Tag: #beinlovewithyourlife

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autre

In nook.  Budget and planning for blogging gigs…. No sense prospecting seriously for the rest of the day, I know.  Reviewing the actual picture, the picture of the office, what I want…. I swear, I can see it.  RIGHT HERE, in front of me if I stare at the  wall for even like 10 seconds, sometimes less.

Stop, pause, collect… errands.  Cash, BB&B for more espresso pods of course, then See’s candy for kids, car wash, lunch…. Should leave now.  Or soon.

Adding to list, all lists.  No interest in a nap, when I thought I wanted one.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Just realized something, AGAIN…. I need to talk to readers more.

YES, that means you.  What are you doing, right now.  How did you get there?  What do you do for work?  Do you like it?  Hate it?  WHY?

Who reads this blog?  Who else writes?  I need to know, and I haven’t been pushy enough with this.

Are you drinking coffee right now?  Do you not drink coffee or espresso or anything with caffeine in it?  Why the fuck not and how do you do that?

More discussion… more.  Anywhere I can find it…

Not many people in this Santa Rosa Starbucks.  And I’m so caffeinated I could probably skip over this building and Highway 12 right next to it.

What do I write, now?  What do you write?  Do you?  How do you break out of some stall or rut?  Don’t want to say ‘writer’s block’, but yeah that.

Person I know working here, who I used to see working at another Starbucks  close to somewhere I used to live (blah blah blah….), arranging something on a shelf, then back behind counter.  Not moving fast.  When do they have to be here, Baristas?  I’ve always been fascinated by them, or anyone who wakes up super early and starts producing, making money…. My friend with her charcuterie business, 3-something AM.  How does she do that?  What would change in my story and reality if I did that?  If I ran more like I used to or went to the gym like my friend Abraham… or like Dad did when a pilot, tired and navigating a big-ass aircraft full of people.

The people waking at unusually early hours more than just intrigue me… I’m obsessed with them.  I want to be one of them.  ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?  If so, how do you do it?  How do you go from being to being such a being?

Categories
just writing

notez

Finishing a 16-line verse, the first in months.  Think the last I wrote was at the Peet’s in Sonoma, WEEKS AGO.

Change that.  More music.. more poetry.. poems a day, no matter length or if it rhymes.

Idea after idea… poem after poem, conversation then another…. The day’s love speaks to me and directs only more forward direction.  “The positive pulse and music of the day is always there for you to connect with.”, I just wrote to self.  And I believe it, fully, not just phony affirmation.

Latte, I thank you as well.  All three shots.

Categories
just writing

Basis Candidate

…..

Short day today, clocking out at 1.  But not me.  Maybe the rest of Enterprise Tribe.  At Farmer’s Starbucks, collecting self and thoughts, planning 2022.  Some in the leads group this morning giving me ideas, especially concerning audience and audience address.

Finding an event in SF to attend, for tech, “networking” I guess you could say but for me it’s more than that, a lot more.  No convinced I want to attend the one I found, but maybe…

Moving slow this morning, not much to write.  3-shot latte, hopefully that will help.  Not convinced it will.

Just keep writing I tell myself, again.  Like I’m one of my students and it’s that easy.  New music through wired buds.  What after this.  What do I want to do…?  Listen to music… write one song.  In the new house, a music room, which more than likely will be my room, I’m thinking.  One song today…. Time self.  Do in one sitting.

Ah, now I’m writing.  Music bringing to me and from me more life than even the topic of wine, or running….  One song, NOW.  While here intros Starbucks…

My music mood now – FREEDOM.  Liberation… LIFE, the immediate scene.

IMMEDIATELY.

Categories
Health/Wellness

notes

Quiet.  Looking for new leads but not really.

Need a house, my own space…. Driving me MAD this morning, all those types of thoughts.  Not int he mood to work, but if I don’t work, yeah I know, no house payment and no house.  The it when people remind me of that, even if it’s MYSELF.

Nothing in head, like I’m an empty plastic container you see at the end of an isle at Target on special, or clearance.  What else can I do while here… look at houses.  Why not.  Agent just told me one of the houses I was schedule to visit later today just went into contract.  

FUCK.

I’m getting impatient, yes.  That’s me, didn’t you know?  Okay.. looking…

Not much out there.  Going back and forth between laptops….  And I’m still going.

Why do I keep using ellipsis.  Am I that lazy?

Hungry.  Need a snack.  Something.  What.

Bought one of those Cliff bars, chocolate and peanut crunch.  It’s okay.  Hoping it keeps me appeased till lunch.  And why am I going on about food like this.  Topic NEXT.

