Tag: #beinlovewithyourlife

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Health/Wellness

Jack in shower. Emma awake watching cartoons.

My aunt telling me that she and my uncle often drive out to Gualala and spend a couple night.  What I’m thinking I’ll do next weekend by myself.

Inclined to write about a recent discovery but won’t.  Keep a smile on face this morning with this double espresso.  Quiet, meed quiet, walks on sand, wave sounds, sights of houses or lighthouses or docks, wharfs or piers, something like that.

Mike Madigan story, exactly what I want and need and need to study.  Emmie, my perfect little daughter, only wanting one thing this morning… cartoons in the bed I sleep in.  That’s it.  Simple.  Again the little human like her brothers teaching me.  Too much joy and quietude around me to let some people and their ways and devilish underhandedness bend m patience or composition.

Looking up spots in Gualala now…..  Need newness.  Tired of writing in this same spot, having this stack of receipts I always put off entering into my little finances log…. More detail to this Road, this turbulent ocean stretch toward unfettered liberation.  Have to do so OFFBLOG, but in being About EVERYTHING it’s present here in unseen but felt presence. 

Beach pictures, sunset, a trail…..

Not stopping at 199 words as I thought I would, as would be written on the BDX office wall, “199 and STOP”, or something like that.

The espresso works quick.  Writing notes to…..  Monday certain certainties will be communication and disputed lines escalated.  We’re taught so often to fear reaction, response.. why?  Isn’t that life?  Doesn’t everything have a ricochet effect to one intensity or another?

Friend messaging me this morning but I’m not in the mood to answer her.  Feel bad, but I need to write, be more honest, more truthful in this prose and how this shift is re-writing Mike Madigan.  Not buying the camera, or the music equipment, not yet.  Need the house secured, moved in.  Then get rid of that horrendous Prius, which may come prior to the Windsor or Skyhawk, or somewhere else in Santa Rosa, home.

Jack walks into the room, his sister behind him.  Jack teaches her the difference between Pokeman cards, Emmie asks questions and Jack answers but not sure Emmie understands, same with Jack but he continues to talk.  Emma leaves the room and goes to my mother for something, looking for Pokeman the cartoon or to look at cards online, something.

Back in my net of planning and consideration, the book and blog and dinner with parents tonight discussing strategy and business and the next move.  What wine to pour, whatever else.  Love our discussions, how we deconstruct ideas and then build something from there.  Imagine that….

The morning started with the kids, me going in saying hi after shower and some notes.  Took Paris journal from backpack.  More pen to paper.  Next essay, submitted, submitted somewhere… singular word practice and just as I tell students.  And yes, TELL, not suggest.  So enact what you echo Mikey, I say to myself with obvious sarcastic patch.

Heading to Gualala.  Next weekend, more than likely.  Just me and a couple changes of outfit and the Paris journal.  No laptops allowed, no excuses. Kids having breakfast, me not wanting to stop in the key slaps, look out window and see that same style of fog.. what does it say to me – “BE FREE. STOP WITH THE TENSENESS, MORNING OR OTHER.”

Categories
Health/Wellness

11/13/21

……..

7:55 up with kids.  Didn’t get up at my friend’s hour to run and/or go to gym.  I’m furious with self. Way too long this has continued.  Picking up Henry at 11 and have to go see a house before that, leaving me less that 2 hours from now realistically to do anything.  Some arms in room after this espresso shot, that’s the one aim.  30 minutes, arms.

Energy deficit in character this morning, not sure if that’s from waking up at 12-something this morning or the sleep hangover from yesterdays nap…. Sleep needs more attention, just noting now.  Have known for some time but I see them go to bed impressively early then wake just as impressively early to dash to gym, get a 90 minute workout logged before the sun has any chance to stamp the sky.

12.5 hours into fast.  Tempted to have eggs or something but no.  More than an act of discipline but a vicious re-write.  Making a full health/wellness/nutrition project and effort in addition to all these other ideas and projects and businesses.

