Tag: Muscle

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life

4-14-24

Mom’s birthday.  Going over to Katie’s later.  Up earlier than yesterday.  07:40 now.  Took an allergy pill, couldn’t fight it anymore.

Groggy, hoping this espresso shot wake me up, and it’s starting to.

Moving slow not pressuring self.  What do I have to react to this morning, not much.  

Jack’s practice cancelled I think, checking now.  Another calm day, unusually uneventful weekend.

Writing all thoughts for week ahead.  Prospecting differently….

Henry watching something new.  Not sure what but I can tell it’s a kid show.

07:53…. Should be journaling but the keys called me, following the morning’s waves.

Jack has batting practice at 10:30…. 08:07 now, still plenty of time for work and whatever else.  My mind is not centered, or focused I feel.

08:43, all the kids done with breakfast.  Well, Emma still has a couple bites left of her waffle.  Jack and Henry upstairs.  Henry declaring his want to help Jack straighten his room, and clean the bathroom a bit.  Never seen that before, shocked and in the best way.  The level of cooperation and agreeability is stunning, honestly.

Breakfast done.  One page filled in BED, now another.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y

Behind in BED journal, saving that for EOD.  See if I do it.  Test for myself, and I need to pass. 

Not just with colors flying, but colors boasting, empowered and self-assured.

Thinking of moving journal to bedside, like some people do.  Espresso and laundry, rain.  Not sure if Emma’s game is a go today or not.  My guess is it will be.

Caught myself scrolling pointlessly and with no aim or solid objective.  So I made myself stop, even asking “What the fuck are you doing?” Then, “Get to fucking work.”

What I’m doing.  Typing with no thought of what I’ll post to blog.  True writer freedom and warrior-like ways.  Thinking of me, here now at table, nothing and no one else.  Finish the book, what do I want… meeting tentatively Wednesday of next week but who knows.  Maybe it’ll be sooner.  Am I excited?  I guess…. It’s work, and the brand I believe in, so I’ll make it mine.

Which is what anyone in the AE position should do.

No more continuing with certain patterns.  Everything different today.  EV-ER-Y-THING.  Looking at the Plath words on my arm, reminding self about SELF.  The power I have…

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life

4-12-24

09:23

Loft with Henry.  He watches Paw Patrol episodes, I think, while I work away.  Materials sent to contact, page in BED journal done.  Now budgeting and MAP.

Realized something to content production… no secret, use what you have.  Again, documentarian decision.  Henry and I in the Peet’s store, waiting on order.  He killing his chocolate milk on the way home, only one sip left when parked in garage.

Set to work as hard as the Nurse.  More than likely I won’t be able to, but I’ll try.  Her day yesterday WELL over 16 hours.  And I still have to laugh at others boasting how hard they work.  True comedy, thank you.

Being a dad is self-education, and understanding that moments don’t repeat.  Henry and I in that Peet’s TODAY will never again occur.  The smell of the espresso, he wanting me to hold him then put him down, the walking around me and playing the catch game we do…. All scenes instruct, remind this writer.

Selfie attempt with him to send Nurse, he rubbed his eyes, tired, then told me to try again but he got distracted by the barista calling my name.  “Daddy, that’s you…”

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!!

4-11-24

20:00 Only now getting time to write.  Baseball games at fields, chasing Henry.. in nook now trying to produce something but exhausted.  Not hungry, had fries with Henry at the park.  Writing in journal at some point, allergies attacking me….  Much needed glass of Merlot.

Calm, Zen in this nook, thoughts of travel and photography, documenting.  That documentary approach I was all into at the beginning of last year but somehow got distracted.

The search, annoying and stressing me. Nurse tells me she’s still at work, poor girl.  I swear, no one works harder that she does.  No one I know, that’s for fucking sure.  Especially those that always have to remind the world around them that they work full-time.  I know you’re reading.

Nurse sending me sweet messages, they added one more case.  I am so enamored with her.  Hope hard she works and then how much time she makes for me and her kids… truly an oddity, anomaly, unicorn, something.

