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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness LOVE!!!!! sales-y

3-25-24

06:39.  Up.  Starting with emails and LinkedIN, funnel spreadsheet I put together.  This week I stop this search.  Will never allow it to again materialize.

One email sent, then some reading in Daily Stoic.  Amor Fati, yes.  Precisely my attitude and way this morning, FINALLY getting up earlier than usual.  Work, immediately. After waking from a weird dream, first set of steps on the mind.

Changing search parameters again.  See where this takes me.  Solely sales emphasis.

Notice my energy low this morning.  Bring it up.  Turn off reactive qualities…. Sales, software, Saas… where I’m exploring now.  Similar to what I did at Kastle, and Sonic to a lesser layer.

Calm…. Selling ME, as my brand and shape, story.  Every day is day one, and the point is to remain strong.   Back into it—

07:19…. Some considerable ground covered.  Putting myself in the role now, before even a conversation has started.  Rewriting and wiring my mentality.  Noting everything in this search.  I want to be sad or at least missing it when it’s done.

This is the project like I noted yesterday.  The new book and Beat.  I’m doing it, I’m DOING IT.

Nurse’s daughter Kellie just now gets home from work.  Also a Nurse, but with much different hours than her mother.

Ten messages in the next hour, this writer’s goal.

////////

11:25 back at the loft.  Continuing prospecting, seeing it as a rich terrain.  First punctuation, attitude, and how it translates to habits.  I could be sullen and low, furrowed, desperate.  But I’m not.

I won’t allow it.  Keep thinking of the kids, the Nurse, what I want to build.  What sort of brand or ‘software’ I am.  Somewhat of a tickling and flirtatious idea broached on the drive over.

Monday – promising a multicolored Composition, urging only forward.  Elevation.  Visualization, positive yes but assured and vibrant.  Not slowing, can’t afford it.  Logging each contact in a new CRM I just created…. Rather, added to Funnel project.

Rather enjoying this, this challenge and new story.  Into it… report later.

11:51 vowing to post and write every finding, idea, curiosity, possibility.  Seriously, EVERYTHING.  Prop Tech being the focus and desired landing but not limiting Self to that.  Sent one message, then a couple more.  Touching contacts I haven’t in some time or maybe never have.

Tentative call set for next week, as he needs to close out month strong.  I totally understand, I told him.  How I’m seeing this situation, as not a situation but new sales story, role, narrative.

Education, learning.  Sales, teaching Self new notes again, writing SALES in large letters on a piece of printing paper.  Nurse comes down to put a candle on desk next to me, telling me to let her know if I want her to make me a sandwich.  How did I find this level of kindness and love, selflessness?  Noting on paper… be that with prospects.  More what I can do for them than any glimpse of antithesis.

Urge – HONESTY.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y

Good progress for a Sunday.  No lunch, not hungry.  Adrenalin too high and I’m too focused and

obsessed with this new opportunity, and that’s how I have to see it.  I do, I do.  I swear.

13:28, Nurse getting ready for a late lunch with her daughters.  Thinking I’ll head somewhere to work.  Get out of the house be around people.  Listen to conversations, stockpile ideas.  One this morning, as soon as I came out of some odd dream where someone was giving me sales advice, I declared wine and its industry all but dead.  No more even thinking of pursuing a position in its waters. 

What about teaching, adjuncting…?  I can’t.  Seriously the thought of grading fucking papers makes me roll my eyes and want to take a nap.

It’s tech for me, and more specifically prop tech more than likely.

Keep writing and thinking till something materializes.

Painting a portrait of the Nurse last night, and my drawing was horrible.  But I still enjoyed myself, had fun with the Nurse and her friends and Nurse colleagues.

Taught me something about myself or maybe a reminder to make the moment, the situation no matter how serious or stressful or even dire, MINE.

Stop writing, collect…

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Readings/Writings sales-y

3-24-24

Searching for anything, any appointment I mean.  My anxiety is in the highest of atmospheres right now, coupled with other realms.

Composing an email, sending now and will follow up tomorrow.

Thinking linearly, and in singularized steps.

Organized, and poignant.

Email sent.  Thinking of what else to do in this coming week.  Every day, wake early.  06:00 or earlier.  My frustration is getting the best of me a bit.  Being with the Nurse is a saver of life and sanity, Composition and character.

About EVERYTHING.  My attitude.  No boxes, no confinement or imprisonment.

Three notable moves today.  Actually four.  Picking up tomorrow.  Noting everything.  This is an unexpected story, where I am in this position, and at my age.  I am not stopping.  There is nothing and no negative joitheads that will stop me or slow me or even for a second distract me.