Fog out the window, pointed out to kids and they said “Ghost fog!”, as I’ve pointed out to them when I used to drive them over Fountaingrove or to their summer camp months ago.

“Do you know that some candy lasts forever?” Jack says to my mom.  Then he starts talking about college and where he’s going to go.  Sonoma State, he states. I laugh here at the keyboard.  Sip the espresso again and look at clock.  8:08… okay, 20 minutes till I have to do something, then workout for 30 minutes.  It’s something, I tell myself.  Something in this new project.  Hunger stays but I ignore it… text from someone, then idea to email market… all this could be addressed with sharp sharpness and value if I could just wake at their hour.

Jack and everything he said on drive to house then to his house then back here… about latte he tasted, how he didn’t like house… what else.  He’s writing an autobiography and was up at 5-something this morning writing.

7:38pm.  Home from dinner, Jack excited about he and I going to a comic book store tomorrow.  Another of his wonderful questions from earlier while driving, “Why are schedules even important?  You either do them or don’t.” A fine point, I thought.  At the table now and readying for early bedtime, an idea for an essay, a move for BDX, how much money did I spend today (don’t think anything except for gas, right?)…. decaf espresso, only the second time I’ve had this.

Today’s reminded me to just focus more on Jack, Emmie, and Henry.  They are a career of publications be they articles or books or essays, or just random notes I thumb into my phone.  They teach me about business and how to build, how to behave, all of it.  Just before bed, I agree to let them watch a little of some kids movie on Netflix.  Friend messages me, sip decaf again, yawn…. Early bed again for the writer like last night.  Emmie says something that makes both my parents laugh, I smile…. Happiness and its Composition, definition both denotative and conno’….  Sense of all this, effortless.  Just follow them, I say to myself over and over before scribbling in Paris journal.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Going outside. Starving. Need fresh air too. Oh, a nap after that… should I?

YES.  After this week, no brainer.

11:57am done with lunch and thinking about leaving office.  Go home and take a quick power nap wake to some espresso then line up what I can for next week.

Nothing to do, packing then will leave.  Nap sounds amazing.  Still a little hungry, lunch was light.  Refraining.  More fasting…. Sparkling water now, chewing some mint gum I forgot was in the backpack.

2:56pm, after a nap.  Won’t lie.  Needed and now that I’ve logged one for purposes of self-care which seems to be the dominant idea of the day starting this morning.  Idea, logging in Paris journal.  Telecom and internet work essentially done for the day.  Need another shot of espresso.  Not doing doubles anymore but one shot at a time as it appears to be more effective that way.

Going through photos again… my daughter when she was super little, vineyards, wine, more vineyards and wine, the Dutcher Crossing crew then Dutcher Crossing vineyard blocks.  How do I get the blogging business off the ground…. Kids get here or rather I go pick them up in just under two hours.  Go to store, get Diet Coke.  Not sure why but one sounds amazing right now, then later with dinner.

Wake tomorrow morning and head to gym and NO FUCKING EXCUSES.  Try 90 minuets… 60 running, 30 weights.  Okay, next shot of espresso, coming up.  Sunday night dinner with parents, where to…..  Can decide that later.  Self-care and love in every motion and step.  The next shot of espresso….  Tomorrow morning at gym.  Be sure to charge phone, I remind myself.

What did I have for lunch?  What were they called?  Well, both were kind of like tacos, but one with shrimp and the other with, what, beef?  Anyway, was relatively light.  Distracted by the strength of the single shot I just had.  I was right, far more potent one by one.  Maybe I don’t need another….

The ‘Blogger Attic’ idea will be given more impetus and initiative but before courting any clients I need to have self as client, I recognize.  Do something with Mike Madigan as a brand, then you can tell others how you can help, I tell myself.  Not sure if this counsel is sound or the best but it’s the current idea and with my today hyper realization of noting EVERYTHING I see it as appropriate.