20:20 – Henry and Emmie having a late dinner, but what can I do.  Why do these fucking little league games go so goddamn late?  Was it like that when I was playing?

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness LOVE!!!!!

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After my note to the Nurse, smile and laugh antagonistically at some people. How miserable they are and how it’s obvious how deeply they resent my happiness and freedom.  Keep the reactions coming, mold-wart’d beetle-brain….

I am celebrating MY life today, and what I have with my sweetest Nurse.  I will NEVER apologize for my happiness.  I fucking deserve it, and if you feel like I do celebrate yours too.  And, MADLY.

They want me to be like them, and nothing like this newly freed Mike Madigan.  Good fucking luck.. I know you’re reading.  Understand something… this is ME, and I will NOT change.  Ever.

And I will not even think about apologizing.

Have a shit day…..

MJM

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!!

So at peace this morning, Composed… grateful.

Avg for year, .579.  Wanting to hit somewhere around 3000 words for day.  Should give self another hour here.  This Fairfield Peet’s.  Pet Shop Boys comes on, West End Girls.  The Nurse hates this song, and I have to laugh hearing it now. She’s so adorable, her likes and dislikes, our coffee dates in the morning.

FINALLY.  Fucking finally I have this.  Love, but more.  And I know people hate me for it, but like I typed above they are gone.  Forever off and away from my Earth.

09:27 thinking of getting another latte.  Shit, should I?  NO… hold off.  Conserve, tighten belt Mikey.

Going back into a removed sight snd observational lean about my character.  The Professor, this Mike Madigan former adjunct, in a spot that is optimal for growth.  Possibly the last opportunity of this type he’ll have in his collective story.

Gratitude overtakes him.

Looks out the window, person somewhat large walking toward door.

They can move, but not quick. They struggle.

He breathes, not so much deep but meant, with sharp meaning.

Nothing pressing, nothing in the next hour.  Thinking of going back home, to the Nurse’s house.  Get run logged, enjoy the weather.  Already a bit warm.  60-some degrees.  Overthinking, but not to any detriment or wall hit.  My thoughts are motioned, revving high, that’s all.  The feeling of strength and gratitude, and the realization after my lunch with the Nurse….  I can’t describe it.  The thought had been said to myself before, thought and considered, but never enacted maybe?

I don’t know.  I’m here now.  At this conviction.  I have nothing else to say.  What else can I communicate?  And, if there is something why would I?  I am ignored, and pushed back.

I’m moving on… gifting myself a new hue of freedom.

This strength I feel this morning is honestly something else.  I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this strong, and I’d even say ‘in control’.  Don’t get too comfortable Mike, or confident.  One line at a time.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness LOVE!!!!!

3-10-24 === 08:09 

Fairfield Starbucks.  Behind in BED journal, but not worried.  Took Nurse to work, made her lunch this morning.  First time I’ve done that, I think.  We laughed and talked this morning, about many things.  Something she said yesterday to me at Hop Monk in Sonoma opened a new dimension of liberation, number of levels… several new ages and songs in head now..

Miley Cyrus song playing and I’m annoyed, as well as the seat I found, the only one.  Lady gets up and I eye her table, not in the middle of the floor like this.  Will take it if she leaves.  Waiting a bit, don’t want to be that guy.  Or maybe I should just stay here, be uncomfortable, write from that.  Isn’t that what I’m used to?

Thought about going back to Vacaville, writing where we got our coffees this morning.  No… staying.  Meditating here, embracing the scene’s entirety.  Mental Composition taking new form with these new baristas and people around me, this new table and arrangement, Fairfield.

Thinking of new blogs yesterday, one for me and notes, no full sentences.  Then the blog for the Nurse and I, our food/going out blog.  Then another… aim being, never enough blogs and catchy domains.

Found one, but not moving on it just yet.  Thinking I’m my own client and that’s the take on this that’ll pay…. Sip coffee, listen to everything.  Song playing that’s taking over my attention, distracted.  Music often does that.  Lady still not back at table… taking it!

At new table, looking at journal prompts.  All three, timely.  Just what I need this morning to be honest.  Waiting on a call this morning and the prompts have me loudly confident, with more ambition and certainty.

