2/15/20

Running.  All I’m letting self think about, meditate in and over, and be.  Stony Point Starbucks and of course my music won’t work.  No wifi, or maybe it’s my phone.  But, again… running.  Yesterday did my old route from Sonic for the first time in I’d say over a month.  The distance anyway, haven’t done THAT in a month or more.  8.12 miles, averaging 8.32/mile.  Just ten seconds under my best average of 8.22 for an 8-miler at lunch.  Will register for another race.  Which one, and how long.  Kind of want to do a 10k, or some random 8 or 10-mile project.  I’ll look in a minute, but this morning getting into my car a young man was running, approaching me on the other side of Mountain Hawk Way.  I opened the door to car and got in, watched him run down the hill.  I thought to self, “HILLS”.  Hit them, and hard today.  Running will solve everything, all of this that I’m currently in (which I’m not writing about, only RUNNING), everything in business, teaching, writing surely, and even wine and my projects associated with that.

Yesterday having lunch with JC, owner of KIN and the Publican Bar/Pub just down the street in Windsor, and KINsmoke in Healdsburg.  He told me his story, how he came to own several business, and what it all stemmed from was going out and doing, obtaining… no self-doubt or questioning.  None of that.  Then I thought about me as an AE, and running, and walking in the Berkeley streets and how I have to do that more.  This morning, and yesterday’s 8.12 and today’s hill project, is the start of something.  Yesterday toward the middle of my project, around mile 4 I’d guess, nearly sure, I thought of a tech company.  Of my own.  Starting with running, and focusing on all forms of health and wellness, happiness… living the life that you decide.  The quote from Emerson, about nothing being achieved sans enthusiasm.  I’m seeing that the enthusiasm can be compromised, hurt, stalled or paralyzed.  Not today.  Today is going to see something from me.

‘nother project… 100,000 words in 50 days.  This will be the only such aim.  And no obloquy, anywhere.  Only elevating and healing tells and riles, purposes and decisions.  This entry not part of the book, or series of books, but it’s coming.  And none of it posted to blog.  2000 words a day without any flicker of failure.

Caffeine starting to work, I think.  No music, which is troubling.  May go to Sonic as I’d planned, since I know the wifi works there.  And, it makes me think of my own company… all wellness, happiness, self-love and talk, education, everything that’s health.

Then, after the Sonic office, RUN.  Launch from Mountain Hawk, go right down hill, or start by going left and up, then go down that one street then up another hill.  Not sure how many miles I can accrue… may run to Montecito from Calistoga, then run up Fountaingrove.  But that’s too much uphill, and far too consistent and extreme extremity of incline.  I’ll figure it out.

8:41… more people in this Starbucks spot.  Not much in the mood for Sonic, suddenly.  Going o force self to go there.  Start a new blog, but don’t buy url.  First post, running.  Why run.  And why people that say they hate running should try it.  Running is only fractional consideration of what running is, or does.  It’s freedom, it’s breath, it’s sight and an angular accentuation of strength.

Started the site, or the startings of the site, ‘#alliwannadoisrun’.  Will absolutely have to run more, do more races (which I couldn’t find by the way, or none before April… all good), less wine and get up earlier like the young man I saw this morning running down the hill, wiggling his arms as he began the equator of his decline.  Not just running, and not just wellness… but assembly of SELF.  Discipline, happiness, LIFE.

YOUR life – YOUR choice …

Wake earlier. Run more.

Aims with which I’m starting day, before meeting at 9 here in Rohnert Park.  Never written at this shop before.  No significance to it, just noting.

Also, write more.  Could if I didn’t wake so close to 7.  This exchange has thrown off my clock in a blizzard of forms.  Trying to right self, be more in balance.  Like Dad suggested… write in shorter form.

Fragments.  Notes.  Spun jots.

Move quicker.  Think I’ll go to 24hour Fitness here in RP like I planned to last night, but then reasoned to run from Mountain Hawk base, and didn’t do that even.

More discipline.

More strength.

More fearlessness.

More forgiveness of SELF.

More love, sight, knowledge, humility, ZEN, acknowledgment of the Now… why you’re there and what you can do with it.  With yourself in IT.

Smile.

Love the opposition, and rather than see it as opposition, love its invitation.

Lastly…. HONESTY.  And no reluctance in telling truth.  Even if it slightly or significantly harms you.  There will be elevation and a distinct climb rhythm that follows.