Categories
Health/Wellness

7:30am self-care and self-talk and self-love and self-EVERYTHING.

Friend telling me about their path for more self-care, when they decided… it’s time.  It’s time for more ME in the story.  THEIR story.  Like being an AE for SELF.  Hmmm…..

Calls today, setting up next week, and next year.  Latte from Oliver’s this morning, first in a while.  Thought about going to gym but I think I need to pause, as I haven’t been going and need to set a routine that’s realistic and ready to actuate.  Will think about today, among other facets and composition to be written.

Want to shower.  Then do it, I say to self.  Just sounds amazing, the hot water.  Thinking chamber of sorts…. Business, tech, wine, fitness….  Relationships, writing, blogs and blogging, EVERYTHING.

Gorgeous outside.  Chilled air and the fog just at the top of trees but where the tips are visible, reaching above the fog as if to salute passing cars.  Hear a hammering in the distance.  That house across the canyon, the retainer wall chaps starting early on their project… building.

Then I think of a new project, a new book or blog or stream of the two…. Noting literally every thought, EVERYTHING that’s in my thinking, conception, sight.  Having the project start today… here in this doc or maybe on a new blog, or not.  NOT.  Start….

……..

Looking out window here in dining room at fog on other side of canyon, light and translucent, above houses and trees.  The house I saw yesterday in Windsor, near park perfect for kids… but the firs house I’ve look at, can’t be too in love or smitten, can I?  Agent emailed me some other choices as well.  Haven’t looked at it yet.

Catch myself just staring again, in the same place.  Same houses, same fog patch or stretch, same visual, compositor.  Think again about business, Sonic, being an Account Executive, prospecting new business, writing about it… the shower, wine, one conversation and character, this Newness. Not too much, but yes an abundance and near overload of promise.  Telling friend last night about BDX and what I see it becoming….  The secret’s out, I thought to myself.  Why’d I do that?  Doesn’t matter.  And if I had to, start another project.

Quota met for 2021, now I start on 2022.  Business plan… more than that: inventory all conversations.  Will be laborious, but it can be done.  It has to be done, no other option or choice if I’m to be where I need.  The utmost and most intense intention of self-care and love and talk.

Out of ideas to note, for now.  But noting this new practice of noting. Everything… the latte, the AE notebook (AE Notebook 1)…. Searched for domain names around ‘about everything’…. Let me try again…. Found one.  A bit of a compromise and offshoot, but consistent with my vocals and branding.  Will think about it.

7:55, can’t believe it’s that early.  Okay, getting up in a second, I swear.  Shower, dress, maybe watch a little of the news then out the door.  Can’t wait for the kids to be here.  May get them a little surprise, I’ll see if I have time toward EOD.

Stopping again to look out window, then look at iWatch, charged.  Put cap on pen and put it and its parenting journals in bag.  Putting self in 2022 while here in a ’21 chair sipping a ’21 latte as a ’21 Mike Madigan.

Categories
just writing

The way Jack talked about writing yesterday….

May have re-written my entire writing story.  Wine – three dominant chords:  love, music, humans.  Now I see something else. The music of wine and how humans perpetuate this music.  Sometimes it takes an odd like I told them last night about the guy who came into the Caddis room last Sunday and cited the Chardonnay for having an odd finish because of the American oak on it (40%).

“Uh, no.” I thought, but didn’t say anything.  Did let his snide smuggery ruin my beat.  He actually turned out to be an okay guy, talking with me about David Sedaris after I brought him up, then writing and essays, back to wine but in a more even and humanize rise.

Love – of everything.  Sharing with my friend last night, ‘love with aggression’.  Not forceful but with conviction.

Today – freedom, business, movement.

Yes, it’s clear Jack changed something in my writing identity, me as a human.  Follow his instruction… speak more to the reader.  What are you doing today?  What are your dominant ideas and recent revelations…

Are you writing a new story or Road in your overseeing manuscript?

