Blazing through tasks like there’s nothing in front of me.
11:18. Just finished delivering pieces of candy throughout the office. Felt good to spread love and poz vibez. Today has been a loving one, one educating and freeing. Going to class tonight eager and ready to make it everything I want. Something for me. Something to know more about my Now and to be FREED.
11:55. Feel like I get it. All of it. Never felt this before, ever. More than simple empowerment, or some freedom sentiment or sense. But… like… I understand. I see Self, in the Now, I am Freed and freeing more of my character and story.
12:07. Brought lunch, the pieces of quesadilla but somehow tempted to eat out. No, I tell myself. Go to the café and write, then heat quesa’ when back. Eat at desk while working. Budget still not done, but did pay off credit card a bit more. No word from any of the wineries I contacted. I’m done. I’m officially retiring from wine. Don’t even think I want the wine shop, anymore. Maybe have my own label like Calluna, maybe, but even that I don’t know.
So full of thought, in this breath. Again, like I get it all. I understand where I am and why I’m doing what I’m doing. Madness… Freedom… Individualism. I should get out of the office. Will. No caffeine, no soft drinks. Water. Hopefully they have bubbly water. Pretty sure they do, Pellegrino or some similar type.
12:54. Resolving to stay here, go to breakroom, nook if I can, and write. For tonight’s class, loving shoves for self to run tomorrow morning, early.
No more thinking. About money or spending a couple bucks to get a sparkling water with the ques’. Who cares. Next week will be tight, but only from making progress. Last night, last dinner out in some time, do note. Next thought… to work, how to spend day’s remainder. How…. See? There I am, thinking again.
1:42. At desk. 19 minutes left on lunch. Snacking on trailmix. Bought cherry sparkling. Almost finished. May get another. Everything today for tomorrow’s early run. Running on treadmill, hoping for 7-9 miles. I’d be happy with that. Pretending like I’m getting back into running all over again. Revisiting and reassessing my reality as a runner.
Phone screening at 2:30. May want to get in a walk. Should I do that now? Overthinking, goddamn you. Water, notes, snacks, voices, voicemails, phones, discussions on what to do next. The office is exceptionally alive today. I mimic, I study, I love it all. Each ingredient and inclination, ebb and view. This place is beyond study-worthy, past useful. This is IT. The IT of it all. My IT. IT provides insight and understanding that nothing else could, or would ever hope that I had from being there. The other places simply didn’t invest in me or those around me.
14 minutes left. Water. Gum. On the menu. Not that I’m trying to diet or necessarily eat less, but just control what’s contacted.
Two people walk into the zen den. I feel defensive, like it’s my space and room and terrain being invaded. Silly, but just what I feel alive as I am today.