Finally back from Sunnyvale.

Don’t want to get back in car, even to drive to Steele & Hops, or Jackson’s for writing before class.  Which isn’t really class tonight, but an optional attendance night where I’ll hold an office hour and have 1:1’s if needed.

A glass of wine… what though.  Not beer tonight.  Had one last night.  Not bad, just in a wine wind and Road, this evening.  Want to celebrate the day.  Earlier, and I mean much earlier like 5 or 6-somehting this morning, I had an odd feeling about everything I was doing.  A bit spooked, I’ll tell you.  About the drive, about if this is even the day of the event, everything.  Once at the Nokia building on Mathilda in Sunnyvale, I knew the day was in my shift and favoring air.  Spoke to the room, and into a camera about Sonic, and I left the building utterly transformed if you must know.  Am I to one day be the CIO of Sonic while running SPSPS (Sales, Productivity, Self, Personal Development, Startup)?  Everywhere were my visions and fantasies, and knowing they’re not fantasies.

Going to get off the clock, head to somewhere, collect.  Don’t think Jackson’s.  And I’m tired of S&H…. shit, where do I go?  Are there any other options?  Whole Foods?  Ugh….  Wait, yes.

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11:25. Hungry.

Clocked out for lunch but not lunching.  Cup of coffee to kill any appetite.  No appointments yet for the day set.  Haven’t touched papers.  Not yet.  Was outside, walking to other building.  Why didn’t I get them, then?

Productivity and movement pushing me out of this mood.  Where does it come from?  I know, but not validating it further with a sentence of even a fragment.

First sips of coffee.  Quite the perfect temperature.  Writing to write bottomless from the bottom and top of my mind, my thinking wheel.  Blogging about blogging about blogging…. What do I do with that?  And why do I have so many notes in so many fucking places?  Stapled some small sheets with notes on the 100 days second pass to back page of SW (Strong Words) journal.

Equanimity about this writer, now.  Finally.  The coffee realizes my personality and Personhood.  Speakers group to meet in just a wee jab under an hour.  May be speaking.  And, about what.  I KNOW!  Fear and Loathing, HST, and his writing mode, beat, tell and dimension.  Still a bit sodden, and trying to write away from the emotion or sense.  I’m tired of writing like that, like this… tired of saying I’m tired of it…. So I act in divergence, prepare some notes for the speakers group.  And tonight, concinnating my words and momentary musings.

Not just writing everything down, but capturing everything, as it is, as it now tastes.

Lunch with an IT bloke in a bit. Well, at 2.  Not sure I’ll be able to lasso this famine till then. Maybe I should get myself  a snack.  But what.  This is the writer in the tech office, at the tech and internet, and phone, company.  30 minutes off clock, then to come back to clock in a bit.

Post this to blog, then go to break room and take a …. Break…. Write and post more.  Going all in on my “teaching”.  But I don’t teach, I circulate and generate ideas.  OR maybe I do teach.  IDEA FOR POST….. POSTS.  Plural.  Several of them.  Yes.  I will follow through.

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Posted article. Set an appointment. Time to find another.

Shoot for three, today.  All sales, all fiber territory.  Write only Sonic.  Not wine.  Think I may be sick of wine—no don’t say that, you just want to wake earlier.  Make wine part of this, approach fiber and Sonic as you do wine but write only Sonic… the positions, the Agency aspect, my P-O-Z Agency (Don’t forget about that, I tell self.).  Breathe…. Disrupt.

Hours later.  4:18.  Sipping coffee.  Feeling the 8-mile run, tired and with sore legs.  Will have to stand in class.  What am I lecturing on, no idea.  Actually…. Yes.  Sonic.  The principles of Sonic.  Not “principles”, but speak from a literary tongue and disposition.  Thinking about getting a glass of wine before class, at Whole Foods, but I’m going to MAKE self remain here, write for class and finally kill remaining grading for the 1A semester.  Only submission left to grade is the one they’ll submit on the 19th.

Director just messaged me, “Told ya… Momentum is a beautiful thing!” This after me not being the most celebratory of senses this morning when he praised me for November’s numbers, and that I wanted to keep the momentum going.  All this, to be said in tonight’s class.  Get away from the academic ax, curriculum coffin.  Up early tomorrow morning, keep this momentum not just GOING but alive and hungry, TIRELESS like the post-it stuck to the left side of my monitor in big letters laments.

