Tag: #selflove

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Health/Wellness

Woke and first thing I wanted was to come here to 12 & Mission and write.

8:18, don’t have to be in Sonoma till 10:30, there abouts.  No wine really speaking to me yesterday while out with Chris. Bought one bottle of Pinot at Armida, then one at MacRostie where the wifi didn’t work and by that point I was so hungry no wine was saying anything to me. I’m in that funk with wine again.  The outing with Chris itself was perfect, and much needed, even with the obnoxious heat and smoke, I was enjoying the day in a way I haven’t in weeks.

Latte, 4-shots.  $6.05.  I type that then get distracted by budget and entering yesterday’s spends.  I put out off, come back to Tycho in my ears and the keyboard, this morning, here in the Starbucks down the street from where I’m now stationed.  Like a refugee, sometimes I feel.  That Tom Petty song.  Not sure if the song addresses anything like this, but that’s where my head goes.

Seeing old neighborhood friends last night, that have known me since I was 7, possibly younger actually.  Made me more than happy, and much …

Categories
just writing

Bulb Sea

Woke just before 7 this morning and headed to Healdsburg for a run.  Only 5k, but I keep telling myself it’s the start of a new start, a new running book.  Tomorrow running around here, the Skyhawk hills, maybe touch 4-5 miles.  Iced coffee picked up at the Vine Street HBG SBUX, still sipping it.  Day in flight.  Chris headed over and we’ll launch for some West County wine tasting.  Hopefully the air won’t be too bad.  Coach Patrick warning me not to run because of the air quality.  I respect his opinion and assessment of course but I was up early and needed a run.  Badly.

10:12, dressed and showered and ready for a wine story.  Porter Creek and MacRostie, the two targets.  Lunch after.  Consolidating everything, during this bunkering. Nothing new, meaning no new physical items other than clothes.  Of course I’m referring the music equipment and new camera.  Put off, till much later.  Bx will have a media arm and emphasis, but the real inception of such has to be delayed.  Or not…..  Can go about it a different way, with what I have – phone.  Use the phone.

The smoke now more visible and prevalent, looking out the window and West.  Not concerned.  I need a story.  Running…. Wine…..  business….. publishing.  Life’’s work.  Prospect emailing me toward EOD yesterday and requesting a contract.  First thing I’ll do on Monday, you can be assured.  Two selling days left in August.  Two contracts could land in those two 24-hour edifices.  We’ll see….

Thinking this morning on run, about writing… writing what’s happened in past, from just seconds ago to weeks and months and years behind me.  When I worked at the “the box” my friend and I called it….  The small “marketing firm” in downtown Napa.  I remember one time venting to my friend Steve who was part owner of a bar just around he corner, and he said “Sip and scribble, that’s what you do….” Must have been over ten years ago that interaction happened.  Then I remember when I first started at Lancaster, when Ted owned it.  Time just flying by me like a hurried buzzard, racing to that still animal before his equivalents.

The book everyone keeps asking me about. Well, just asking “So are you writing a book?” Annoys me almost as much as when people let fly out of their mouth, “What do you write about?” More comfortable answering it now, but…. What where was I going with this?….  Oh yeah, the book.  ‘o/ver’.  Certain things coming to their conclusion, or death, so other music can play… and, “O, to see…” To finally be aware.  To finally know, and UNDERSTAND something.

10:23, don’t think I’m going to finish this coffee. I’m changing in that way, not needing the amount of caffeine I used to.  Aging… getting old…. Much I hate it, it’s something to write about.  Now I just find it funny, or try to.  Like Sedaris.  Or, close.

Categories
Health/Wellness

At coLAB. Different room.

That same guy in the other room where I usually post is on the phone as always talking loud like he’s the only one in there.  Had lunch in Petaluma, didn’t walk around and prospect at all as I hoped to with the heat and smoke.  Temp now is 97.  Even feels a little hot in here.

Project by project, my mission while here.  First, budget.  Then, looking for …..

Leaving around 4, I’m thinking.

Budget done.  Lots of time remaining.  Quiet in the AE world.  Looking at condos in Petaluma.  Thinking that town will be the writer’s new stage and street-studio.  Sat at the counter agains the window, with my sandwich and glass of Miner SB.  Then here to solve this equation of what to do with Bottledaux…

I know I already know, or have it, but I just can’t see it.  It’s in my thoughts, that Everglades-like stretch of perception above my eyes.

Guy opens door to one of the bigger offices spaces, walks out and into that social space.  Work… people working… life’s work.  The topic.  Or one of them.  Me, this blog, life, working, only doing that… Manuscript in Bottle.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Proud of myself for figuring out a technical stumble

and block in the same way as my SE.  The IP phone they issue us as AE’s at Sonic, mine wasn’t working here in office (decided to come here for some writing, and quiet before doing usual Friday calls), or I could’t figure out how to get a dial tone.  Messed around with ethernet cable, think that’s what it’s called, moving it from one port to another, and the phone rebooted itself.  Dial tone now.  I know you probably are like, “So what?” Or “Big fucking deal….” Agreed, just had to note it here, more for myself than anything.

