Tag: #beinlovewithyourlife

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autre

Remember that web design idea I had?

Well I’m having it again.  And strong.  Can’t shake it… the Bloggerr Attik/whoso web design & narrative thoughts.  Don’t know why I want to name the business, or even what it entails fully.

Thinking more.. connectivity, with audience, quick response and fruition, not over-thinking.  Implementing many of Sonic’s principles and theses and mine of being About EVERYTHING.  

Everything in the visual the message, the words the individual writing them.  It all bombards me this morning and has me forgetting how tired I am.

Woke up before alarm set this morning for leads group meeting.  I tried going back to sleep but couldn’t and was irate in that take.  So, one more shot of espresso here in Nook even after the double I had before getting in car this morning before 7 and 1 coffee I had at Epicenter.

Accepting and celebrating the Now… these difficult clients, the slow time that it is now for sales around the holidays… prospecting not only new business but new ideas and attitudes and approaches in my own head.

Old pictures again, then one from last night with the two wines at dinner.  Sue and I just talking about which we liked better, and if they were both the same vintage how that would impact assessment and plain thought or reaction.

Wine has me moving a little slow this morning, complete candor.  But not compromised or impeded.  When will I fit in a run or 30/30 visit to new gym (30 min running, 30 weights).

…..

At HQ.  Prospecting.  Coffee.  Yes, more caffeine.  May go to lunch with our Lead Tech Trainer… wait, that’s not her title anymore.  She made her own position… give me the idea of….

Sent email to new prospect. Lawyer in downtown Pet’.  Then…

Categories
Health/Wellness

4:56. EOD. #mymusicmoodnow…

Making a project of this.  Not sure what form’s to take.  Thought while listening to remix of ‘Don’t Kill My Vibe’ with Jay-Z.  Do I want it to be a music blog or discussion arena or….

Have to remember, bed early tonight so I can make it to gym just after 5.  Pack bag, get another shirt.  Dinner in 90 minutes.  Only been to Salt & Stone once, with Meliss and the kids.  Henry was so little then.  Was writing earlier about getting old both in humorous hue but also fear and bitterness, now I’m just amazed… how fast it’s all passing.

News on, listening a little… crimes in SF, groups stealing shit from stores.  Ugh, depressing.  Need some SB, or Chardonnay.  Not sure what we have open.

Music, now and always. Anchors introducing stories and commenting, the who what where why when how and whatever else.  My vibe, completely musical.. encouraged.  Complete opposite of yesterday.  Again, my doing and choice to let that mood and vibe annex my attitude.  Some people are right with my erratic spats.  Working on it.  Well, trying I guess.

Wine…. What speaks to me. Nothing honestly.  Definitely in a wine funk or stall.

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Health/Wellness

10:18…. Need a break.

A break from the writing break.

Have to prospect today, post to #prospectesk about my attitude yesterday and how I got in Mike Madigan’s way.  No one else.  More than lesson in humility.  Not sure what exactly… understanding of self, something….

Quiet in house, opportunity to collect and gather.  Start 2022… SALES, fused with humor, better Mental Health practices, share ideas…. All thought this morning on treadmill, latter miles.

Peace.  What I feel right now.  Nothing like this yesterday.  Contrast its own contract, new identity and sight practice.

Working on new email letter, prospects.. to send anywhere and everywhere.

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Health/Wellness

5.37 miles, 719 calories.

Not at 5:30 when I planned on leaving the Skyhawk hut, but a couple hours after.  Alarm went off at 5, then 5:30, then 6-something, then I woke again just before 7 and said FUCK THIS… rose from sheets, brushed teeth and was out door.  First workout at new gym just down the street.  Don’t think it even took 2 minutes to get there, contrasted with grimy 24 Hour Fitness which is easily 15-20 minutes away.  Cancelling at some point today when out running errands.

Confirmed booster appointment.  12/22.  Why do far?  Oh well, at least it’s scheduled.