My bite and ire is formidable.  Picture from yesterday with the Nurse at Domaine Carneros, tasting and talking, in near-disbelief at how happy we are and what we’ve both experienced.  Drawing from that, going into this week.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!!

inward jots…

3-21-24

Nurse left for work, and I decide to work from the VV Peet’s for a while.

Still upset about the call yesterday, the dickhead recruiter saying because I had two employers in the last however many years that I am disqualifies from interviewing?  EFF YOU.

Moving on.  I’m in fighter form this morning.  Let’s go… let’s fucking GO.

Told the Nurse I’d leave for Windsor but not before having some time to self this morning, HERE… writing, collecting, connecting.  Three email to send, one text in the queue.  Filling funnel however I can… names, companies, geographies like Mark stressed yesterday at lunch.

08:02…. Two emails and two texts sent.

Ideas for prospecting, especially after reviewing my notes form the Mark meeting yesterday.  Think outside the box Madigan, what the Nurse demanded last week or before.

Posting everything to blog and making this search the book and blog and all efforts.  Sales, a survival skill honestly, how I see it.  How I feel, and the methods are will what shield me from certain energies and false-truths.

The Nurse’s words this morning, healing and encouraging.  I’m writing all of them… “Give yourself some grace…. Don’t let that dark place overtake…. Don’t go home, be out and around people, find inspiration in what you say people call normal…”

She, my Queen, my EVERYTHING.  This needed to happen, getting let go from that fucking MSP.  Now in this new search for work I find more than prospects I find purpose and new poetry in me and everything around me.  This VV Peet’s, the latte.

Sending the Nurse a note…. Then a text to one of my leads, suggested by and old leads group partner from the Sonic AAE/AE days.

11:00 on Monday, on calendar.  Researching one company, then another.  Again had the thought this morning of going back to the wine industry and adjuncting-ing, but online.  Why not, shit… at this point….

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y

I am furious right now….  I have to calm. Only thing I want to do is write, and ….

I try to snap out of it, but I want to snap at these devils.  Watch what you write… Mike posted this on his blog…

SO??

Do something about it.  I am taking this all under my rile and realized fire.  Thanks to the Nurse for her words, literally the only human that understands me right now.  Her, and CLT.

Another espresso made, I want these devils to come at me, to doubt me, to laugh at me and my fight now.  I love it.

LOVE.IT.

…..

Leaving in a bit.  I’m not letting these pigs sink me, or me to sink myself.  Head out to VV, find a writing spot, and do something.  Bring this blog to more life.. Mark even said it again today at lunch, and with emphasis, pointing at me from across the table with a smile – About.EVERYTHING.

Shake, smile, try and call kids though I’m sure my call will be blocked and intercepted.

Quick call with the kids, and they were all smiles. In a hot tub, my little babies.  Seeing them elevates me mood, and fills me with more fire.  I will not settle for ANYTHING.

This story has an added atmosphere of sharpness from my character and core, more, more venom and words, poetics in each step.  Like the Nurse said, think outside the box.

Pack laptop, couple journals, head to VV.  Get the fuck out of this condo, out of Sonoma County, much I love it.  Pack a water…. What music for the drive.  Eric Hilton, haven’t listened to him in a while.

Calming…. I think.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y

Heading to lunch with Mark in about 5 minutes.  Windsor Golf Course.  Never been.  This morning I was struck and battered pleasurably by ideas for EVERYTHING – blog and books and the #professormikey brand.  A de-emphasis of wine and an escalation in the fitness/health/running staples.  More on this later.

11:39, should leave.  Want to be there early.  Fucking allergies already, and it’s not even April.  Study it, I tell myself.

Bringing main journal, for anything Mark says or that wraps itself around mind.

—>

15:22

Call didn’t pan out as I thought it would.  Now my mood sinks.  A defeat, and I recognize it.  Driving out to VV in a bit, but I need some time.  Collect, talk to self….  FUCK.

Moving on, I can’t fixate or hold myself in any one place, depend on any one prospect.  So why am I?

Snap out of it…. This period is nearly a month old.  I have to do something different.  Like Mark said today, ATTITUDE… reaction, how I react.

Maybe I should COMPLETELY reinvent.  Yes, why am I saying fucking maybe?  Not happy with myself or that goddamn MSP.  But why, I took the job.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Productivity Readings/Writings

09:51, call in 9 minutes.  Exploratory chat, more or less.  See where it goes.  Then, interview I guess you could call it right after.  THEN, return call from wine industry friend.  Probably just a check-in, not counting on the industry to deliver any meaty opportunities, at all.

Sip coffee, enjoy the heater sound.  09:58, should be getting a call soon.  Connected to two recruiters, actually three technically I think, yesterday.  Just remembered this one connection I had wrote him a quick note and there I was in an email thread.