Selling blogs, ME, one project at a time.  But NOT selling.  Not in any respect or way.  Focused this morning.  Back and forth from these keys to the Nurse’s journal pages.  Bullying self to production.  To bringing something to fruition.  Run later, car wash, take self to lunch maybe, somewhere.   But the goals for day NEED to be met.

New WordPress blog, domain not secured.  Later though, after the journal.  08:28, moving as quick as I can…. Know I’m sometimes too into my own thoughts.  Working on a cure, if you would.  Looking at this from 3rd person, what Mike sees, where he is in his story, what he wants from the day-to-day, from TODAY.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

3-9-24

15:11 back in VV after driving to the loft to get my laptop and journals.  Leaving for an appointment with the Nurse in a bit I think, then a couple more errands.

Message sent to contact, and now again I wait.

Writing in the Nurse’s office for a bit, first.  Replaying day… lunch at Hop Monk in Sonoma, and now meditating in this corner.  All written.

Book, about Composition of character.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

—>

14:22.  Offsite.  Not saying where.  Still in Windsor and close to loft.  Should cut off this fucking cover over the tattoo later.  It’s annoying me, and not helping the mood.

#MYMUSICMOODNOW – Ressurrection, by Common.  One of my favorite-EVER hip-hop tracks, and writing pieces.  I feel playful in language, no more anguish.  Now I’m a bandit, taking what I want from the day.

14:24, friend comes by asks what I want, answer obvious.  And I look through old captures.  How did time … where did it go?  How am I here?  How have I experiences all this?  Seriously, in my most distanced and irrational of fantasies I would NEVER have been convinced I’d have the condo, that second floor loft.

At…. Almost said the location.  Staying off radar, know some people are watching and literally inventorying everything I do conspiring to spin it some way.  How sad, how LARGE in intention.

Shot from 2016, Dutcher Crossing I think. Such symbolism and mystery, history, blurred symmetry in the glasses.  I fall into an interpretive pit, calm and assuring.

So I type on, seeing what I can do and find in my own character.  The thought of anything contrived, no.  It will all be truth and candid Composition.  Only way it can be, me here writing just off the Town Green… learning from Self and these trials and hurdles if you could call them that.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

Go for a run, then come home, shower, quick light snack then hit a café. 

Why do I run from dreams, aims and elevated goals?  Why do I have to or feel the need to always be so fucking practice.  Like the Nurse said recently, sometimes that’s not what’s needed.

Didn’t see things going like this…  Thinking of one individual at the MSP, and how his voice and condescension, attitude and just the sight of his ogre-y stroll and dopey self irritated me.  So, I guess then, one positive from all this – I never have to see that individual a-fucking-gain.

Go more on the offensive, I remind myself.  And partially against my attitude.  Be a bully with it, which is funny as that’s the question in the BED journal, today’s prompt.  Have I ever bullied someone.  Answer, NO.  Well, not till now.  ME, I’m intentionally bullying me to motivate self out of this shit.

“”””””””

13:27.  Went for a run, and it sucked.  Set time for 60 mins, didn’t even touch 30.  Not in the best mood, and this fucking … not interested in doing it right now.  Fucking selling my soul for another quarry.

And some people, much I declare I will ignore and not let their evil tentacles into my cells, I’m unnerved and off-lot.  So… get out of the house.  Seriously, go to KC’s or KIN, or Oliver’s.  Write, build content, a STORY.  

Single dad in tech laid off and agitated with much, but only wanting to build for his kids.

The fucking film or covering, whatever the fuck it is over the ink on my arm is itching and driving this writer crazy.

I AM…

Strong.

Stubborn.

Loving.

Conviction-drawn.

WRITING.

Creating….

Grateful.

IN LOVE.

…

When in high school and Foothill College, SSU and CSUEB I said I was going to be a writer and professor.  Then I backpedaled, played life safe, fucking compromised, did what others said I should do.  Find a “real” job, one that’s “safe”.  Get married and whatever the fuck else.

Basically, what I had on the board was inadequate.

And here I am back in that film… that scene, and I’m saying FUCK OFF.