Tag: #beinlovewithyourlife

Categories
just writing

And like that, xmas is past, passed. Done, gone.

Typing in Room, kids on their new tablets playing some interactive game and talking to each. Other trying to figure out where the other is.

8:29am, coffee in room, can hear their happy speak even with their door closed.  Me still waking up, now positioning EVERYTHING for a new house, business, travel, this new year.  Katie gifting me a year’s subscription to the Peloton app, me vowing some speed work later.

New fitness routine starts TODAY.  No joke.  Going to log and make everything, even this first cup of coffee.  Sip again, place it on nightstand to my right.  Hear babies still.  Not babies anymore with Emmie turning 6 on the 15th and little Kerouac 10 this coming Feb.  How.  And why.  Why does time have to do what it does?

One aim for this new year – my attitude and mood, general mode.  More of the positive pulses with which people associate me, even if it’s a bad day or something or someone’s attempting lower me or I’m allowing them to.

Magic of the Meta… more of that as well, much more.  Just where I am, what I’m doing.  Everything a story, an essay, a statement on EVERYTHING.

Categories
wine

Gift buying finally done.

Another year at the buzzer, maybe even a bit after.  Three stops— No, four counting Oliver’s where I bought a Pinot for tonight’s tasting.  Not saying it here, but I predict mine will be the favorite.  We’ll see.  It’s my favorite, already.  I’m writing it that way.

Starting to fade after the tuna sandwich.  Double-espresso, STAT.  Not sipped yet.  Looking forward to seeing Katie, her dog Stout.  Christmas, already here.  Already gone.  Have to shower this anxiety away, time moving so quick it makes me forget what holiday it is, who I saw this morning – MY KIDS!

Age.  Talking to me in this Nook.  Pinot tonight, the anchor and star varietal.  Hate that word, varietal.  Sounds so clinical.  The wine, character and story, music of evening. Too tired to write.  Go live, I tell myself.  Have a shower, put on new clothes… get in the “Christmas spirit”, something I don’t even believe in or really know what is.  But, I’m doing it. Wish I had one of those despicable sweaters.

Receipts from today’s shopping.  Not looking at you fuckers.  Looking at the espresso.  No I’m not posting another picture of the small little cup.  Rather, no picture.  More thoughts over what I’m sipping.  Huh, sipping espresso, and thinking Pinot.  Odd juxtaposition, or expected.

Categories
just writing

12/24/21

10:08am

Nook Office

Saw kids this morning, and my mood is much more cloud-bound than it was yesterday.  Have the POS backs and budget done.  Three more gifts and then I’m done.  Easy ones, the remainders.  Gift cards.  Pinot Noir tasting tonight with sister and parents.  No matter how much wine I enjoy, I’m doing something for whoso design and narrative.  The company starts today. Talking to friend this morning while she completed a cheese plate and me telling her about photography and how I want to do more with it and sync it with blogging and website building, she telling me to just throw myself into it or whatever she said.

Thinking… yes.  Do just that.  Whoso Design AND Narrative…. Love that name.  All coming back to writing, Emerson, what got me started as a writer.  Create, from a singular idea.  One more espresso, made it just after I got back.  Nearly done.

Can’t concentrate.  Sue prepping in kitchen, Dan talking…. Break.  Working later, believe me.

Readying to leave.  Shower first.  What Pinot for tonight?  The Flowers Lexi gave me?  Why doesn’t that sound good? What else would I enter into our tasting?  I have to pick something up.  Wait, did I buy a Pinot this past weekend with Chris? 

Categories
just writing

Xmas Eve’s Eve. Another home-brewed cup.

That’s five days of no corporate dragon Starbucks.  If I had the 4-shot each of those days, that’s …. What….  Over $30, easily.

Director sends out an email to us this morning urging a ‘push to the end’.  He’s right.  I know my quota is what it is, but what if I could get ONE or two more contracts.  More contacts before this year of more events and designing takes place.  Haven’t done anything with the web design project since my last mention.  Doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it, but then I think…..

New direction.  7:21, was up before 6 unable to sleep and having an odd dream, and in a mood about the house.  Not getting into it, but that’s what’s on the writing’s cells and synapses this morning.

Watching Secret Window again last night.  Memories.  Pushing those to the side as well.  Chill Beats, playlist on Spotify relaxing me.  No mood, just me in the chair.

Mike Madigan – the new one.  Character and story, “plot” if you want to call it that.  What does he want.  Things to be simple, no blemish.  Too much on this desk around me.  

Cold in Nook, can’t hear rain.  Maybe stopped.  Porcelain, by Moby.  Haven’t listened to the fun track in probably ten years.  Ten years ago, younger, and…. Never mind.

Email, ignoring it.  Focusing on ME.  This room, these keys, sound of the heater behind me, other thoughts.  When at SSU finishing papers right before Winter Break.  All of it.

Have to get out of this house today, at some point.  Do something get out there. Oh, I do have one more gift to get, forgot about that.  I swear, older I get I dislike xmas.  All the money I spend on others and not my business.  Next year, firmest of budgets.