WHO ARE YOU?

Categories
Health/Wellness

Decline Sign

Coffee, a sky so intensely blue I don’t want to look at this screen.  So I try typing while staring at it but such doesn’t go well.  Writing from past scenes…. Yesterday picking up Jack and my little Beat so excited about his first real essay, his first assigned Composition.  Topic, what is your favorite restaurant.  Of course he loves BJ’s in Coddingtown os the direction was quickly set.  He’s focusing on three dominant ideas – menu or food, service, and ambiance (he loves that word).  He read a draft to me last night in his room while I was keeping his little brother occupied, or as occupied as I could.  He said, “Tomorrow morning I’m going to wake up and write like you, Daddy.” I congratulated him again on his essay and writing ways and urges.  Told him to keep it up, and let me know if I can help in anyway.  I offered one suggestion pertaining to the adjectives he used for the music played in the restaurant.  Not sure he agreed with me, but…..

Coffee from Oliver’s.  May go see my first house today.  I’m already smithed by the pictures posted on some real estate site.  Calm down, I tell myself.  Thinking more about yesterday to distract me – site visits in Berkeley, then Bel Marin Keys, then the drive home when I was attacked by email after email.

Tired suddenly, which is weird ‘cause I slept fine last night.  What after this entry… should go to the gym but again one side of me says no, makes excuses.  Organizing day in head, when would I be able to go if I decide to later?  Depends on when I go see this house, really.  A day off from Sonic, but my day is fully booked – shopping for a gift, birthday of friend, then dinner with this friend at 7.  That gives me under 11 hours. Have to find a way to fit in a workout, a RUN, somewhere in there.  Not fixating on it now… enjoy prose and coffee.

Thoughts of travel.  Start saving, I was told yesterday at my leads meeting by someone trying to impart “advice”, or a thought, or something.  She’s right though… save.  Budget for day, another item.  Thinking of yesterday again and all the scenes of value and gravity… my daughter running up to me in the street after not seeing me for basically a week.  Need them more, in more days, my little Beats.  Henry I barely recognize, he’s getting so big and voicing all these new congealed pseudo-words.

Don’t think about yesterday or today or what you have to do.  Deny entry to those thoughts.  Just be as into the Now as you can, at this dining room table now my desk and the coffee and how some people only want to introduce nihilism and nay-say to everyone’s day.  Some are just wired differently, I’ve been told since a petit bloke.  Sign reads, “NO ENTRY, devil.” Smiling… empowered, NEW… wine story evolving with ideas for blog and a shop.  Sip coffee again, meeting of one.  Right here.  In this quiet room.

Need to be organized in my essay writing like Jack.  Wow, yes… my 9 year-old taught me about Composition.  His father who claims to be a writer or blogger or whatever this week.  Organizing ideas like Jack…. Family, business, wine, blog.  IS it that simple?  Well, you can make it that simple.

Make it that simple.

Categories
autre

Haven’t been back from the Field for 30 minutes, and

already into emails and messages, submitting the final draft of that contract.

Sparkling water, have to go get kids in a bit, take them to their house and enjoy less than 3 hours with them.  Day off tomorrow, which I still say is as odd as it is generous of Sonic.  

Am going to be writing more from memory, onward.  The fact that I remembered is a victory, using memory to write that I need to write from memory, proving I have memory and can use it in a new way.  The meta and metaphysical value of which is encouraging I realized standing on the front patio or veranda of the Berkeley International House watching students pass and thinking of me lecturing there one day on nonfiction and blogging, journaling the endless benefit to written self-talk.

Another big deal, potentially.  Even though I have tomorrow off, I told Ditter, I’m going to work in morning after my run.  YES, I’m not working out again tonight and challenging the fucking morning hours, and myself.  ONE HOUR RUN, treadmill.  Maybe some weights after, maybe.