Not letting self get stressed and dismayed as I was yesterday.  Glad I left all that paragraph trash OFFBLOG.  Sipping Oliver’s coffee slow, smooth jazz in background from kitchen TV… looking at spec sheet for condo.  MY excited is distracting, imagining the first pages I write there… the kids playing in the backyard, our first dinner, our first night together then seeing them the next morning wanting breakfast.  I think of them in the house with me more than the actual house or condo or wherever I end up and what comes with it.

Quiet morning so far but as you know that can change.  Someone told me recently that Tuesday is the most productive day of the week?  Is that true?  Feeling much better today…. Why do I let some people, in personal and business life, bother my character’s circuitry and forward.  Yes, I’m trying to find it funny like I wrote yesterday but as I get older it’s more challenging.  Well… there you go right there.. the comedy in getting old.  I can just blame everything and all the stupid shit I do and say on that… “I’m an old man, leave me alone!” I can hear self saying and actually now say in head here in Nook office making self smile and raise the Oliver’s coffee cup in toast, celebration, FREEDOM from my own anxiety.

Not going to be like some people that instinctively and reflexively, without for even a nanosecond thinking point the finger at others.  It’s me, it’s ALL me I thought with not even a mile tallied on the tread this morning.  Me versus ME.  Let that battle BE.  Outside imps not heard anymore.. only the inner scuffles.  Not in a bad way, no.. just realizing that I need take more responsibility over Mike Madigan.  “Old fuddy-duddy…” I say.  True.  Living this morning, not chained by these dimwit clients that don’t want to pay…. Avoiding the rabbit hole.  Filled with serpents, devils, cages, dark dimensional periphery.  All in my head.  MY doing.  DONE.

Appointment at 1, just set with Engineer.  Early to bed again tonight so I can hopefully be on belt at 5:30 at the latest tomorrow.  Like I planned this morning.  Just remembered, set fasting stopwatch last night – 13 hours and 25 minutes, still counting.  10:12 now.  Much better morning than yesterday.  Again, why I ask myself.. ‘cause I decided that mood.  I was the character I wrote.  Sorry to come back to this but we need to realize WE are accountable for our words and moods and movements.  And I’m just realizing that now, at 42.  Jesus….

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wine

Wanting more. I’ve said this before.

When I started at Sonic and was asked, “Why would you leave the wine industry?”

One answer, “I didn’t.” Then next, “I wanted and want what everyone else does.  MORE.”

Thinking of my winery, the tasting room… only invite.  Friends, family… and I mean REAL friends and family.

MORE… more to the wine story and books.  Always there, speaking to me, taunting me with old pictures and tasting notes… one page full of scribbles on Kaz’s wines when he had a Kenwood tasting room.

Quiet in the vineyards, then in the lab and on bench when tasting through lots.

Pages…

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autre

12/5/21

7:10am.

Up early and Emma’s gifts ready.  Leaving in about 30 minutes.  A few thoughts about yesterday’s wines and people, experiences and drives but I don’t want to write about wine right now, or for a while today.  Just want to think about my little Emma… how grown she is, how much I love her and SHE makes me smile like no other human being can.

What I want to be for her, and her brothers.  No more distractions from these other humans.  Another thought from yesterday, the quiet of the vineyards and the tasting room when no one’s around.  More time for writing, for collection, SELF – Beyond happy I’m not in the tasting room today.  Starting to wonder what that’s doing for me, if anything.  Helping out a friend, yeah.. okay… but I need to be set and firm in the AE story.  27 days left in 2021 counting today.  Looking at that condo later… unless it has a rotting cow carcass in it, I’ll make an offer.

Quiet today… radio silence.  See what the reaction, if any, is.  And not from the other humans, FROM MYSELF.  No social media… just writing, notes, reading, study… how being About EVERYTHING is supposed to be going forward and well into 2022.

Categories
wine

Latte, scone for Sue.

Leaving around 12:15 for tasting mission of day in West County.  Can’t really remember the itinerary.  Think we’re going to Merry Edwards, still can’t believe I’ve lived in Sonoma County over 20 years and never been.