New idea hits me.  Well, not really a new one, but to refocus on tech exclusively when prospecting.  And if not exclusively then emphatically.  As an AE for an internet company in the SF Bay Area, it should be too hard.  To kill quota, make President’s Club, start my own internet company, right?  That’s how I’m thinking, that’s where I am in the simplistic consideration of things.  11:21 already.  Shit.  My thinking took me out for a drive, to the cleaners.

The analogy, which I still don’t much care for and certainly didn’t when I first heard it, of dating and looking for new business shakes me right now as I sit in this seat…. Not in any way interested in dating of course, but finding new business HAS TO start with people.  Not the business or business type, address, is it serviceable or whatever.

Categories
Health/Wellness

See How I

Two appointments, just texted to confirm.  Not allowing Starbucks today.. yes I’ve fallen back into the goddamn addiction.  New sushi place last night, never been before and it was perfect.  Exactly what I needed after a Monday which tested me only ‘cause I fucking let it.

In a writer’s wheel and posture this morning.  8:17am, don’t imagine much will be happening today with conversations or leads or really anything. Thanksgiving in 2 days… seriously how the EFF did that happen.  How was that allowed to happen?  Why is time such a dick…

One lead needing to schedule a call with, so that’ll be Monday.  Then more searching…. Can’t get the prospect of President’s Club out of my head..  All I have to do is be one of the top two quota attainers, and above 100%.  If the Berkeley thing closes, that should do it.  But don’t bank on that… go after smaller shops, I’m thinking.  Have a more SMB approach rather than looking for these 20+ seat deals.  Thinking out loud, but it helps.  We should all do this… what you want and how you’ll get it.  Speaking of, email students… will do that in a minute.

More notes… the espresso, receipts I need to enter into Quicken… Fuck, behind again?  This always happens.  Just put it on calendar, like for 6 or 7pm and with a glass of wine – “ENTER DAY’S RECEIPTS!” Why is that so hard for me.  Why is any of this the way it is, this adulting thing.  Where are the receipts..?  Right there, other side of table…. Okay, start with the first one, Peet’s on Broadway, the latte I said I wouldn’t have that morning.

Receipts entered.  Guess I feel good or accomplished about it.  Now to more espresso, or a coffee— NO, don’t spend.  Another shot… Mom comes out with her laptop, how she reads the news, the Press Democrat on their site.  May leave for coLAB in a minute, in fact yes… work out of house.  Lunch with Nick at noon at Bird and Bottle, I think…. Dinner here tonight.  Day more or less mapped out, but changes… type in living room tonight on one of those couches, finish an essay…

Waiting to hear back from realtor, and Nick.  Holding pattern in morning 8:38 and wondering what else I can do to get in President’s club.  They’d be taking us to Maui… when was the last time I was in Maui… 1996?  Jesus… I have to make this happen.  Get on phone, sign anything and everything, no matter size.

You know what, I may go into the office after all…. coLAB charges for each visit aside from the most basic membership, you know one of those co-working spaces, and I need to save every penny possible saving for a house, right?  Okay.. what’s my next move… Pack up.  Get in car.  You’re not going to be able to touch President’s club from this nook… not until you have your own nook, your own house.  Can’t happen soon enough.

……..

Side office, forgot I had a call at 9:30, 9 minutes.  Coffee from break room, didn’t give in to Starbucks thoughts.  Sipping coffee, staring out window and thinking of approaches to this sprint toward president’s club.  And, why do I want it so badly?  For the trip to Maui….?  Not really.  Just to know I could do it and DID.

Look for more leads… where.  EVERYWHERE.

Categories
autre

Like two identities, two Mike Madigans transposing with new life-love and eagerness…

10:28am, inbound lead sent email he responds and like that I have a phone appointment for later.  Not much chatter with the AE’s, in fact completely silent.  More exploration… inward talk.  Like on old uhlan heading into combat, self versus self.  Me versus ME.

Conversation taking an odd form.  Losing interest and only wanting to write, finish the book and this year which has re-written the story in ways I always hoped would transpire but wasn’t sure would but then definitively did.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Not sure how many people I’m going to get ahold of this week.

……..

Some people in department already on vacation.  AE friend David in the desert or something, and I’m not sure about the others…

People talking in hallway, distracting me a bit but I’m allowing that.  I allow all of it, anything that encumbers or obstructs…. The mood itself is conceptual, actualized only by me.  Think I get it now.

