, but I have no idea what I want. Smell garlic, or garlic fries.  No, garlic bread.  That has to be bread.  Thinking Chinese food tonight.  Or Mexican.  Ugh… 

Need new dimension to novel…. Be more wild when writing it. It’s fiction, I have to remind self.  Make the character uncomfortable…. Or, make him, hmmmm…. What do I do.  Not going to overthink it.  That’s best way to get me to do what I always do and that’s abandon the project before it’s really or at all left ground.

Tomorrow’s run needs to be at least 7 miles. Haven’t run in a bit, doing those fucking HIIT classes, but I think I can.  If I can hit 8, I’ll see self as back in shape. MY measure, my standard, wrong as it might be.

9/29/19

We learn through our moods, which ones we want to keep, and which we which simply shed.  Just get rid of.  Of course you’re expecting me to say “Write it down.” Well, yes, but not right away.  Take your time, just for a second.  Slow the approach to page, think of where you want to be when the entry is done.  Right now before class I don’t think about class.  I enjoy the movement across the keys, this entry, this Now right here at this table in one of my most frequent writing spots. Didn’t want to come here, to tell truth.  But I thought why not, go with what you know.  With writing it’s sometimes the beauty of Newness but as well sticking to the beat you’ve kept.

I share ideas that encourage freeness and essential lawlessness in writing. To shed convention and get out of the curriculum coffin, but as well know where you want to be.  Envision your arrival spot, the state you want to paginate.  Writing is form, but it’s form that you form, that your prescribe.

Write the mood down.  Whether it be awesomely optimistic, of a little downtrodden.  What do you want to retain, what do you wish release?  Trust yourself and fear nothing, create and compose in crazed ways.  I do teach English, but I don’t.  I’d rather not.  I’d rather just emphasize and punctuate my simple aim of, ‘just write, and write more freely than any teacher has let you’.  Writing can’t be taught, and that fact that some of these “teachers” think it can, puts me in a mood.  Just move the hands across the page, enjoy your sitting, enjoy your movement and your words.  They are yours, no one else’s.  They can’t be, even if plagiarized.  Chase Newness, embrace your Beat and re-write when you wish.

Leftover pizza and prospecting thoughts.  What do I do now, to change approach, modify practice and perspective.  When I first started this position the director told me it’s like dating, and to go on hundreds of dates.  Agreed.  Need more dates, and I need more than just dates.  Much of me feels I need propel and speak the brand on my own, but then I think I need even more than that, even.  And if not more than that, something in addition to, or address some quality within what’s already present.  Possibly overthinking, in fact I know I am.  Just keep the conversation alive.  Going to return to certain commerce chambers, and people I’ve met.  In office today, but get out more.  Be mobile, be seen, be instrumental in awareness.

Other thoughts…. My next sale, how to speak this brand, and a removal of all stresses and self-set blocks.  How to liven the day.  Any thoughts?  Not really.  Not at the moment, with this pizza and ice water.  Grade papers, quickly.  Then write letters to prospects, to connections, people I know.  Maybe I should do that, just make a list of every fucking person I know.  Not practical, I know.

Pizza done, little time left in break.  Wondering how to approach rest of day, other than maybe one more cup of coffee, some scheduling of events or some meets somewhere, something.  Needing to get my energy level to more altitude.  Only reason for its depletion is from overthought.  That’s it… easily.  Just overthinking the fuck out of everything.  Going back to desk….  People walking in and out of this break area distracting me and pulling me from more purposeful prose.

Back at desk.  Voices around me but it gets me more into character, and thinking of how to speak Sonic to prospects… what’s in here, this creative and varied form of identity, present in our interactions.  Forgetting about it, for a minute.  All of this—sales and prospecting, emailing and canvassing.  Remember what one of my sales Leads, when supervising the Field Sales Team, said when offering insight to one of his Reps.  He said, “What do YOU love about Sonic?….What kind of person are YOU?” That’s what should be in the conversation.  I’m not one for scripts, at all, yet I somehow find self longing for a script, or some template.

Detaching self for a bit, so I can refocus myself with more sense and vocal.

19 minutes more left in break.  And what do I do…  Fill calendar.  Live in calendar.  Stare, at calendar.  What have I spent money on, today?  Starbucks in morning for wife and I.  And that’s it.  Didn’t get a sparkling water at lunch as I was tempted to do.  Good.  I can tell this entry conveys my mood, but I’m re-writing.  NOW.

Forgot running shoes at home. Broke fast.  Two losses for day but small losses.  Not even losses.  Will take lunch in break room and write and create, blog the shit out of everything.  Still have to grade papers for 1B class.  Interesting day where I felt tired then now after a small coffee dose I’m moving everywhere and with everything.

Aims for lunch…. 5 posts, over multiple blogs and other channels.  Then re-post on other what I posted on others.  Getting more mad with my methods, while driving back from meeting thinking I need sell both self and Sonic, in tandem.  Take more time with emails.  Today, a lesson.  A bright and bravado-told lesson.

Put Cheerios away, now just coffee.  Deciding to write a book on prospecting for new business, and not just new business but connections, alliances, new people in your business sight.  Have it be more than a funnel.  Just had another idea…. Bless this coffee, I’ll just say.  Still a bit bitter about forgetting running sneaks at home, but I have to move past it. 

Note on prospecting, ‘Keep talking with kindness and honesty.  Have it all feel heartfelt.  Don’t force the topic of your product.’

Tenacity.  More than that, but hunger.  A ravenous and relentless persona about me this morning.  MY attitude is more than fearless, more than determined or ambitious.  I don’t know what it is, any category or moniker, but I notice it.

19 poems to go in my challenge to self to self of 20 my EOD Friday, or before leaving for winery event on Saturday.  The aim of this day is to not let one ounce or sliver of any work I have catch me. None of it.

Write letters today.  I have to.  Keep re-writing letters to prospects and others.  OR, write a new one every time.  Just keep it brief.  Coffee with potential partner at 10.  I’ll find location in a bit.

Latte almost done.  Now what do I do.  Water?  Not too much caffeine, as I’m running at lunch.  Finally.  And fasting till around 2 if I’m not mistaken.  Today I want to push self, test the self and what it can do.  Again, tenacity and attitude.

8:47.  Have to run lunch I brought to fridge in back breakroom.  Could fill water flask when doing that.  Thinking and thinking, about all this, what’s in front of me and where I’m going in the day.

Desk a mess and I’m not too sure I care.  Just working around and in everything.  Creative solves, worry sinks.

More activity.  The tech world has not only antagonized me toward more creativity, but taken me outside of what I thought was unavoidable regularity.  Tech is not about the technology, but more so involving self and following even the most seemingly crazy and crazed of visions.  Sonic has absolutely taught me this.  And continues to, this week notable.  This week…. Proving to be what I thought it would, what I felt it would after that little elbow of inner-turbulence.  I see tech the way I see wine and literature—life and story, wandering to find something and finding more story when you thought maybe you were on the last page.  This is more than voyage… this is the re-write.  This is the grandiose consolidation that I started hoping would me find in early college years.  And here I am, this new Mike, just starting.