Not at 5:30 when I planned on leaving the Skyhawk hut, but a couple hours after. Alarm went off at 5, then 5:30, then 6-something, then I woke again just before 7 and said FUCK THIS… rose from sheets, brushed teeth and was out door. First workout at new gym just down the street. Don’t think it even took 2 minutes to get there, contrasted with grimy 24 Hour Fitness which is easily 15-20 minutes away. Cancelling at some point today when out running errands.
Confirmed booster appointment. 12/22. Why do far? Oh well, at least it’s scheduled.
Not letting self get stressed and dismayed as I was yesterday. Glad I left all that paragraph trash OFFBLOG. Sipping Oliver’s coffee slow, smooth jazz in background from kitchen TV… looking at spec sheet for condo. MY excited is distracting, imagining the first pages I write there… the kids playing in the backyard, our first dinner, our first night together then seeing them the next morning wanting breakfast. I think of them in the house with me more than the actual house or condo or wherever I end up and what comes with it.
Quiet morning so far but as you know that can change. Someone told me recently that Tuesday is the most productive day of the week? Is that true? Feeling much better today…. Why do I let some people, in personal and business life, bother my character’s circuitry and forward. Yes, I’m trying to find it funny like I wrote yesterday but as I get older it’s more challenging. Well… there you go right there.. the comedy in getting old. I can just blame everything and all the stupid shit I do and say on that… “I’m an old man, leave me alone!” I can hear self saying and actually now say in head here in Nook office making self smile and raise the Oliver’s coffee cup in toast, celebration, FREEDOM from my own anxiety.
Not going to be like some people that instinctively and reflexively, without for even a nanosecond thinking point the finger at others. It’s me, it’s ALL me I thought with not even a mile tallied on the tread this morning. Me versus ME. Let that battle BE. Outside imps not heard anymore.. only the inner scuffles. Not in a bad way, no.. just realizing that I need take more responsibility over Mike Madigan. “Old fuddy-duddy…” I say. True. Living this morning, not chained by these dimwit clients that don’t want to pay…. Avoiding the rabbit hole. Filled with serpents, devils, cages, dark dimensional periphery. All in my head. MY doing. DONE.
Appointment at 1, just set with Engineer. Early to bed again tonight so I can hopefully be on belt at 5:30 at the latest tomorrow. Like I planned this morning. Just remembered, set fasting stopwatch last night – 13 hours and 25 minutes, still counting. 10:12 now. Much better morning than yesterday. Again, why I ask myself.. ‘cause I decided that mood. I was the character I wrote. Sorry to come back to this but we need to realize WE are accountable for our words and moods and movements. And I’m just realizing that now, at 42. Jesus….