Going to send a couple more emails, then call the day, start to plan for tomorrow.  Have the speakers group at 12:30, then a lunch meeting with an IT guy at 2.  When can I run….  11?  Or, take the day off.  OR…. Not going to worry about it.

One of the trainers leaves, the other leaving about 15 minutes ago, maybe more.  Can hear some people laughing two cubicle villages over.  Listening to everything, someone in the NOC telling a story about when he was in Tech Support.  The way to approach AE life is to know you’re already in it, and you don’t have to do that much and certainly not change that much.

A and E.  More sternly producing in my immediacy, using what’s in front of me.  From the coffee cup to the business cards, pieces of scratch paper and random notes… this is the start to the P-O-Z Agency.  I know it is. We can all start our own agency.  The field and specialty, or “trade”, doesn’t matter.  Agency is about identity, some vocalization, some song that only YOU can sing, as I see it.

Even writing about this, all this, the Agency and prospecting, the desk and the shit on it, is too much.  Don’t do your job so much, I always punctuate and stress to most people I talk.  Why?  Cuz when you push, you’re pushing yourself away from what you’re after.  That’s what I’ve found.  Yes, I say to myself… wine.  WINE.  A glass at, wherever.  Grade there.  Plan there.  Post from there.

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Schedule today…

Swarm of conversations and notes, projects, prospects.

Leaving at 4:30 to get babies, then to Mom and Dad’s for dinner with babies.

Can’t forget to take running stuff home, since I didn’t get out today. Was with Sales Engineer, down in San Rafael then Petaluma.

Have to be better about record-keeping as I go. First hour, or more, of day was all admin, all catchup. Never again.

Going back to desk now to do EOD and make notes in next weekly report. Feel like one of my students, saying there’s not enough time in the day, then my voice responding “YES THERE IS.” Just write it all out. And if you stick to the plan or not, fuck it. Least you wrote it.

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At a loss as what to do now.  Made calls, secured some appointments, and looking at clock.  Sipping last cup of coffee.  Grade some papers after this, and where should one do that. One thought is campus, but I’m not in the mood to just rush over there.  Possibly going to a writing spot, somewhere.  Which one.  Feel so much better than I did yesterday.  Tomorrow will be one full of appointments, running early then driving to prospect shortly after that, then to Berkeley to secure an account.

Will work on letters to send prospects, between now till day’s close.  Going to pull back on calling for a bit, unless it’s a response to an email.  Want to accomplish all, and I will, through writing in this AE story.  Need to get here early, tomorrow, if I can.  And remember my badge.  Forgot it today, shamefully.  Where did I leave it… oh shit, on the white cabinet, with the wine glasses.  A bit of irony, I think that’s irony, not having wine last night.

Grading next semester will be incredibly different than this term, if I’m still teaching.  I wrote more when I had the Apple laptop.  Now, I’m typing on these low-quality, not really for writers laptops.  My opinion.  And I need to write quicker, more, and with less thought. Is it dark outside?  Haven’t been out in a bit.  So it could be dark and I wouldn’t know.  I truly feel like it could be dark outside.

Grading takes from writing, I know that now, and have, but not thinking of everything I need grade I cringe.  Write about wine… oh fuck here we go again.  Have some to sip when home tonight, and whatever I grade with.  Don’t they have a Grenache at Whole Foods?  Yeah, they do.  And I remember it being sharp, and loving, jazzy and playful on senses and one that would encourage me to write.  Now, just talking about it, I’m looking forward to grading.  Writing some wise-ass remarks or something cryptic and encouraging in the margins…. Satirizing the institution, while forwarding their efforts in their studies.

Always coming back to wine, always.  And why is that, why did I go to a winery and taste, take notes, and be in wine worker mode on a day off?  “Day off”.  Obviously in quotes since I don’t believe in days “off”.  Wine, the reason and reasoning, where I reason myself and sense of self to be as a writer.  Old pictures in WordPress memory, past, and most of it wine.  From my Roth Winery days and before.  Writing about wine and her colors and bright intrigue and confusing qualities, not meaning to propel and confusing crux but shove you with love to interpret and understand that it’s not the thing in the glass but the reaction and interaction.

Office quiet, and my letters to prospective clients take shape, like I’m writing about wine.  But not at all.  About happiness and no stress, what all business owners want when it comes to their office’s tech.

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