Can’t write.  Too consumed with several sentiments.  Shouldn’t respond, not with this in my character.  More and more I’m tempted to write about and post ALL of it.  DON’T, I say to myself.  Focus on you, your Mental Health and character Composition.  Don’t let some people agitate and aggravate and incite you.

Pushing till the end, Mark’s right.  Entirely and definitively right.

Love this new play list.  Did something, and applauding this new MM, his drive and sight, conviction and eagerness to stand ground.  More time to self, Mike tells himself.  More understanding of character and what I really want to do in this new year.  Is it music, is it web design, is it photog, tech, internet, startup, EVERYTHING?  Don’t know yet, don’t know when I will.

8:03am and remembering I’m getting that POS back today, fucking $500 later, more than that actually.  I paid extra to have a “shield” put over the CC.  That shit better work.  In any event I’m probably going to park it in the garage while I’m still here in Skyhawk and who knows how long that’ll be.

Simplifying, yes with the Mike Madigan focus but also with simple entities, music and writing, reading.  Coffee, time for another cup.  Thought about cracking and getting a latte, but no I’m not letting Mike do that even as a xmas gift.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Coffee cup empty. Nothing more sad. Scared of

my reaction to this booster shot, even though in a text I just sent to a friend I said I don’t care how it affects me I’m running later. Yeah, well, we’ll see how that holds up.  I remember the second shot didn’t hit me until 2am the next morning, then later having a site inspection with Ditter in Berkeley and I drank coffee as a means of survival and not losing to the symptoms. When I got back I told Meliss I wasn’t feeling well and needed a nap.  She kindly watched all three mini-Madigans while I slept, and I think I was out for like 3 hours? When up, I still felt slow and gross and fogged in brain but had enough gumption to do a call with Jimmy D, another AE.

Quiet on the AE front.  Covid shot front getting closer… why am I freaking out?  Distract self, with more coffee.  Thoughts of Maui and running there, up those hills I have memories of, driving with Dad to appreciate specific views and cliffs, vantage points.

Looking at races next year. Much I’d love to do a full in Napa, think it’s going to be a half.

Categories
just writing

Taking a quick writing break. Second cup.

……..

Stopping for a second to think.  About everything.  EVERYTHING.  Going into the new year and in general.

Closed AE laptop, just for a second.  When was the last time I went to Starbucks?  I think the other day, Saturday right?  Changing for this new year, for real this time.

My hiemal mood, exasperated.  In a good, beneficial way.

Waiting to hear on this goddamn house.  Sorry, profanity permitted.

EOD run today.  It’s happening.

“I have often regretted my speech but never my silence.” Quote I just found.  Interesting.  Silence.  No communication, often the most convincing communication, maybe.

Going to St. Francis winery at 11 for a pickup…. Meeting at 1-something.  Fasting till noon.  Hungry now and would love something, waffles or those little pancakes for the kids, or… 

Message, but I don’t respond.  What do I do, what do I write, what project do I touch.  Messaged Engineer, no response.

Another message.  Will not allow self to so quickly and swiftly respond.  Where is my AGENT???  Did they like my offer or not?

Waiting waiting and ore fucking WAITING.  Could write a book or start a blog and business on that alone.  Oh my god, I HATE IT. Probably shouldn’t be advertising my weakness like that, especially with certain matters and their state.  But some people already know that about me, so whatever…

There, now I’m cussing and using ellipsis.  I’m a mess this morning.  Just told Ditter I hate everyone this morning and he says “except for meeee lol”. I laugh and am distracted from my growl concerning the house.

Waiting.  Why would anyone like it.  ANYONE.  Should probably respond to one of the messages that just came in.  

Only 4 words.  Yes I’m nitpicking.

Sipping coffee and somehow just barely latching to fast.

Going batty, losing it… wrote a quick poem.  Humans annoying me.  This is me, my truth and honesty.

Receipts.  God I hate them so much.  Is someone messaging me on the AE laptop?

Categories
autre

8:10am – Forcing self to be more insular today.

On a number of levels and lashes.

Waiting…..  Not going to think about it.  Drink coffee, wake up after shower.

No run yesterday and after talking to friend’s roommate who does bootcamp like every day and runs regularly I am re-shaping several acts and practices.

Broke spendless streak last night with pizzas for everyone.  Oh well, wanted to do something generous see how it was received.  Analyzing reaction, not why I did it of course, and maybe not even analyzing, just considering, replaying.

Committing to this design idea, the Web Design and Creative Marketing notes I’ve been singing of late.  And going to start with me. Idea, leaping on one associated.  

Write in Paris journal….

Waiting more.  Sipping coffee.  Another email sent.  Not giving up on this design idea.  If I could produce 3-5k additional every month…. My quota.  Jan 2022, Quota is $3,000.00.  In PAID invoices… or maybe not.  Need to think about it and deconstruct possibilities a bit more.

Going back and forth between laptops.  Email Engineer, then back over here.  Whoso Design taking form and shape in my head this morning.  If I get this new house, the whole house is a corporate office.

Categories
just writing

First post to blog for the day.

