Categories
autre

notes

10:04, that old guy wasn’t joking.  It’s freezing in here.  Now starting to disrupt my concentration and connection to the paragraphs.  Maybe go to tasting room early.  Kind of surprised how little wine I had yesterday… maybe I’m growing up.  (I’m laughing after that last bit, I refuse to fit what people frame as a “grownup”.)

More people in here now.  Me sipping this latte slow.  As I get older, I am definitely changing in terms of what I eat and drink, that’s obvious to me.  Then removing Mike Madigan from himself, there’s more… kids, their education, future, money I need to set aside for them….

HENRY IS ONE, TODAY.

Yes, I am fucking old.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Yclept

In Sonoma early, writing and budgeting projects.  Great tasting yesterday Lambert.  Only bought 4 bottles, an SB and Malbec for me and same for Mom and Dad.  After going to Healdsburg and lunching at Bravas.  Never eaten there but had a drink years ago, beer I believe on their famous back patio area.

This week, new plan.  All conversations, in the Field and online.  Writing the AE story more and all the sales humor that lately has commanded and mended thoughts.  Getting here I was in a rush to open laptop, feeling anxious or… I don’t know.  Told self to calm the fuck down and log yesterday’s spends and attach a little justification note to each, making a project from spending, budgeting, money.  Writing a book on money, me… huh.  We’ll see.  Dad could, but I don’t know about this Beatnik.

9:38 and don’t have to leave this coffee stop, Peet’s, for at least 45 minutes.  I prefer getting to the TR early and setting up what little there is to do and getting in a few paragraphs…. This book, forming, especially after yesterday and last night with a new friend, C, having a single glass of Rosé at Beer Baron then walking around downtown, listening to a little music at Belly or whatever that bar is.  Were’n there long, walked around some more..  Another new conversation, another new interaction and intersection.

Older man to left was talking to an older chap, the latter leaving about 15 minutes ago.  I’m going to be that age one day, I know.  Work quicker, I tell myself.  Write more freely, no deliberation.  Time keeps instructing and offering lesson but I’m not sure I’m a good student.  Certain shapes and paths, back-and-forth’s are finally done, then new pages pile.  This week I need to write everything, and no lunch runs.  Stay at the desk or table be it at the office or at a Starbucks or Acre coffee, or at the Mountain Hawk house.

Just heard the old guy say, “You could freeze your tail off in here…”, to a new guy that just joined him.  Older than this writer but younger than him.  Thought about asking the barista if she could turn down the AC, but I don’t want to be that character.  Write through it, I tell myself.

Poetry on mind, poetry and poetic presence and practice.  Thought about sending someone a text but returning to page, looking around this room and floor between sentences and paragraphs.  Last night and the live music, remembering my thoughts on music and if I go back to making music or writing about it.  Brought new Comp Book… the one titled “Glad Freedom”.  Verses today… at least one but would love to hit 3.. in fact, after this entry.

Caffein sensitivity different, definitely than what it was.  Look up from another forcefully pull from cup, where did all the people go?  That one girl and her friend, the couple whom I’d guess were visiting from Maine or something.  How far away is my condo from this place?  One listing I saw was just down the street I think, across the street from Train Town.  My urgency and inner-push to get there is nearly compromising… tie that in with the AE story, and the #professormikey story, Bottledaux of course which is king over all I’m doing, EVERYTHING.  Writing about Mike Madigan removedly here in Sonoma this morning..t he type of writer he is, business bloke, father, runner, human, whatever else.  MUSICIAN….

Categories
Health/Wellness

9:16, parents awake and me with one more shot.

Gorgeous outside, something like high 50s or low 60s, people out walking, no hint of a cloud or haze or any of that goddamn smoke.  Just a seductive and beguiling blue.  Went to ATM, budget set for today but of course the goal is to finish well under.  Two bottles at Lambert Bridge, well two for me and two for parents both of whom are up now like I just said but forgot (ha ha…) and reading the paper in their usual spots – Dad the leather chair and Sue/Mom the couch.  Me at my desk space in living room, or dining room, not sure what you call it.  Is there a difference between dining and living rooms?  Isn’t dinning part of living?  Overthought I know but I’m having fun with it.

Thought of looking at condos and I will in a second, just letting self enjoy the morning and this new story, this new Mike Madigan – liberated and newly initiated.  The espresso working quick and now syncing with the double I had earlier. Distract self… condos… townhouses.  What’s the difference again…?

Sales and Marketing…. Marketing and Sales, and narrative… Bottledaux as of today a Sales and Marketing and Narrative orbit.  Have to develop, but that’s where I see this going.  What’s the secret sauce as it were… don’t know that either.  Maybe tasting in Dry Creek today will instruct me as the CEO or President or ‘Chief Blogging Whatever’ – really like that title actually – what to do.

Categories
just writing

The first sip of the espresso made here on my deific machine tastes better than any other first sip.

