Tag: Muscle

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life photog Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y

4-4-24

Another strange-looking date.  10:54 home with Henry and sipping espresso, about to send writings somewhere.  Made one appointment, then another.  Networking, not “interviews”.  Pragmatic and meaningful meetings, both next week.

Behind in the BED journal. Nurse messages me, coming over later.  Raining today, not sure about Jack’s game later.  More than likely will take place.  Have to get to store and get dinner resolved somehow.  Worry about that later…

And lunch for Henry.  Done.  Opportunity in everything, and it’s never too late to start a new story I just noted to Self in the other journal.

Can’t allow myself to have any clouds over me.  Stay moving, stay motioned, creating the manuscript.

Writings sent off, appointment for Monday confirmed….  Two boxes checked.  Reviewing old notes and pictures, videos of the wine industry days.  They look different.  I, look different in these shots.

Took a selfie and sent to Nurse.  And, took it for documenting.  This is me, now, here, at the loft with my youngest while outside the rain’s paused and light wind moves the trees in front of the deck.

Slow day…. 11:13, thinking of putting down Henry for quick nap.  Waiting till after 12:00.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! photog Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y wine

20:45

First glass, starting to show more roundness and personality.  Again, reminding me of when I first started tasting and drinking wine with any kind of critical context.  What happened to me?  Why did I lose my love and passion, pursuit in this world?  

It was the industry, I know it. What if I took it back.  What if I … never mind.  No more fucking ifs.  Just doing it. Where is the iPad?  Shit.. back at the loft.  Where I was writing this new wine page pile exclusively.

Notes from 2003-ish, to now.  All tasting rooms, all characters, all tastings including the ones in Debra Mathy’s office – the Melka portfolio, REALM, some Kosta-Browne, and who knows what else.  And the people… forget about the fucking wines for a second, or a couple hours.  All the friends I made…

All the conversations and adventures. All the storytelling and getting to know why people came from wherever to be in the wine industry.

That one girl, what was her name… Allison!  From fucking Iowa or something and wanting to work a wine harvest she told me.  And I had to laugh how she said “wine harvest”, when she told me one afternoon on the crush pad, hotter that shit on the Kunde pavement.

All these people, all these rooms, all these people that go from tasting room job to tasting room job next.  WHY.  What are they chasing…?

Reminded of HST and the inner-inquiry he’d have in F&L.  ‘What are they after, what are they looking for?’ Something like that he’d ask.

So, then… WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR?

Honestly, a story that cannot be moved or curved, diluted or severed by an external arm.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Productivity

4-2-24

Vacaville, CA.

20:06

Back from visiting Nurse at work, getting quick dinner with her then trip to Nugget, then driving home and getting pulled over but not.  Sirens in mirror, I pulled over, rolled down window.  Heard a cop saying something, I asked “What?”

Thought he asked if I had a gun.  I put my hands out the window, then he said “Person in the car, you can go.”

“Did you say I can go?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Then why did you pull me over clown,” I wanted to say.

Anyway, other than the great meeting earlier, that’s my day.  About to open a Pinot, wait for the Nurse.  Oliver the dog next to me having a couple bites from his bowl and Fig the feline hopping up on the table then me picking up the little squirt bottle threatening to pull the trigger but he doesn’t budge.  I shoot, he runs.

Laugh a little then look at notes from day.  Not many.  Idea for a blog, the Nurse and I and out adventures dining out.

Mind everywhere, and trying to get it to settle.  Get some of the fire back, some of the madness in my prose I was known for years ago.  When I was teaching.  One of the tenured at SSU calling my lecturing fast and furious, “flawless and passionate”.  How do I get that back?

Something has happened to me, and I feel it coming back but slowly.  I need to let more out… be more honest in my paragraphs.  Care less who’s reading these pages and posts.  What can they do?  I mean really, what can they do send the writer death squad to bump me off?  Wish they would try…

Nurse’s hospital today under a cyber ransomware attack.  And I guess it’s rather severe.  Interesting, and terrible.  Could affect people’s pay, patient care, lots of things.  Who would make such a horrible move?

Pinot open, giving it a sec.  Fig jumps up on table I pick up bottle and he flees.  Story of the day, driving and meeting and more driving.  Taking self out to lunch at the Asian spot on the corner then to see a friend at work, have a glass of SB, then back on the road a couple hours after.

This is my new writing spot, at this table with the circling and prying pets.  Fig jumps up on the counter behind me, the island if you would, sniffing the flowers I got the Nurse.  I fire once and he runs into the next room.  And I learn something from his persistence, him risking being ‘shot’.

Still puzzled by those cops that flashed their lights.  And yes, there was an SUV and a bike.  Maybe they were practicing?  Did they want to see if I would, I don’t know, give chase?  So weird.

Message the Nurse, see how her besieged campus is doing, if her patient is out yet or being wheeled to their room or downstairs to be picked up.

