Tag: #beinlovewithyourlife

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Health/Wellness

8:40… little late of a start. Phone appointment at 1 or 1:30, then

getting ready for company dinner at casino tonight.  Sushi… gonna try to do one meal a day like some people.  Run after call.  Drink lots of water like some people… discipline.  

Wine last night was my sister’s OVZ.  Dad asked what I thought and I gave a bit of an indifferent answer.  I guess why is ‘cause I’ve had it a thousand times, vintage over vintage.  Still though, I didn’t look hard enough for a new voice or any music.

Heading to the office in a bit, after this post and maybe one more espresso shot.  Thinking about Sonic this morning, the AE story and how I started at the company, what it stands for and…. The career of Sonic, transforming it into something else, something new, like Tasha said me redefining what it means and is to be an AE.

One more shot, backpack full…. Ready for drive across town.  Jus thought, should I run at HQ— NO, do the hills here.  Morning noises and voices obstructing concentration slightly, in car soon.  Heater on, cold outside – 54.  Sales and stressing over quota keeping me warm or at least forgetting and sharp cold trying to get under this sweater.

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wine

Up from a very curt nap, power nap I guess you could say, not sure I even really fell asleep.

Got up brushed teeth washed face and now into espresso.  Prospecting ferociously and carelessly.  Quick break from AE laptop to note here, and not much to note.

Company/department dinner tomorrow.  First of such in this new story.  Going by self, no plus-ones permitted and honestly I’m relieved.  That sushi place at Graton Casino.  Never been.  Everyone keeps telling me how amazing it is, so….. guess I’m “excited”.  Just had sushi at that new place with a friend and it’ll be near impossible to eclipse.

In and out of looking for new businesses.  Tiring of it, honestly.  Again.  Not going into that complaint-caught language.  Shit, no more espresso.  Sparkling water I guess.  That’s the routine, as you know.

Talking myself in and out of something… get out of the house, go for a drive.  But I know I have to and should just stay here so I don’t miss anything.

Like what.

I don’t know… someone asking for a contract.

Bored, restless.. there’s something here.  Not just those simple terms or feelings.  Time to see wha tI want, realize somehow.  Simplifying… back to wine and writing wine in my own way.  Opening one of my better bottles tonight. Okay now I’m engaged…. The Merlot, or maybe that Cabernet from… where.  Doesn’t matter.  Opening something for me, and for me to write.

Email from Sales Engineer.  His writing fast, sharp, to all points and intentional.  I’m learning something about my own voice and page presence.  Thoughts returning to wine.. my first trip to France by myself, tasting wherever and whatever I can.  From bottles and barrels.  Speaking with families, walking castles and vineyard rows, EVERYTHING.  It’s right in front of my, my wine story, ordering a permanent return and focus and emphasis.  I keep talking all this consolidation and simplification, singularization shit but do nothing to mirror the proclamation.

Keeping wine on the brain, and not just what’s sipped.  Go further into it, Mike… your BEAT.  Already know this so not sure why I need to talk to self this way.  Sparkling water… thinking of wine, and when sipping tonight think write any thought that passes through thoughts…. Sipping it in Sunriver, or in a hotel room while traveling for writing or blog or something else.  Wine in everything.  Wine IS everything.

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Health/Wellness

In office, a different side office. Slow… quiet….

Not much happening but doesn’t matter.  The office talking to me, telling different directions, and asking me what I’m doing here… why I didn’t I wake when I wanted to.  Easy answer but moving on into story, the day’s.

Big bill due tomorrow, write more.. work harder and more and wake earlier.  That would not only “solve” everything but start new project and generate new currency courts. Why do I always think about that, money?  It sickens me.  Further the Happiness definition and picture instead, I tell myself.  What will make you happy and keep you there, in that state and story and ride.. buy the ticket I hear HST say.

10:22am.  So much day left.  So much music for me… MUSIC.  Stay there for a second I tell myself.  In this current instrumental.  Don’t know who it is and it doesn’t matter…. I’m in a fast smattering of thought and meditative lot.  I see wha tI want, what’s needed for story— stop there, don’t go down that writing line again.  Fine, I say to self.  Not a matter of buy or sell, but… what.  Think… where is this going… where are YOU going.

Suit up for run at 11:30.  That leaves 59 minutes of time in chair.  Feel hunger speak but ignoring it.  Have another coffee.  Yes, I’ve had one coffee after the three total espresso shots at Skyhawk house.

Note written yesterday for #prospectesk project.  Shit, forgot to post it.  Drawing the 2022 picture further…. Posted.  Reposted on LinkedIn.  Cold in this side office.  Like, uncomfortable cold.  Do I switch locations, maybe get coffee at….. Acre?  Starbucks?  