Director sends out an email congratulating me and Ditter.  Feels good.  Then think, what if I could have this be a more regular occurrence.  Like people in the company just expect it from me….  Why not?  Definitely working tomorrow, starting “PLAN22”.  My design for the coming year, business.  And other facets of the Mike Madigan story, legend, manuscript Road.

Just what I need right now.  QUIET.  No voices in house, no music, just button pushes.  More congratulations come in, I just read, not thanking them all yet.  Looking out window, then clock and how much time I have before needing to leave.  4:01, about 35-ish minutes.

Categories
wine

Noticing the nerves and how they more frequently surface.  Fuck them.  They’re lying to me, I know.  In side office at Sonic, counting down to 1pm call.  Will delay gym visit, and in fact probably work out at house.  Bike then weights.  Settled.

Stress or nerves or angst, tension, whatever one’s to call it, I’m just not listening.  Not giving so many fucks anymore.  There, I said it.  Dinner plan popping up on calendar for tonight, and like that another clock ticks.  Ten hours into fast, big truck drives by, me listening to uptempo electronic chill tracks and not into it. Need Mr. Coltrane… need to email students again.  DONE.

Missing the kids, all three of my little Beats.  10:06, could have sworn ferociously that it was later.  Here I am though, battling nerves still, this uneasiness which now I translate as a forwarding current, light, music.  Perform within it, from it… speak freely and write even freer.

Mr. Coltrane, oh those certain notes.  Friend texts me from her first day at a new winery in Napa… vineyards, long table set for larger group.  I miss it, I won’t lie.  And I don’t have to… it’s obvious.  The new conversations and questions, the people, sipping with them… the pictures.

Posted to #vinovinevin, more energy into that story.  Looking at the pictures again….  Wine, her definition and speak, occasions framed around her.  When I think of anything wine-related or sent any nerves are muted, put to sleep.  Catwalks and tanks, barrels and glasses, barrel making, dinner last night with Taryn and everything that went down, the industry having literally NO clue about some attributes of everything associated with wine.  Frustrating.

T and I having the Hawley Viognier, not finishing the bottle and me sending the rest home with her.  What do I do from there, from that conversation, from realizations about wine and her industry… finish the goddamn book, I know, but then what.  What now.  What tonight and tomorrow morning….

Categories
Health/Wellness

Still waiting, not my most enjoyed activity.

The additional single shot nearly dead already.

Breathe, like the director said in his email this morning.

Still hear the rain, against a window or skylight.  Maybe I should just work here this morning then go to gym and come back.  Hopefully by then the contract thing will be resolved.

No plans for tonight, and I’m elated.  Dinner here at house, wine and conversation and more brainstorming on building BDX into whatever it’s meant to be built into.

Packed and ready for departure… that word makes me think of travel, the morning at the airport, SEA, then FINALLY Sunriver.

Categories
Health/Wellness

I love Tuesdays now, not sure why.

Emailing Director back and forth a bit and waiting to hear from IT buddy.  Waiting.. I hate it.  So make something happen, I remind myself.  My SE one day said he just makes things happen all day…. Loved it, and never forgot.

Today thinking strength, more free form, movement, stories, family…. Business.  Leaving for gym at 11:30.  FASTING, till after workout.  Light lunch …. Making more of a project from health and wellness, fitness and nutrition efforts.  Still learning, but notes as I go.  One more shot, espresso.

Leaving for office in a sec, I think.  OR, Farmers Starbucks.  Get out of the house, be seen, and see others.  The characters around you and what they do.

I’m reciting to self with more fire and intention today, in everything I enact and actuate.  The About EVERYTHING story is lifted, elevated… taking everything into my own hands.  Not about control but composition….. some people, just not heard anymore.  At least when they speak in a certain octave.

Rain stopped.  But I haven’t.  Keep thinking about Sonic and how I got there, the walk in the SB lot in ’18, and how some people tried to discourage me from moving stories from wine to tech.  Huh…..