Could write about her, and I should.  This beautiful Nurse and what she does.  How she arrived to her current story.  Would want her permission of course.

OR, enact her character in mine, in my Story, this new FREEDOM I have.  More on that later if I remember.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity

4-1-24

Didn’t return to the keys yesterday, oh well.  10:52 and the Nurse and I ready for the drive to VV.  She upstairs doing something, me finally getting to keys and following up on leads.  Meeting tomorrow.

Last night flew by, the Nurse and the family in the kitchen, all of us talking and lots of laughing.  And like that, gone.  Taught me again that I have not the time to meditate or even slightly deliberate.  Just create and record in the immediate moment.

Looking through notes from the prop tech company days, property in Mountain View walked on a stormy day, cameras everywhere, some replaced and others net new.  Not sure what made me think of it, but I learned more that day than I had in much of my time in the company. Just by being there, walking and taking notes and marking up a map of the property. 

Finishing latte, slow day so far and I think it’s somewhat of a holiday.  Cesar Chavez Day, nearly forgot.  Not letting certain energies get to me, at all.  None of it reaches me anymore, muddle-minded mutants just crawl and trudge in their own self-made misery.  Pity them, but also laugh as well.  And why not.

Every though recorded…. Every note noted, “NOTED”.  Laughing again because one of the mutants uses that words more than I think they realize.  Hilarity gifted in voluminous volumes.  Merci…

Narcissism, fascinating to me.  The Nurse reads me these posts and memes and I am further grabbed.  How timely…. 

HAPPINESS.  Writing it myself.  Fuck everyone else.  And I say that from a place of gratitude, and humility sitting here with the Nurse, no fangs or rattles, absolutely calm placid Poetic Zen.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity

17:36 back home after movie.  Kung Fu Panda 4.  Great film, haven’t seen the prequels.  Emphases of inner-motivation, changing of character, persistence and standing ground.  PASSION… 

Waiting for Mom and Dad to get here, change of plans them coming here after the kids requested they come to the loft.

The feeling of Composition and togetherness about me from this morning still Beats.  I’m whole, and loving the story.  This new me.

Waking early tomorrow and working out in office.  Entire day with family, probably no writing done if I weren’t to wake early and record any notes and musings.  No distractions, emails or messages or apps, anything.

MY new pursuit, a new dance and twirl.  I have a new thesis and virtue, seasoned in my steps.  My heart is a balm of assertiveness.  There will be no waiver, or compromise.  I’m a legion of forward, nothing in a stall of flutter atop field, no inconsequential hover.

17:48 = Steady, set, sharp in this chair, in the loft, nook looking out at the greater loft where my youngest plays and celebrates the beginning of a family evening in his own way.

Realization, new station never complacent.  Some people just mention what’s ancient.  A hog’s beak-spit, I can’t keep with and lame weak riff… notes to self journaled and on shelf.  Move to ocean, back to Mendo or Monterey with the Nurse.  Peace, love, the only thing I wanted and frankly fucking deserved for well over a damn decade.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness LOVE!!!!!

Letting go of anger, resentment.

Doens’t serve me.

My revenge is just that, moving on, and past.  Emphatically fixating on my happiness and health and life with the kids, the Nurse, family.

Tempted to break this fast but not letting myself.  Rather, pushing myself further into it, mentally.  Sipping sparkling water, and may do one more coffee after.  More than discipline, this is enjoyment in a new act, a new character and way for me.

TWENTY.MORE.PUSHUPS.

Done… messaging the Nurse, one of her friends commenting on us, saying she loves our “love story”.  Warms my heart and has me even sharper and more focused in this new rile I’m in this morning.

10:57.  Shit, where did the morning go.  Emma finishing a late breakfast, the last of the egg bites the Nurse bought for us.

I know where I’m going, FINALLY.  This is absolutely IT.

Another coffee, I text the Nurse humorously.  She’s probably rolling her eyes, thinking I don’t need any more and she’s right, but it sounds good right now. 

Protecting this attitude and energy I’m so very much enjoying this somewhat cloudy morning.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity

3-30-24 —> One page in BED journal done, two more till I’m caught up.  Coffee done now espresso.

Usually it’s reversed.  Focusing on Mental Health and total health, healthy habits.  LIFE.  That’s my passion and focus, thesis.  Writing in the BED journal about the guy I heard talking yesterday about content creation and how…. To create for and from passion.  What am I, or is anyone, more concerned with and passionate about than being alive – healthy and happy?

The Nurse has helped me drive this into my character and day-to-day like NO ONE has.  In a past life, there was little emphasis on this.  Won’t get into it, but when you’re with a certain type of character, it strips away Composition and you falling certain corners, dark and consuming.

BUT – here I am.  Like this.  Alive and passionate and bobbing my head to some unheard beat while the laundry spins and speaks from the third floor.  TEN PUSHUPS….