Over, WAY over, 199 words.  Ugh…. Need to obey that law.

199 and STOP.  Should make a hashtag out of that, or business, or something.  #199wordsandSTOP …

Done.

And STOP with the ellipses.  Elip-SIS?  Whatever.  Not doing it anymore.

Call in 4.  Should get on conference bridge.

On, and listening to some hold music.  Not a bad track, I guess.

Waiting.

More waiting.

Call went well.  Wrote ICB for pricing approval, now I wait.  Again.  Everything is a wait, literally everything.

Quick poem, second in as many days.  How long can I extend the practice.  A poem a day… music everyday.

11:35am – wait, WHAT?

Still feel buzz from second coffee.  No espresso, yet.  Wine notes I have to review, Claret last night.  Think I need another cup, smaller one.  Well, after lunch.  Yeah, can’t do any more caffeine right now.

Emailing back and forth.  Annoying.  But, part of AE life.  Emails, not sure why I let that stress me either.  Guess how sometimes they just swarm in tirelessly and then that begets more storms of requests and communication and notifications.  Emails, could write a book about that, easily.

Notes in new little journal – WINE.  NOTES.  MONEY.  REAL ESTATE – 

Categories
autre

12/20/21 – Up before 7:30 alarm.

Shower, little meditation.

Waiting for what seems like forever for the Keurig to heat up and letting me make this coffee.  Not ready for AE story, not yet.  Couple client issues and services matters to address, but other than that…. Week should be slow, and short.  Don’t think we’re on-duty Friday, and pretty sure we’ll be given log-off early Thursday. Who knows.  Not thinking about it even though I very much am.

Guy with unpaid bill pushing back start date, have to call him.  Annnnnnnnnd,….. can’t remember what else.

16-31 project idea and writings, where do I go and start this morning.  Yesterday slow in TR and didn’t get to post everything I wrote, oh well, so today I’m looking to log and post everything that swims though my head.  

Like…. A fish tank in the new house.  Do I want one?  No.  Sounded fun and cool and good for kids at first but guess who’s going to clean it.  Yeah no thanks.  No pets, maybe a few plants.

Just realizing I didn’t spend anything yesterday.  Huh…. Trying the same today.  Yogurt and granola, a life saver.  Making coffee at home and not giving devilish Starbucks my bucks.  Have to run today at some point, thinking an afterwork EOD run.  Yes.

Storage unit, all that mess and piling in there.  Not looking forward to addressing that but some part of me is – getting everything into the new house, if I get it…. Then I start thinking about that, stressing a bit, nerves landing and wrapping themselves around me.  Email last night to agent making it real…. Nerves still there.  Why.  Don’t listen to them, I tell myself.  Distract yourself.

Dad telling me someone may have tried to open the side gate.  “What the …. Is going on in this neighborhood?” I ask myself then voice aloud.  First the POS Prius, then this, then the story of one of the nearby homeowners finding someone in their car at night….  Do I need to get a gun when I get this new house?  No… absolutely not.  They make me uncomfortable and the thought of using one…. NO.

Think of something else… Migrating one AE story to another… how do I do that?  Already doing it, I realize.  Keep things simple, clean…. Emailed Mark, Enterprise Sales Director. OH…. Need to message Sales Ops Manager Allison, see if that big contract gets me into President’s Club, if I’m going to Maui… Oh my god….  Sent her an email— or message, over Teams.

Receipts to shred, file things away in little box.  Loving this Nook office.  Need something similar in the Save Me Wine House….  Should the office be its own room?  No…. Jack and Emmie can’t share a room, they’d destroy each other.  So then Henry and Emmie sharing a room?  Should Henry stay in my room?  Ugh… too early for this level of thought.  Either way there’ll be a grievance I’m sure, for one or both or all three of them.

Just crept into the 9 o’clock hour, messaged another AE, now what.

Looking for Silicon Valley events… rambled way too long in this entry.  Stopping for a second… quick bathroom break, more coffee… further simplification in terms of conversation and approach, whatever can be quantified.

Then I start thinking about a home office, and a part of this house which isn’t that big of course and how I’d have an “office”.  Notice the nerves again, then think, “No office.” The house itself is THE office.  Stop thinking about it so much, I write in AE Notebook 1.

Find one event, then another…. One idea, then another.  Hashtags, notes, then ideas I don’t write anywhere just to see if they stay.

Quiet on messenger channels.  Forgot I have a call at 10, mild opportunity.  Even if the guy wants to sign I’m going to try and sandbag it till January.  Still a ways away but we’ll see.  That time before a call where you just watch the clock, and watch some more.

Categories
autre

notes

Justin next-door whom I haven’t seen in I think over a month gave me a bottle of their ’18 Cab…. Sent back in a shipment that either wasn’t signed for or the address was wrong, or someone just wasn’t there to receive it.  Either way, his generosity stunned me and gives this day and wine book more momentum.  Wine definitions… she’s speaking to me through that act, through the heater going in this Sonoma Square tasting room…. Why can’t more people in wine’s world and life and industry do things like that?

Wine is simple and demands simplification…