Tag: #thepozloft

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#blogeverythingnow

10-10-24

15:56

Home, working at the office then the Field, canvassing but now around Bell Road here in Windsor, and now at the desk.  Thinking of time and the realizations I’ve had, about what I want, what I want to do— NO, need to do, HAVE TO —And moving forward.  Writing in journal.  Walking around the Windsor and thinking to Self, replaying memories with the kids and the Nurse, then recently in Vegas, now quickly that just happened and this writer nearly forgetting ab out it.

HOW???

What the fuck, why does Time’s evil spell sometimes succeed?  The Nurse and I this morning and last night talking like we never have.  The Story is distinct, musical, prominent, pronounced.  I’m not compromising or negotiating my happiness.

Sipping espresso as I messaged the Nurse a bit ago, and I am ALIVE.  Felt sleepy, like sleep was something to be entertained but no more.  Keeping myself in writing mode, a new Hem.

Getting kids soon, the day long but the espresso lets me know that my sprint is infinite.  No other option.  Paris on the mind, the rain, the tables, walk on Seine, trying to take SELF back.  See me and the Nurse there, walking wherever.  No designation, just wandering  – select fascination.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity sales-y

Over a 14.5 hour day, driving from here to 425 Cal to get tent then to the Sn Jose Golf Country Club for event.  We were at the 2nd hole, Monique and I.. great day, a, little windy, day calm and smooth and productive, but not without the cost of the. Morning golf cart incident and my direct report… I’ll save it for the book, but just note – folded tent in zippered sleeve or holder, pouch, thrown onto gas pedal, cart takes off, he tries to stop it cart runs into truck and he into back of cart.  To the ER… poor bloke, I thought and am still thinking.  Such a great guy, so positive, just landed from SEA, and this…

20:52 in loft, nook, made self dinner, a Mikey grilled cheese the way my mom makes them, or how I remember her making them.  Relaxing to smooth jazz, some of the SB from the other night.  No TV.. no shows.

TV shows, Netflix or Max or anywhere have humans on them and they have voices.  I’ve enough still ringing in my memory and immediate synapses from the DC trip never mind today.  No complaint notes in. This post, just how I feel.  I need music.  Soft, barely connecting.. like a loving background whisper, just for a writer.

Grateful for this company ….. Nearly forgot about that.  SE Stan let me know over Teams while Monique and I were cleaning up, she taking the cart up to the parking lot, stuffing leftover sparkling, beer, White Claw and whatever the fuck else in the Rav.

“It’s happening now,” Stan said, and I could only feel the way I did at Sonic when my contracts starting to step into the story.  The story builds, and I’m doing what I promised myself driving down to SF earlier than usual  this morning.. no relaxing—well, you can relax but to writing, wine, music.  No couch, no documentaries, as amazing as they are.. no shows, no idle.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! photog Productivity wine

13:57 back from groceries and lunch, Oliver’s.  Sushi and Pliny.  Not sure why that’s such a go-to, and I’ve been consistent with it, never veering when there for lunch.

Going through pictures from the Dry Creek shoot earlier.  Yoakim Bridge Road, fruit just starting to set.  Haven’t been there, on that Road, in over a week. Knowing photography calls me, paired with writing, other media… building something.  Sonoma County-based and built.

Not sure what direction to take photography if I’m to have it as an ancillary or partially primary stream.  Looking at these vineyard rows and the vineyard just planted or about to be planted, the suggestion in metaphoric chord roars and my core.  And not just for work or money purposes, or even creative ones.  For happiness… what brings you a smile, all days.  Doing something you love, as your “job”, giving you moments where you question yourself, “I get paid to do this?”

Dad used to tell me there were times like that in the cockpit, flying over some sight, or some cloud formation, and he’d have to turn to the CP and ask.

No idea where I’m going, but I’m going.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity sales-y wine

…….!!!!

19:59 poz loft office managing money, moving funds from one place to a business here, small idea there.  Camera, travel, Yellowstone.  Kids… Jack and his PC that he wants.

Relaxed, all work done.  Toying with ideas looking through pictures from walk down Kearny and California…. Not thinking about relationships or dating.  This time to myself and the freedom is far too addictive.  Eric Hilton paired with Mozzocco Zin opened when home from the impromptu dinner last night.  ZEN, in a multitude of fashions and fastens.

Ran into an old Sonic friend at Sweet T’s earlier, taking myself to an afterwork/commute beer.  Too loud, thought about staying for two but no… home to make my “Daddy Quesadilla” as I say to Jackie.  A little local news, now on the first floor.

Haven’t forgotten about the early run and gym visit.  Bed I theorize tonight, 22:00, latest.  And if not, then I run at lunch.  Tempted to actually after taking the Embarcadero route again today when my phone tried to direct me to the Broadway tunnel, Van Ness.