Not sure why..  Maybe that it’s TODAY, an entire day to self and the first half spent with Nick, a new friend and referral partner from the Sonoma County Execs group I’m hoping to join.  Going to Dry Creek, only one spot scheduled.  Possible lunch after.  Bit more budgeting to do for Mike Madigan, the business, personal parcels, and other.

Bottledaux and this Blogger Attic (#bloggerratik) idea… where everything by everyone about EVERYTHING is blogger, learning from others’ lives and experiences…..  again not really sure what Bottledaux is other than a blog and publishing place not so much platform ….  Thoughts buzzing around me or soaring in circles like those Turkey Vulture swarms I’d see around the eucalyptus trees on San Carlos Avenue growing up, in San Carlos of course.

Not letting self go past 199 words.  “199 and STOP”, on the office wall.  Why 199…. don’t know.  Like the number for some reason.  Looks interesting and is a good border, aim.  Word counts have always been funny to me, like with essays I assign or writing submissions.  Silly, honestly.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Coffee at the Stony Point Starbucks and

more high school kids in line and everywhere filling the building than I ever want to again see.  Nothing foul in terms of thought or opinion toward them, they just remind me that all my kids will be THAT one day.  With attitude, in some clique, excluded from others, having to go through all that teenage SHIT.

In office now, 20 minutes from Friday calls.  Intermittent Thunder throughout night disrupting sleep so this caffeine is needed more than most days.  Was thinking though this morning somewhere around 5 that using something as a platform or bridge to get to where you want to be may not be the approach to take.  Rather, just swim the rough waters… get beat up, empowered, learn from the swells and unannounced currents.

Moving money around, getting messages now but not letting my eyes go there.  Their residence is here on page this morning.  Talking with students last night about Irby and how much they admire her rawness and lack of concern for reaction….  Not sure what to say, do I need to change the way I write?  And if not change then shift it a bit, toward sales and the humor in prospect and meeting quota, HAVING to meet quota, even how I stress about sales as I have been the last couple months?

Sales is a joke, slew of jokes and humorous scenes and interactions and circumstances.  Seeing more such will improve what I do and how I do it, I’m certain.  Sales comedy.. hmmm…. The calls I am required to make in just, wow, now 12 minutes.  Have targets selected, and am just going to do it.  Not really cold-calling so I guess technically I’m cheating.  It’s supposed to be a “Cold-Calling Blitz”.  Well, I won’t tell if you don’t tell.

Lunch at noon with a referral partner, then he and I go wine tasting tomorrow in Dry Creek.  Humor in that would be, well, me wine tasting.  I don’t take it as seriously as I used to, if I ever did.  More jokes, comedy, humor… I have to see it, and if I don’t SEE it, then I find it.

Not many people in the office today.  Good.  Not really wanting to talk to too many people but I ran into a guy from Logistics or Maintenance, not sure the department’s name, but we say hi back and forth a couple times each a different way, then I said Happy Friday, and he paused and said with a loud but not yelling just firm and cheerful baritone projects, “HAPPY FRIDAY.” I laughed a little walking toward the door to get into this larger room, thinking “Yeah, so what, I love Fridays now.  Fuck it.”

Playing some Coltrane.  Through laptop, no headphones.  No one’ here, so……. 4 minutes till first call.  My hopes for this month are stratospheric, of an unusual altitude. Not saying expectations, but hopes.  That means I could have a long way to fall, if you choose to see it so, but I’m calling all comedic ways and perspectives off the bench, out of the bullpen.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Just realized I’m in this room with no music.

Went for walk to get more coffee and use restroom.  In the WC there was jazz playing, low volume, sounding like one of Coltrane’s jam sessions or takes of a song.  So I came back and invited Mr. Coltrane to join me.

No egregious mood today, nor yesterday.  Having it remain that way… mission to get condo sooner rather than later.  My writing studio.. MINE.  Receive an email treating my humor but I ignore it.

Building Bottledaux… one conversation after another.  Second cup of coffee, no latte this morning, thankfully.  Why do I still get those things?  $6.05 a piece, if I get 4 shots which I more often than not do.  So no money spent today, yet.  Will try and make lunch at home too.  So with $6.05, and let’s say $20… $26 for Bx.

Once I have my office, then what.  I keep having dreams about it, and daydreaming when here in office or on a call, in the leads meeting this morning it totally swam through my sight.

Errands to run today.  I hate errands normally, but these are encouraging stops that need be made.  Feeling tired …

Categories
Health/Wellness

…is that reminds me of the sides of buildings in a mill district like in Bend, Oregon.

12:13… Have about 3 hours to work.  Writing, the book, SEEING more of Mike Madigan, this latest draft that took over 15 years to finish.  And I’m still not done.  Sip water down about a quarter of glass length, push lemon cut further into the band of iced shapes.  LoFi beats in ears – Water and words.  The afternoon young, and then what does the writer do after this, besides some project I need to finish with Dad.