Actually FIFTEEN.  This hit me unexpectedly, this health and mental health thesis.  No I don’t have a degree in Psych… 15 more done.  Getting addicted to this idea, sharing ideas, what works and doesn’t and put its entire entity into words.

Even after those 30 pushups I feel different.  What is best for the character, the story, the forward and what’s in the next day and the next…

09:25, hungry but not budging.  Distracting myself with projects for the loft, for me—  20 PUSHUPS.

DONE.

Fitness goal defined.  Do I need anything…?  Like what…. Additional weights, bag for the garage?  Maybe.

Simplicity, also essential.  Just realizing all this now.  Well, with the thoughts last night before sleep.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity Readings/Writings

Started a new project.  To do with money, but no specifics here.  Less being the thesis

and centralized punctuation of the effort and method.  Over budget at the store by $30.55…. What can I do, my kids are here and I don’t limit in providing for them.  Regardless of what some hasty-witted hogs might think.  They are good for the weekend with me, and I’m grateful and at peace knowing they have what they need here, in MY home.

Setting laws for self, with writing and other.  For purposes of work and success, yes, but more for my new design of character and practice.

New narrative for Mike Madigan.  He is moving slower, with more sense and focus, measurement AND whim.

New ideas, writing as a single dad… starting with the pickup and transport of little Henry earlier.  His face, how he looked tired but still gave me such a sweet little hug and asked where Grandma and Grandpa and the Nurse were.  All he wanted was this stuffed Monkey, which I remembered to bring.

The push and fire I feel in being their dad is something to which I can’t assign simple prose, so I infuse more voltage, look at old pictures, build this new manuscript and journals temple.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness LOVE!!!!! parenting life

In loft office, 1st floor.  Was going to have a quick power nap after Oliver’s breakfast burrito, but has nerves about me… wanting to budget and balance, set aside $25 for a business after the other night’s dream.  Just put it in an envelope, I said to myself, set it aside.  DONE.

Pick up Henry at 11:45, then again at 14:30 to take him to another location.  Dinner more or less figured out.  Ahead of schedule but not getting cocky, something could arise like a bomb and blow up my world.

10:29, one hour till I have to leave.

;;;;;;;;

13:15 back from taking Henry to location #2, hitting Safeway and getting most of the needed Easter needs, food and whatever else for weekend.  Back in chair, feeling an immensity of gratitude and strength, focus like the other day working while the Nurse was with her girls in Benicia.

Organized, I’m about mine, my story and progression.  Nothing stopping this writer today or now or fucking ever.  No matter how hard flap-dragons try.

Back in the single dad set after over a week without my babies.  Henry’s little face and sentences… finally.  Centered on him and his brother and sister.

Distracted looking at the Mark West site, seeing if practice is cancelled for my daughter.  Hasn’t been updated since yesterday before noon.  Rain predicted for tomorrow and the next day.  So… in the fucking house all weekend?

NO.  Will plan something.  Long as I get to be with them, honestly the only thing I give a shit about.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y

3-27-24 —> 06:53 up with Nurse.  Blowdrying her hair, me looking to see when today’s two calls

are.  One, yes excited.  Like the company and the tech they deploy.  The other call more toward EOD, merely an exercise.  They’re trying to sell me, bait me into something, and more than likely will come nowhere near my number.  Looking forward to toying with them, honestly.

Take Nurse to work then me working from the Fairfield Peet’s I’d imagine.  Hoping for a run around here later, then dinner with a couple of her longtime friends at some point in evening.

Forcing fruition, that is the theme of the week.  And next.  And all the fucking weeks in this campaign.  OH… one more lead, I nearly forgot about.  Sending materials in today.  Forming more this “brand” of mine.  What I am aside from but still in concert with my work history, where I was before the MSP.  My character and story.

Nurse is nearly done, and I’m to pack up soon.  Building this character of Mike Madigan post-MSP… more positive vocals and lines written, more love, notes… dream last night of a flood in Glen Ellen and I was driving my 1974 Super Beetle from the high school and early college days.  A large wave of water coming down what I think was Arnold Drive, toward the bridge.  I found myself floating in my vehicle, and several large trucks and semis floating in the road-borne mega-puddle.  Was terrified and worried, sure something would hit me.  But nothing did.  I wound up driving away.

Everything worked out fine.  The message being clear, in this period.  The world and my thinking and conscious’ inner-planes deciding fate, ordering me to subscribe.  I woke around 03:00-something, then back asleep a bit thereafter where I had another dream instructing me that I need $25 to start a business.  I couldn’t get enough of this otherworldly orations.

Where my visions go first is a new journal, but I already have one.  What else…. Can’t think.  So then again I stumble upon another conclusion.  I have everything I need now to get where I wish and need be.

Perfection.  07:05…. Soon to Peet’s for coffee.  Made a cup downstairs so my energy can be with flapping wings before at the register ordering a 3 or 4-shot latte and the Nurse’s Coconut Black Tie.