Zin… terrifically tapping into my equanimity.  Even the valet guy said today I look “cool, relaxed..” I laughed.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity

Emma and Henry still asleep.  All of us tired from our day yesterday, especially Jack I would think

but he was up at 5-something, just before six.  I don’t get it.

Quiet espresso to self this Mother’s Day in the nook.  No lights.  Just me, quiet, and again noticing myself going over texts and occurrences, conversations and … just letting it go.  Moving on and into today.  Mother’s Day.

Mama Sue in Oregon with Dad, leaving me with over 8 hours to produce something.  1, clean this house and hit the laundry like the Ukrainians do the Russian legions charging their cities and villages.  Not sure I have energy for a run or that Marin hike.  Actually, definitely not.

Friend of mine actually wished me a Happy Mother’s Day, on Mexican Mother’s Day, in the spirit of me being a single dad as when I have the kids I play both roles, she said.  Nice of her, of course, but I told her I don’t deserve the kind of praise.  Still though, I read the text a couple times now and then.

Loft different this morning, and I think because I’m writing sans bulbs.  Should do this more, definitely.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. wine

Mom and Dad’s, writing in the Nook Office as I used to before the 228 days.

More than merely motivated.  Fiery, eager, assured of my presence.  Knowing this Road is the correct one.  Hate that word, correct.  I’m present, closer to my little vineyard and tasting room, or studio, or lounge… you know what, forget all those words. It’s a room.  No need for caps or attention.  A place for positive people to taste wine, talk, not about the glass’ contents but each other and what brought them there.

Mom’s dish tonight’s a certain celestial pull.  So grateful.  Not missing the loft, just sipping this Nook.  Reminding me of when….

Doesn’t matter.  Waiting for the day where I’m checking on barrels with my sister.  Arriving, checking on clusters early before those fucking yellow jackets arrive.

Time, proposing the offer, lot of new notes, the truest of dotes.  Taking care of me no but more so collaboration.  Will have to be up early, heat back to Windsor then dash to SF for a call with a property manager. 

A vineyard, my image.  Onto hat I lock.  

All my old shot revisited.

Walking on my lunch break on the Dutcher Crossing property.

Washing hands, seeing this new Mike Madigan having coffee looking at a Cabernet block.

Soon.

Categories
HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

3:05

Jack’s practice cancelled, I’m informed after texting the coach.  No baseball the rest of the week, because of heat.

In office and as usual not much movement in AE story.  Planning on staying up a bit later tonight and 1, finishing the #blogeverythingnow site and, 2, posting some notes to BDX.  Something about notes and note taking, recurring as a theme in my story lately.  People talking about taking notes, or notes they’ve made to themselves…. The story talking to me, and I’m listening.  What would I find if I listened closer?

Stopping… in office, AC on dishwasher… sparkling water.  Peace, quiet, calm before I’m locked in this house this weekend with the kids, from the heat.  Definitely planning a trip to the beach.

Message my friend Mariah to see if the company’s sending us a DoorDash credit for tomorrow’s Quarterly meeting.  Could be fun… Order in something good, maybe Boudin’s.

Writing.. notes to self, about attitude and not letting certain people, the address obvious, under or anything near my skin and thoughts.  Not as easy as it’s written, so a work.  A project.. mental health and sturdiness, Karate Kid-like balance.

Happiness…. Temperament.  Maintaining MY psychology.

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HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

Found something.  Writing in journal….

10;51, hungry.  Something like 13 hours into fast I believe. Hard to be sure, didn’t set timer last night.  Shit….

Quick break from desk, walk upstairs to #thepozloft, make self a little snack.  Meeting pushed to 3:30, or is it 3?  3, just checked.  Dinner with Jackie tonight, can’t wait.  He requested Applebee’s, even after I offered him more upscale options here on the Green and in Santa Rosa.  He was insistent, singular in his desire expression.

Not letting any negative thoughts near me or cultivate in my own cognition.  No more.  Seriously, I’m done.  With this, bobbing my head to this beat… this new attitude is musical and poetic, intended and unintended spoken word.

Music off, taking a few minutes to be in quiet.  Collect with no interference or noise—  Then my fucking text alert sounds.  Of course.

Ignoring the text, or putting off responding.  Still in quiet.  Take a shower I say to myself.  Finish Diet Coke first… circles, back and forth.  Then I stop, fortify self in gratitude, love.  Time fades, and my time won’t be spent on ‘them’.

Excess measuring not getting me anywhere.  Getting up.  Shower.

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HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

Looking at the journals…

This is all I need.  Truly.  Everything else is clutter, unnecessary.

Looking for ways to speak and spread more kindness.  To anyone, not just people I love or have in my life.  This coming from my gratitude, that I feel of late and on so many levels and not just with the poz loft.  It’s consuming lately, and in the best of ways. 

Breathing, acknowledging this desk, the keys.

Idyllic, mythic.