Outside feeling much like November, which I LOVE.  My favorite month—  Just had a thought of sandbagging this next impressive sale till December, then take vacation days before xmas… go to Tahoe— Wait what?  In that piece of shit Prius?  No.  Okay… then Monterey.  Much more doable.  Miss that little town, the restaurants and bar at Plaza.  Definitely a possibility… looking at room prices now…

When this all first happened someone recommend I take a trip by myself, think I wrote that somewhere here on blog.  Now, I’m set to progress in the idea.  Maybe Santa Cruz.  Hmmm…..

I am made and remade continually, Virginia Woolf said.  Totally feel this, this morning.  Remaking myself to just get on the phone and cold-call, much I don’t fucking want to.  Looking at word count of this doc… 301k.  At 21’s start I promised the average of 1000 words a day.  Little behind…. Can catch up.  Log every goddamn thought and post to blog regardless of potential for fallout.  

This will impact certain relationships with characters, the conversation with them.  But I can’t allow self to care.  It’s all about the work, the words, the self-exploration and making this AE story the Bottledaux story… the new Mike Madigan story.  That’s where my focus is… About EVERYTHING for this story, for the work, the blog and the resulting company.

Drafting letter to students…. Looking in email for any lead….  Found one, but already touched that one.  Okay… so now what.

The latte is fucking strong, oh my god.  Should I dump out the rest?  No… embrace it, partner with it.  It’s a love storm, an encourager.  More communicative than others, that’s for sure.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Pretty sure I have a mild cold, but using past.

In office, 4-shot latte needed and some Tycho to relax me a bit.  Communicating pricing to a prospect in a bit, but want to hear from SE first.

Sending out email to students, closing the semester in effect.  Then, all focus on 2022, Bottledaux, #prospectesk, #bloggerrattik, etc….  EVERYTHING.

Was in a mood but now calming, leveling… emailed Director Mark and now combing through leads, old ones and potential new ones.  The only topic being scribbled on and toward in AE Notebook 1.

Messaged friend in HR to see if we have Friday off.  Pretty sure we do….

Friend walks by, throws peace sign.  9:07.

We do have Friday off.  Awesome…. Can use beginning part of day to online xmas shop and rest and write before the kids are picked up.  My weekend coming up, and I can hardly wait… feel like I haven’t seen them in years.  Seriously feels like years, no joke.  Focusing on them today, the whole day, till this fog is gone… this mood muck ‘caused only be me and letting some people and their voices in my circulation and synaptic reaction.

Internal roister, encouraging self.  Snap out of it, Mikey…

Snapping, singing, seeing.

Categories
just writing

this morning

Lights off in TR, just day’s brightness through window opening up room and day.  Listening to Emancipator, but even these tracks I feel I’ve heard too many times.  Goddamnit… the same is happening with music as wine.  BOREDOM.  Or complacency, stagnant mind and feel.

Noticing some characters changing, which only shoves me more forcefully and lovingly to be FREE in these types and entries…. HAPPINESS, the definition and embodiment.  Everything becomes univocal.  EVERYTHING.

…..

Want to taste through each wine in this tasting room, write more about wine.  Always say that, but force self down a wined not so much rabbit hole but creative fall (which is more a rise than a fall).  The industry… this is not ‘industry’, what I do on the weekends here at Chris’ place.  This is eagerness to be around wine, that’s it.  Yes I enjoy selling, but it’s not the nexus of my purpose, here or with anything pertaining to vino.  Sipping the latte I see the vineyards I saw driving here on Kunde’s property and in Glen Ellen around where BR Cohn is.  MY wine story and past revisits… again and again and aggrandizes.

Wonder if my Kamen friends are next-door yet.  Probably not.  10:24, still a little early.  I’ll clock in at 10:30, but everything out – tables and chairs – then taste through flight.

……..

Cancelling on 11/30.

LoFi beats now… relax Mikey.  This is what happens when you have too much caffeine…

…..

10:55 should open door soon, or now, get some air from the Square and let the day start.  Start with the story, the day’s story, these LoFi tracks I have playing trying to relax self and not be so tense and intense and stressed about matters and things and people I can’t control.  I don’t want to “control” anything, honestly.  Just the lines on this page, this screen.  If I can even do that.

Pretending this is my winery.  Done it before but not like today.  I mean, I’m not going to tell people this is my label, but act like it.  Should taste through what’s not he flight, then take notes… have something new for this day to say.  Okay.. I’m a winemaker, winery owner.  I need to do this more, pretend like my daughter does when she plays having full on conversations with toys and beings that aren’t there…