Calming down after occurrence from yesterday.  New day today, and I expect one contract to land.  Need to follow up with prospect.  What to do this weekend… RUNNING.  Ran into an old running buddy at the Stony Point Starbuck, Coach Patrick I call him as he was the coach in a running group I ran with years ago.  He’s hurt, Achilles he told me, only running 2-something miles a week ago and nothing since.  Said he’s doing a workout with someone today though, wonder what.  Early run tomorrow morning I’m hoping again, we’ll see.

Left house early this morning, just after 7.  Slept okay, but now have a spinning mind.  What I want to do, when, tomorrow and the next day, new stories.  Feel bad cancelling class last night, but I needed some time.  Just as I have some now.  Can’t believe I got this phone to work.  Should I go into IT?  Oh my god, NO..  Just kidding, I’m a bit in disbelief this thing actually works now.

Yesterday walking around San Rafael with another AE, the brunch after in Petaluma, talking about family and work, the future of this company…. 

Categories
Health/Wellness

8/25/21, need to stop using the AE laptop for writing.

Finally a contract lands today.  Just finished lunch, sandwich from Oliver’ no shock and now back on laptops.  Using phone as a hotspot which I rarely do, and hate doing.

Hitting gym between 4 & 4:30.  Starting new practice today, balance between cardio and strength.  Will write about all workouts.  And no more promising, just going to produce and paginate.

Quiet day other than the contact finally landing.  Quiet all around.  Somewhat tempted to go workout now, but that’s probably not the best of ideas seeing’s how I just ate.  Not full at all though.  Still a bit hungry, which is a positive.  Changing diet altogether.  Tonight, light dinner from Oliver’s, a little wine, then early bed.  Have some cleaning to do, and need to empty out this goddamn backpack.

Can’t believe a sale actually came in.  Been too long.  What did I learn from it, what could I have done different?  Health of person, health of business…. There’s a tie there, obviously.

Co-worker just messages me, thanking for sending in an addendum to a contract from a few months ago.  I’m calm today, more than usual.  Melody, harmony, meant music for Mike Madigan.

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Productivity

At Windsor Starbucks, and only one laptop. Staying in AE story all day.

Not deviating… not even to go for a run.  Already sent in reports, a couple emails.  Looking for new business….  Slow down though.  Already have leads and prospects to address.  It’s a Monday, so I don’t want to come out swinging too hard, too quick.

Staying here for a bit longer then back to house.  Can’t make calls here, and I do want to be on the phone today.  That I can think of, waiting on three responses to proposals.  Don’t wait, I tell myself.  Forget about them.  Find new business.  Another AE told me where to look, this one part of the Bay Area not getting much attention.

7 days left in month.  I have to put something on the board in that time.  Everything to this story, the AE beat.  Touch all leads and numbers and contacts and possibilities. Something has to happen.  THIS, is the story. This is the music, the walk.

Only notes throughout the day, no long stretches of prose.  9:22, when home, reach out to lead from last week, guy with site in Santa Rosa and Sacramento.  Pick up the phone, and call.  No more waiting for email responses.

It’s only Monday, Mike… it’s only Monday.

Categories
just writing

NOTES:

If you don’t know what to create, stop.  Don’t pressure yourself.  Let the Now give you the right hue.

Watching Starsky & Hutch.  Again.  I need something funny tonight.  I need a new writing direction… I need a volume of the newest of Newness.

I want to be funny, funny like my son Jack.  He just talks shit to me or his mother and I laugh.  I mean, it’s assured.

Write more freely, I keep reminding myself.  There is no excuse for “writer’s block” or any kind of bullshit excuse as to why you can’t put a paragraph together.  Oh my god I’m moody. Again.

AE to Bottledaux…. This week has to be mammoth, historic.  If not, I need to drastically shift and as much asI hate to say it, pivot.

Write less, live more…

Fuck, it’s almost 10 already?  Time is attacking… just sip your Pinot Mike, let it do what it does.  Live as much as you can as the numbers climb.

Hate being away from the babies…. Melissa sending me bath time pictures of little Henry in the actual bath in one of those baby chairs like the one Emma had.  Henry and his expressions, laugh and look when you talk directly to him.  More than a book, a career….  Why am I not writing about them more.  I will, I will.

One last glass of Pinot, and I want a winery, a wine shop.. to do something with wine and publishing and tech, people, community, Sonoma County, music… fucking all of it.  How was this bottle only $16?

This movie is fucking hilarious, will never get old to me.  EVER.  I. Need more laughs, more comedy, I need to laugh more when I’m told I shouldn’t when Jack says something sarcastic and antagonistic to me or his mother.

Categories
just writing

Pinot, weekend closing.

Time with kids today, everything I need and the perfect catalyst and lit wick.  The nap earlier while the ballgame was one, turned low so the perfect background noise level and contribution, helped immensely.