2/12/20

Knowing Now, FREED

Starbucks down the Road from Sonic’s HQ.  I feel more Zen in all molecules and movements than I have in some time.  From being honest with Self.  You have to be, finally… about certain things.  If you deny, or interpret it conveniently, then only more trouble compiles.  I’m not going into specifics, and I don’t have to…. The specifics aren’t the intention of such a note… it’s the pattern, the habit, and practice.  Diving into Zen practice, Zen ideology, and habit, mind, more than just some trendy mention of mindfulness, more than even me being here physically acknowledging certain realities, and behaviors.  Knowing your Now entails so much beyond the Now itself… but what brought you here, to where you are, where you’ve been… why you’re doing what you’re doing, why you’ve done certain things and traveled in particular directions.

This morning, waking around 5:30 and heading here, to this same Starbucks where I’m not sitting and working and thinking about the past couple days….  Here I am, like this, in this sense and mind.  A mind and way I love, where the Zen envelops me and teaches me about the directness of life, directions in one’s story…. There are choices, then there are circumstance possible given from some other being or force, or collective individualized intent.

Not sure what I’m writing, or even why I’m writing, but I know there’s a trajectory I want to avoid.  For all sakes, for all pages.  So, honesty.  This Monday has tested me in certain arenas, then encouraged me in others.  Realizing that there need be a shift with the ship.  One step, I guess…. Sales Meeting in 1 hour, 11 min.  Then class later.  Then home.

One jolt in my world, anxiety… separation anxiety from my kids.  Writing it makes me tear, but I know fortitude is the only electable echo and forward.  Eating carrots with ranch, part of some lunch box that came with a sandwich, and a sparkling water.  Collect, I tell myself.  Wait for more connectedness from the day.. more instruction.  Think about your kids… how you want them to see you, study your actions.  Be deserving of study.

My age, and having these realizations.  What does that mean.  Where am I going.  What more can I do.  Well, I finally know.  So no attaching self to past.  No more in-place holes or ruts, stalls or cells.  I’m here, I’m doing it… re-writing the character.  Writing the entire story.  Me, where I am and what I’m doing… knowing my Now and its entire composition.  Sonic provides more composition, more than a platform but specific composition of a bridge to get me from one reality to another.   What I put into circulation, how I treat my bones, veins, brain.  Staying on the page, the first motion to line dividing sky and sea.  Music.. all of it.  I’ll make it all music, musical, a healing composition.  No matter what happens next.  Unafraid, eager, writing more, clear images and steps… a renewed beat and beauty in my promised truth-speak.

2/3/20

Regardless of

Where I am in the project, I’m in San Rafael now. At a place called Bogie’s. Just walked through a maze of art rooms and galleries and studios. Everything I do for Sonic and in this enterprise division will be with artistic composition and confidence, inner concerted essence, foremost confidence. View of fourth street from my window booth. Two meetings this morning, providing more education and sight. Shown people that you’re working. Show them that you’re writing, trying new approaches, new walks, new beats and new stages, streets.

Omelette arrives… Before bite first, think again of the coffee morning meeting with Denise. Meeting with Mark before than. How I surprised myself with how much technical tongue I could implement in speaking Sonic– Coltrane’s In A Sentimental Mood comes on. Now I know the story is speaking directly to me.

Cafe, this place. Quiet, brick and wood door framing. Perfect for a book, or several. Think I ate here years ago, when I worked for those two sales and marketing asses on 2nd & B.

4:05.

Approaching EOD, and I’m doing a bit of re-branding.  All telecom.  Everything.  Writer in a tech/telecom office.  Starting with certain platforms, then moving into others.  Killing ancillary blogs, for good.  Two, total.  Running after work.  EOD is really a BOD.  Beginning Of Day.  Hearing people around the office laugh, entirely comfortable in their positions and my envy in me echoes.  Writing the word, TELECOM, on wall of my work area.

By Day HUNDRED, I seek to be in complete cruise control, autopilot.  I will be… today’s just been one of unintentional inactivity.  I know, these days take place…. Understand the entirety of the stage, and game.  Thinking of something new, so act.  Act and don’t think, deliberate, at all.  Collect, compose, move.  Telling self on my way just a short while ago, walking around the block, thinking about the day and why I let it get to me.  I share this because I want both of us to understand this.  Have more than perspective, but sense of what’s in front of us.  The stage and all its constituents.

Again thinking of event yesterday, that one speaker.  All his declarations and affirmations, citations of people who write and share their stories, and how no one wants to hear that. How can he be sure.  EOD, beginning another move, another plan for next week… get out of the office, get in front of people… speak Sonic, or don’t speak it at all.  Just meet people… again, say hi.  Re-branding entailing immediacy, evidence of fruition.  And it’s been before noted, but writing EVERYTHING, jotting it somewhere.  I find myself not putting into practice what I promote and profess.  That’s done on this 21st day… actuating what I advocate, on this 21st day of the project whose singular aim is finally framed and aglow.