Sue interrupts me telling of a condo that was just listed.  I see it, text my agent immediately.  Last night and this morning my thoughts obsessive with my own structure, writing room.  Moving more money around today for purposes of.. debt nearly gone.  Check wasn’t what I thought, but still round enough to invest and put toward business.

This latte, needed.  This writer needing a break from the espresso machine and coffee.  Needing Newness, new stories, new experiences… revisiting notes on Kerouac’s Road and how his character didn’t know what he wanted but richly did.  I’m the same, I feel, at this age.  I’m Sal, I’m Dean.  Not teaching next term as you know but more studious and “academic” than I’ve ever been.

Texted to see how kids are, no response.  No sweat from my skin, none.  Today is mine, and the story’s.  A collaborative of love Composition.  Mom finishing her scone and thanking me I say no problem dn the yay-saying yodel of the day continues.  Just need more quiet…. No slander or fault of anyone, just want I’m thinking.  Starting to think that everything passing through Mike Madigan’s head will be ONBLOG.  The OFFBLOG terrace may be soon bulldozed.

Las night after dinner with friend going into Ross which I mostly hate doing but we somehow make it enjoyable.  Candle for Sue/Mom and little bath toys for little Henry.  First— or no, second— xmas present bought.  Which reminds me I need to go to ….. to get the presents for the big kids.

Want to buy a present for self, but what. Nothing I want.  Wine, but that’s not a present and I haven’t been buying much lately in fact have quite the militaristic budget bound for today.  And Pinot… don’t see myself buying much of it, or Chardonnay.  My wine mind this morning is equable, even and placid.  Going back to where I started – wine and literature.  It’s all stories, I’m reminded.  Even last night with no wine other than the one glass I had at SEA Thai, I thought of where I eventually see self in addition to all the tech and internet steps in my pages.  More later….

What am I looking for today…. STORIES.  Any story.  Even more of the story of Chris and I tasting every other weekend though two weekends ago we didn’t with his mother visiting.  Forcing self to extend from wine and my wine memories, the wines poured at my sister’s on Thanksgiving that I didn’t taste, her boy friend having a couple glasses of the Benovia Pinot magnum, I think a ’13, or ’14.  Smelling it reminded me of walking the Arista Pinot lots on their Westside property, and being in the cellar of that winery in Beaune.

Not about wine, but about EVERYTHING wine and people and stories, conversations.  Budget for day, set.  EVERYTHING… each facet and frame, inch and inclination in the story.  This all comes from wine, wine country and my family choosing to move up here years ago… Sue starting on-call/part-time in the St. Francis TR then Katie getting that cellar/lab rat gig.  And now I’m here, 2021, still interested and more than interested I’m living it.

11:01, Katie texts and it WAS a ’14.  I’m not this biggest Burgundy bloke, but I’m in a Pint mood and mode and meant-manuscript, and no not in a Sideways way.

Categories
parenting life

Being a dad. I’m a dad.

Sometimes I shock myself by the reminder of that reality.  The kids, missing them horribly tonight, today.  Often think they are the ONLY source of writing for me.  How Henry could walk any day now, Jack always telling me what he’s learned and how he loves playing catch with me like Wednesday night in the backyard then playing soccer versus each other.  And of course the light and love of my life, Emmie….  Six years old soon.

Fatherhood, like a university – a reflective plain and plateau.

Last night at the casino only think about them, and their mother, and all of this.  Sometimes I think I should write about ALL of it and post it, universally ONBLOG.  No I then say, stopping self.  Save for book.

The kids, like little professors.  The whole #professormikey thing easily pushed to side, EASILY, by the little professors Jack, Emma, and Henry Lucas.  Old pictures from Facebook memories then little Henry just the other night, the same Wednesday, sipping from his wee cup looking up at me groaning for more food the lifting his arms insisting I hold him.  Of course I’m biased, but he’s fascinating.  All three of them.

Back to classroom.