Watching some reality show, and I don’t understand it.  Real Housewives of somewhere.  Seriously, why the fuck am I watching this?  Conversation last night and into early morning with friend on mind still, about life and careers… pursuits and passion.  Interesting me more than most chords of late.

Bought this bottle today at Oliver’s for I want to sat $15,99 maybe.  Not resounding or telling me to do anything in particular, but perfect for now, today, me tired and just anting to relax before starting the week.  While pulling out of this house’s driveway and heading to the other house, I felt eager to start he week, to meet my Monday tomorrow, and I realized this, questioned it a bit, “This is interesting…”, I said to myself.

So in beginning the week I plot in head what I want – yes sales of course but something else.  A message, again. Message to self, and the entirety of my entireties.

Trying to sip every minute of this quiet, in a slow and intimate, cellularly adhered oscillation.  Coming from wine, from imagining my kids in the office with me, drawing plans and thinking about where the company could go next.  What we should try…. They tell me to play in this day and int he future, in the office, I see them doing the same.  Walking a vineyard with me, talking about the vines, and what we all want to do next.  Only possibility, and play. 

Then I think, write what I’ve lived.  And today, it was all them – the kids.  Their faces and slow pace in morning, Henry climbing all over me and pointing at things, and his siblings.  Time moving, and me trying to catch and capture it.  Here on Bottledaux, and wherever.  I’m hurt by it, how quick it moves, but I won’t allow it to shift my concentration or weaken me.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Budget, just had a half a tuna salad sandwich from Oliver’s.  Sipping sparkling water and watching Giants-A’s game.

Budget done, all receipts and one random business card, and a post-it thrown away.  Finally the wallet is thin again.  Need to hit an ATM and pay self for week.  Tired, didn’t sleep that well last night.  Actually didn’t sleep well at all.  May take quick nap with the game in background.  Getting rid of clutter, in the budge and elsewhere.  Simplicity.  That’s how a writer ought live if they’re to be fully and fundamentally focused on their pages.

More papers to shred or just rip up and throw away in other room.  Tomorrow’s project, one of them.  This morning with all three kids upstairs and little 11 month old Henry getting into everything, going after everything, having his first little game of catch with me.  I need to write more about them, about me as a Dad.. a parent, writing father.  There is a line of books there, in those three small voices and faces.  No more distractions, from anything, anywhere.

Mentioning of baseball greats, from black & white picture days.  Huh… how will my picture be seen, mentioned.

Categories
Health/Wellness

“Dada, guess what…. At school yesterday, a girl had a birthday party.”, Emma said.

Whenever she talks, I listen.  Whenever she talks, it’s the cutest and sweetest set of sentences I’ve ever heard.  That’s my daughter, I say to myself.  I love her so much it’s crippling.  I want everything for her.  For her brothers too, but I want her to see me as strong, present, always approachable and accessible.  And I am.  Just want to know she sees me that way.  I do everything I can to ensure such.

No latte this morning, but an iced coffee with cinnamon.  The chemists at Starbucks put too much goddamn cinnamon in atop the ice cubes and coffee. Learning experience I guess.  Next time, just coffee.  Need to buy espresso pods today, along with some other necessities in this skip of this shift.

Jackie upstairs playing his electric piano/keyboard when he should be folding laundry.  I don’t mind, at all.  Can’t say the same for some people.  With this new intensity and punctuation of music… me failing to write my verse last night so just now quickly typing a couplet, two lines.

Everyone leaving soon, not sure to where, so I need to get to work.  Movement… music.  Shouldn’t take long, what I need done.  Hoping to run at day’s end, around 5 possibly.  Maybe.  And may have a business meeting in early evening.  The aim is have cushions or buffers with time, today.

Things in position, moving quick now.  Have to step away from keys.  Will write later, possibly from HBG, or Cotati (Redwood Café).

……..

4:22, at the other house.  Sitting int he same spot I do when I work and prospect new business.  Went to HBG after getting oil change for that piece of shit bucket of a fuck-wit Prius, car wash, then up to HBG for lunch.  Took my time with the Gyro Salad and Pliny, watched people walk by, the young couple’s little girl walk around with her stuffed Panda and say hi to any dog she saw, some humans me being one of the lucky ones.  Sweet little thing, of course made me think of Emmie when she was that size and age, 18 months I think I hear the mom say.

Been here for about an hour I think.  Having a glass of the Lancaster SB, and thinking about work, business, using the time I have here to self— what SELF means in this Shift.  And yes that needs to be capitalized as it is capital and worth something.  The experience of this, this new life as a consequence and reverberation from the shift.

TV muted, A’s versus Giants, John Coltrane providing the score of course.  “In A Sentimental Mood”, of course.  Happiness, the exploration and excavation, the music.. to everything.  Walked around a block in Healdsburg and saw all these young people, carless and smiling more than most humans do.  I walked past them but my eyes were  razzed in study.  Now I’m here, at this age, but feeling that age.  Odd helix and ideological and perceptive geography.  A new Xanadu, if you would.  Honestly.