Deciding to stay, follow through with my aim to run a route here.  Then back to house, yogurt and granola lunch, then more time at keys… now part of me saddens with no sections in Spring but it has to happen I know.  Change.  That’s inherent in the story, AE or other.

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Health/Wellness

Eve of December, the new year, new business, new books, the NEW STORY.

…..

Double espresso made and settling on running around HQ later, for lunch.  No aim yet, but since I didn’t wake early this morning like my friend I am ORDER-ing a run.  A strong one…. 1 hour.  No pace or distance aim…

Another business idea hits me.  Where’s the Paris journal?  Who cares… see if this one ratchets itself into your wall.

Hear what I think is a hawk outside, from just off the back deck.  Makes me think of Sunriver.  That trip to Gualala, soon…. Or Santa Cruz.  Either way has to be by a beach.  Giving self an hour to write and collect here in the nook— Hawk agrees, singing again, this time louder and closer.

Then to HQ.  Write down, LIST, every lead, every conversation, every person and potential.  Take this into December and 2022.  Receipts to left, on that snack tray we’ve had since the San Carlos days… Mom would get us High Tech Burrito and we’d watch some show at night.  Smile, but then don’t reminded by time’s fury and commitment to agin us, making us realize it’s not forever and it runs out eventually and we don’t know when.

On not such a death-set etch, I have the most considerable commission of my AE story thus far landing on Friday.  Most of it going toward debt, the little I have, and the house.  Recognizing too that if I can keep that up, those species of checks then I will barely notice the monies missing from adjuncting.  All the texts and emails sent yesterday to students… next year not having to do that.  All the energy I can set in the AE story, bridging to Bottledaux and other projects… project that pay… projects that will deliver to my babies the life I want for them and that they deserve – where they’re happy, enjoying, safe, cared for on multitudinous plains.

Mornings, addictive.  No sound but the heater from vent behind me.  The hawk moved on I guess.  $26 to last rest of week.  New budgeting exercise already taking a hit yesterday with me succumbing to the tempt from Del Valle.  Those shrimp tacos… you would too, reader.  Trust me.

Identity, thinking about… toying with… realizing certain dimensions of.  Distracted by ideas… not letting much new in.  Simplifying, working with what’s already placed and active.  Espresso done, wanting another.  No Starbucks… coffee, morning, writing.. a story there.  Wine fading in significance, running now of more volume and meter.  Then what.

Scheduling knot… shit.  What does this always happen.  Writing on list.  Making another… When will I stop stressing about, well, anything and everything?  Does that come with age?  Sure as fuck hope so, ‘cause it’s exhausting.  Take a breath… you always hear that and are told so.  SO DO IT.  Okay done.  Guess I feel a little better, I guess…

My daughter, thinking about her and her birthday soon, party this Sunday.  6 years of life with this little girl…. Her birthday on the 15th though, not the 6th.  Either way, she’s getting grown, time again reminding.  I start to tear thinking about her and how I don’t see her as much, her brothers…. Then the tears flee and hurriedly retreat when the anger lands, the vengeance.  Breathing again… focus on Emma, I remind self.  Not some people who love that I’m hurt this way.  Retribution is always an option, not a necessity.

8:27, guess I should leave soon, right?  The New Story…. One morning then another, one day.  Don’t forget running stuff.  Friend getting workout done before 7 this morning.  How does she do that?? I have to.  I have to be her.  Changing movements and mind, belief in SELF.. augmenting.  Intensifying.

Leaving in 10-15.  Running at 11, doing new route around HQ.  Slow is the goal so I can reach 1 hour of running.  A full hour.  Slow and steady—  Hate that expression, especially when people who don’t run or have NEVER run in their life say it.  But it’s true, I have to say.  It is.  With Friday’s check, registering for the Napa marathon.

Running back from bedroom, right next to me now.  In a runner’s mind and personality, only wanting to run and find new routes and paths and….  Readying for day.  I’m in a me versus ME mode, and story, totality and reality. Poetry in ever rile and read of the me’s.

Categories
just writing

earlier

Email to students sent. Different perspective this morning, no surprise. Writings over the past couple days, more sharp and fanged.  Calming, calm… list of things the writer has to do, printed and set.  Friend’s words in head… finish the marathon, wake up early, start the day… things I’ve heard before but the way it was said has slights more sensible circulation and syncopation.

8:19, one client I need to email, will do that later.  Sipping latte and thinking more about the day and the to-do’s… the list… and that list of what I write about, adding the list to the list.  Can’t help but find that funny.

…..

9:04, reports sent in, now to budget.  Dollars by the day, getting molecular with the monetary.  Not counting excessively, just have it be completely black and white.