Categories
Health/Wellness

…writing about them be it Sonic employees, Sales Engineers, baristas at Starbucks—  SHIT, budget.  Have to do that first.

Maybe after lunch.

No now.

Okay.

Budget done, 11:04, time for food truck.  Wonder what it is….  What am I in the mood for?  The one Sales Engineer still on phone, talking energetically about an appointment in Emeryville.  I need to be more focused on our fiber-optic network.  Need to sell ONLY that.  Forget these other circuits.  Singularity, isn’t that what I’m always talking about?

Consolidation….

Simplification.

SINGULARIZATION.

A writer and that’s it.

Forget wine, forget teaching.  “Teaching”…. Just this.  About EVERYTHING, story and pages and voice.  Getting up.  No more coffee.  Restroom and walk outside to truck.

……..

Back at desk.  12:05.  Sipping sparkling water and wanting a nap.  Call at 1:30.  Then thinking go home for a bit.  Lunch was average.  Definitely not my favorite of the trucks I’ve seen here.

Prepping the small addendum for client, will finish when “lunch” hour is over, 1pm.  Sipping water, told agent I don’t want to see the one dingy house.  Shit, how long is this going to take, find a house.  I’m beyond impatient at this point…

Categories
wine

Side office, usual room. Last two or three times it’s been taken.

……..

Quick poem.  Writing break.  Coffee.  Cold in office. Smells nice in here, like a candle was lit or something.

Not feeling a run, postpone till tomorrow morning… first thing.  Before anything.  I don’t care if I’m up late tonight with the Enterprise team, I’m waking early and running or using that gym down the street, Anytime Fitness.  24 is garbage, and they charge way too much.  And there’s too many goddamn people.

Trouble concentrating even with this quiet and Tycho playing.  Needed music I know and am comfortable with, know and am used to in the morning.

Then the morning is quiet.  Sent multiple emails and did one call now nothing.  Sent another email.

Hungry.

Hangry… yes I said it.  Hate that word, but it’s fitting.  Will work at Farmers.  Don’t want to go back to the house, not yet.

Upbeat remix, but I forward past it.  Put on Coltrane.  Want to read, but have to work.  Sedaris, Kerouac… spend a day reading and writing and fiddling with random thoughts.  The ones you usually dismiss or think aren’t worth writing.

Peace… just want peace.  In EVERYTHING, and with EVERYONE… even those you’d think I’d be after the opposite.  Quiet.  ZEN…. Poetry and music, Mr. Coltrane’s riffs into the day and night and into tomorrow morning.  Finish the fucking book, Mike… My sister and her house, wanting one like that.  That room off to the left as soon as you walk in, what I see my office looking like.  Little writer’s cove.  Simple, not much decoration just atmospheric focus and thesis, visual voice.

Next song….  In no mood to prospect or deal with idiots.  Literally NONE.  Should be writing OFFBLOG.  Saying what’s really in these contemplative barrios.  Travel and wine…. One word, singularity.. the Now.  In this chair, watching an email come in.  No rush to respond, and not just ‘cause I have an attitude.  It’s not urgent.

The humor in this, sales… hahahahaha, I make myself sound.  Email to one prospect, then another… WAIT, idea….  Done.  See what happens.  Trying to start new conversations, make them convert.  More focus on Sonic and the AE story, blending it with writing and wine and BDX.

Stop thinking, just write.  Write irresponsibly.  Notes for tomorrow budget from commission check.  Quick notes, see what the actual amount is.  Want… not saying here, saving for OFFBLOG.

Messaging AE friend David, can’t do lunch but is going tonight.

People, and what they do for work… life’s work, passion projects or doing something just to pay bills.  This topic and story has been a focus and emphasis of mine forever.  This morning, it shakes me like 1906.  Something BETTER for yourself… having to look for a new job.  Just on the mind, from images of me eventually just doing wine, pouring my bottles in a small tasting room, by appointment.  Have to find a way to get there… starting here in the AE story, bridging it.

Looking at wines at K&L, then Bottle Barn, what I’d make with my sister hopefully if she stays local.