Thought about getting brunch or something to eat here, but not hungry just yet.  More just wanting to see where my thoughts are, where I’m going with this blog and business and publishing vision, dream, whatever it is.  Every though logged….  The condo in Sonoma, drive to Santa Barbara either by self or with a friend.  Thinking by myself is more a healthy beat for the writing, MY life’s work.

Emailed students… see how long it takes to be texted a question that has a blaringly obvious answer.  Shouldn’t say that, but I feel like that’s the case, most of the time.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Sparkling water at this back table for 4.

Told the nice lady at the register, same who’s always here with all the tattoos, that if she needs. 4-top to boot me out of here.  Need to work quick in case she takes me up on my invite.  Big crowd here today, everyone with their day off and eating brunch with their families…. Lemon in glass, giving more a vacation insinuation and placing me in my travels early.

Thinking about writing, driving down here from Healdsburg where I finally got a haircut.  My insistence on the magic of the meta…. Have to email students, don’t forget— Anyway, topics all around you as a writer, as a business person, blogger, or anything.  Kids, missing them, but remembering everything they said I feel, how Emma would follow my father around the house and anywhere, how Jackie would always ask his grandmother if he could do something, and concerned the other night when she didn’t feel well.  Mom told me long ago that I have plenty to write, and she’s more than simply correct and accurate in that statement…. This table, the corner, walls with that ripples sheet metal or whatever it… 

Categories
wine

Wine Control

Kids gone, now I can write.  I mean, I wrote while they were here, but now… no interruptions or breaks in the laps around the page.  About to go get tonight’s wine, and maybe another.  The dream of the wine shop wine business wine something invades me thinking, all valleys and hillsides of it.

What am I thinking… Cabernet, or Merlot… A Zin?  No… blend?  Maybe.  Pinot… meh.

The urge to write and finish the book have met feeling heavy, nearly anesthetized, or high, drunk, something.  I’m seeing what I want, what I need in this book and with wine, as a writer, this new Mike Madigan.  The one during and post-shift.  Traveling.. life and growth, producing something, a story and more than that, a lesson to self… stacking notebooks in my apartment, walking to the coffee stop getting a latte coming back and reviewing notes from a tasting I went to the prior night.

Didn’t writ eon that judging I did a couple months ago at the Ledson Hotel for the Sonoma County Film festival.  Wine, wine, stay in wine I tell myself. Everything in her Road and momentum, music and speak.

Dad in office at his computer, reminding me that I need to invade this time after kids’ departure.  That I need to BUILD.  Move quicker…

Thinking of a couple wines for the night.  No decision, just… going back and forth.  No fault or folly.  I sneeze and Mom says “Bless you my child.” I say thank you and laugh a little.  Humor in wine, of course.  It doesn’t have to always, or really fucking ever, be serious.  Have fun with it, with her, or whatever.  Make music with her.  Yes… on the way to the store, The Doors… breaking through to that other side, FINALLY.  Love Street…

Two wines, but having something Mom and Dad selected.  Colombia Valley SB and a Siminici Red Blend, 2013.  Just tasted it, and it’s something I’ll have to write about.  I can feel the wine-writing avalanche about to land at this desk, in this living room.  Everything extends from wine, I thought at Oliver’s… walking the isles there be it cereal or the lotions and soaps, sparkling waters, made me think of walking rows in vineyard block, blocks.

Categories
just writing

notes

9:30pm

And going to be up late.  Will telly you later, in the book not here, why.  About to take a double shot of espresso to the face.  Watching Giant’s vs. Dodgers with Jack, Emma in the other room talking to her grandfather while he shows her pictures of the Oregon house and little fixer projects he’s doing.

Running in the morning.  OR, wait… maybe not.  I’l see.

Shot of espresso made, just had first sip.  Giants and Dodgers going into extra innings.  Kids in bed.  TV distracting me.  The shift in a new stage, again elaborated in book.  3-day weekend.  No real plans other than this time with kids here at Mom and Dad’s.

Feeling the exhaustion from day.  Need another sip of the espresso shot.  Done.. need to make it last as long as I can.  Small sips, and keep it on that filling bay, on the machine.

No wine tonight, and my feeling is eased, yes tired but with a heightened contraction and sharpness to my observations and survey of objects and ideas, topics.

The book will entail elaboration.  Everything, from what the shift really is to this new character and form of Mike Madigan. Seeing everything, hence the title, o/ver – Oh, to see….

…..

11:24, Giants win in I think the 11th.  Nearing time for bed, but I’m using the quiet… noting ideas under this paragraph that I won’t post to blog – this new story, other characters and voices.

Kids asleep.  Me at the counter, needing some water.  No music, just quiet.  Need characters, dialogue… story new, script.  Mona, my character… barely drew her.  Maybe there’s a reason.. I need to draw Mike Madigan, this new draft, and Bottledaux as a REAL business and company, tech startup or whatever before thinking of another beat on page.