Going through receipts…. Done.  Budget, DONE.  On a roll of rolls this morning… tight budget, only singular percentages shifted, conservative but not unrealistic.  Only now like I told friend this morning am I getting it.  ‘It’ being money, and budgeting, investing… and only since the New Life started.

Have to clean this Nook Office.  Notes from the Nook Office, or just ‘Notes from Nook’.  Hmmm…. Everything that passes through this AE’s head.  Heading to coLAB in second half of day, after yogurt and granola lunch here at noon exactly.  Time for another sparkling water.  Then maybe an espresso shot, or that reversed…

Early to bed tonight, no fail.  Wake early and connect to everything gym has to offer me as a runner.  Distracted… should be working offsite, get out of the nook.  Distracted by house thoughts, and blog visions, seeing the office and everything associated.  10:34, time for the espresso shot.  Then maybe a shower, then depart from house.  Work at Starbucks maybe, not coLAB ‘cause then you’ll have to pay and for what, a maybe two-hour visit?

No.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Not looking for any house, not yet.

Settling in to morning.  Laundry, which as you know I deplore.  Not posting to blog.

Kids playing make-believe chess in other room.

New conversations stemming from new approach on something.  Last few business days of November coming up… then December which is basically the next year or planning for the next year.  Projections and all that…. 

Still after quiet, but not having it this morning so working with what I have.  This espresso telling me to take different directions.  And then new thoughts, seeing other views and possibilities, not hearing certain noises and humans.

The morning and I getting to know each other still, 8:46.  Nothing to write so I listen to the kids in the other room pretending to play chess.  Jack knows very much how, beating me twice last night but now playing with his sister and doing whatever feels kid-natural.

The Santa Cruz idea for next weekend…. Drawing in head.  Budgeting as much as I can without hurting house set-aside.  Commission check paid on Friday—

Nothing to write.  Not sure what to do or which Road to take.  Mood still sharp and bent…. Should have woken earlier to read, but….. 

Categories
just writing

8:14am – Instead of writing first thing, HOUSES first thing.

Nothing.  Well, nearly nothing.  One possibility, but I’m not much sold and I think I know what neighborhood it’s in.  Not bad, but…. I don’t know.

Kids up and look at and trading Pokemon cards, cereal and toast.  Stability, calm for the moment.  What are we doing today, Jack asks.  Says he wants to play football and frisbee and do something outside with me.  I promise him we will, then think about what.  Possible beach visit, go to a park in Healdsburg…

Kids begin their scuffle over whatever, anything they can think of.  “Stop it, Jack…” Emma says.  Jack continues to antagonize and provoke and test limits, see what he can get away with even testing me and my reaction pattern.

Double shot of espresso and nursing coffee now and still moving slow.  Xmas gifts for kids secured, then getting another later…. Love and deplore xmas, complicated composition of feeling surrounding this holiday.  Thanksgiving is simple.  Gather, eat and drink, enjoy, done.  Xmas is planning and fighting inventory discrepancies especially now.

Jack getting antsy, asking what we’re doing for the next two hours.  Good question.

How to speak the BDX language, engage others… simple question.  But so loaded.

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Health/Wellness

Aim Fire Time

EOD – 10:18pm back from Katie’s Thanksgiving dinner at her Sonoma house.  Kids in bed, others going to be.  Me motivated to keep working.  Not not just “motivated’, but committed and entrenched.  Thinking of ways to write differently, different addresses and yes topics or directions.  That will magnetize more happiness and contentment about me, extending to those close.

Talking to sister tonight for the first time in who knows how long, about what’s next in her career.  Of course not citing any specifics here but hearing what she said, then thinking of my story, the shift and everything involved in that.  Her house and my eventual domicile, here in Skyhawk or Windsor or wherever.

The stage now, this nook and the dark kitchen and family room, seemingly boring.  Not at all, I argue. Like my friend and those boards of cheese and meats, assorted nuts and crackers and what be… the blank board and the style of board atop which everything fits.  Nothing, then something drawn, composed.  And all at like 3 or 4-something in the morning.  Didn’t think I was going to sit here and type after getting home with Jack and Emma and putting them to bed and all that brings like brushing teeth, making sure blankets and pillows arranged to their liking….  A non-topic turned into a submittable piece— NO, something to just place in the world, no submission as I’m not waiting for any kind of acceptance.

Position here being the moment is decided, not assigned.  End-of-day and I could have just as easily gone to bed and said something to myself like “Eh I’ll write in the morning like I always do.” I don’t often do this, sit where I do during the week and produce something even if it’s a little rant or entry.

I can feel the tired crawling up veins and to brain but I’m not fighting it.  I’m allowing it to do its job while I do mine.  Thanksgiving over, time telling me it’s stronger, I’m getting old, then I tell it to fuck off by not telling it fuck off but rather just keep working.  Producing something, a new thought, a new visual of my future – coming books – that I’ll just decide into tangibility.  Driving home with Jack and Emma, Emma falling asleep in the back and Jack talking to me about everything he wants to do with his Pokemon (think I misspelled that in the last entry or somewhere) cards and what he trades and how with his friends.  He doesn’t overthink he just makes trades and discussion with his friend happen, and anywhere, wherever.

Still have a cough but not using that as any out to crawl into bed, stop writing.  Remember I have those cherry lozenges Mom gave me the other night.  One in, better.  Tired still in veins and moving more quickly and ubiquitously through my truths.  10:40, I’ll stop in a bit.  At least I did it, sat in the nook and worked.  Taking journal to bed with me.  Essay idea for tomorrow – targeted, understood, seized.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Then I plan. Xmas gifts for kids…. More budgeting for house…. DONE.

Jackie and I last night talking about Pokeman – or he doing most of the talking and teaching me about Pokeman.  Asking me if he can have some more cards and I said because he was good last night sure, I’ll get him some to play with on the way over to Auntie Katie’s tonight (As in, tonight, 11/26/21), and I should get Emma some new cards, and a new binder.  Incredibly fearful I’d forget he asked me where Sue keeps the post-it notes he wanting to write one and put it somewhere I wouldn’t forget.  So he wrote my action items, bullet by bullet and not forgetting to thank me.  Didn’t see note till this morning.  Not only did it make me smile but reminded me how now I have an opportunity to be the Dad I want to be – spoil them more, teach them what I’ve learned from my parents, and other.

Leaving soon to get some cash and get some xmas shopping done.  OH WAIT, I think some stores possibly Best Buy are closing this “Black Friday” because of covid or supply chain issues, something like that?  Okay.. looks like I’m online shopping.

I don’t mind spoiling them.  AT. ALL.  They have the rest of their lives to be stressed or disappointed or wishing they were still kids.  Now they are and I’m right with them. The K…..  Almost posted my gift targets for my wee Beats.  Only in Paris journal or OFFBLOG, never know who’s reading.  Well, that’s the thing I do, sucks for them.

The principle aim of BDX because bright this morning like this Santa Rosa sky and the love for my babies – Henry last night watching Wizard of Oz and unable to be distracted even with my kisses and snuggles and trying to make him giggle the way he does.  Last night’s print and finite impression not going anywhere at all…. Leaving house in a minute to Best Buy, see what I find.  Google search says they’re open, so……

And Google’s never wrong, right?  More espresso, are you shocked?  C’mon, be honest.

$5 to safe jar. Starting that again and not dismissing cash like I said I would, or not to the degree I thought I was going to or had to. Taking to friend yesterday night before last about money management and investing giving more idea dimension and kettle – burning this morning and I’m of set certainty and conviction I wasn’t just twelve hours ago with Henry on my lap watching Dorothy go up the cyclone and see those farmhands  out her window, then the witch.

Happiness composition – SELF, family, creative and—  THAT’S WHAT I FORGOT TO WRITE IN PARIS JOURNAL… The gratitude dues, or journal.  What I’m thankful for and yes so many suggest starting such a log or journal but I’ve always dismissed it.  Blending it in here, into the proper BDX province of posts…. Kids, their health, my health and life, family, Sonoma County, Sonic, friends at Sonic and elsewhere… this moment right here, now at this table in the nook… EVERYTHING.

Categories
just writing

So, Thanksgiving. Another.

Different this year obvious reasons but not focusing on.  Back house, 10:15, espresso and plotting day until kids arrive at 4.  A run, some writing, a power nap if I can which I don’t see as feasible.

Goal of reading 20 pages today, somehow.  Sedaris’ ‘Me Talk Pretty’ … giving self prompts just as I do the 1A or other section students.  Remembering my days in grammar and high school, like Sedaris in the first piece.  Never was pulled from class like him by the “Agent”, but how I interacted as a human, my priorities like my kids’ now.  Playing baseball, throwing a football, how riled you got when getting an A on a science test or some spelling quiz.  Reminding me where I am, where my family is, past relationships… Sedaris laid out a Road for me, that yes I’ve read but maybe didn’t pay close enough attention?

Light dinner last night, more of a snack…. Starving now.  Breakfast from somewhere.. shit, where.  Where’s open?  Mom’s in kitchen, don’t want to disturb her…. Starbucks, get one of those sandwiches.  Think that might be my only option, it being Thxgiving.

Inner voices chanting, encoring… finish the marathon, like she said.