……..

11:49.  How did that happen?  My energy is HIGH today.  Completing two large tasks, and now and now only having time to enjoy the jazz and write a bit.  Leaving for VV at 16:30 or :45.

The day is promising and rich with intrigue…. Blank page.  Write, just write.  Record everything, see everything as a window and door and Road to ride.  Potential and discovery, potential for more discovery.  It is inexhaustible.  Every turn and sight is a magnet for you, some reward, a ladder.  Be addicted to positive self-talk and notes, inner-narration of love and strength.  Free yourself to new flight…

Something I had to write.  To mySELF.  BED journal about to be touched, will try to FaceTime kids, see how their vacation with their mother is going.  Couple more to-do’s first.  Will make a sandwich for lunch, quick and no cost, then come back down here.  Cloudy outside, no mood to run.  Shit…. I have to change that way about me, for sure.

Call was amazing.  Honestly a bit speechless.  Can’t over-rely on it, or any one lead though, I won’t let myself do that.  Been burned before, and never again.  Took a survey earlier, on my character, and I was expecting the “results”, which are more insights, to be useful and frankly fascinating.  Told the Nurse, and my production for the day continues with its animal-like charge.

Do I want to get out of the house for lunch?  Not sure.  Shit… I really should eat here.  But…..  Getting out of the house is always helpful.  That’s what I’m doing, gift to self.  I deserve it.

12:33, rising and leaving.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness LOVE!!!!! Productivity

At desk with espresso.  No more Nook working or writing, new rule about me.  I need to be in the OFFICE. 

That is where work is to be done.  Kick ass the Nurse told me, regarding today.  Trying, just getting started.  Running later, hell or high water.  Never got that expression, but there I put it to use.

Month closing and I’m in a bit of a panic, I’ll be honest.  Don’t panic.  Be calm, Composition and character… Like JO said, I am in control, I have the ‘power’ here.  The past few days with the Nurse, flying past me.  Nothing I can do about it, certainly can’t stop it or freeze it as I wish were able with her.  Just accept it, like the Nurse said.

08:57… time for Opening meeting with Self, as I’d do with the MSP team members.  Today…. FSA follow-up, call one of the kids’ counselors, something else I don’t want to do and then try to prospect new leads.  One lead, considering dead.  Time to put myself out there in more ways, differently.

Idea hits me.  Get coffee in kitchen then back down.  Make something happen, TO.DAY.

Teaching myself to calm down, there are things out of my control in this search which is nearly everything.  So, take a breath…

Finish espresso, have something written in BED journal within the next hour, even if just a sentence.  Seeing this as more of an adventure, write my way through and out of it.  That is the only way.

Sent two messages, looking for other.  Thinking outside and far away from any boxes.  Scolding myself for taking that MSP office on, but what will that do.  Why.  Move on.  Here you are, and think of the opportunity this presents.  Starting over, but not.  I may never get a chance like this again, now that I think about it.  Teach yourself…

Write through and out of it.  Nurse messages me, and I’m on fire.  Determined to kill this attitude and this search.

Learning from this, and teach self.  A self-instructing circle and architecture.  Belief in it, FAITH.  In me, nothing wrong with that.  I am going to make mammoth progress today, as I did yesterday.  Today, I will all but kill this search.

Thought of making myself a business card, but no.  No need.  Remember things the Nurse and I said to each other last night before bed, out future, travel, smiling and joking, kissing then sleep.  Can’t believe this is happening to me, and the kids, with her.  Like it’s someone else’s life, but definitively not.  This is my circumstance, set of…. So grateful.  So much peace in my Now.

I hope some people are reading, and are furious and miserable with the heigh of my love and happiness and peace, my Mental Health.  I truly do.  Why, so maybe they can allow themselves the same and move on.

This cup, from the MSP when I started… YES.  MY adventure is only now, NOW, starting.  Wheels up, and flight.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness LOVE!!!!! Productivity

08:29 with Nurse at her CPA appt, typing in lobby.  Can’t get onto wifi, CPA won’t  let me the lady said.  “Privacy issues,” she said simply.

Sipping latte and doing what I can in the search.  Not rushing into anything, and not letting self panic.  Although it’s hard I’ll admit.

…

Broaden search, across other verticals.  Forgetting about some of the past leads.

Lady offers me a wheel-in table for me to work on.  I tell her I’m fine, typing as I am.

Couple of budget moves, small.  I’m getting everything settled today.  The work search, where I land, and I will land today.  Somewhere.  Find some assignment.  This is getting ridiculous and I am getting fed the fuck up.  This shit, at my age.  That goddamn MSP.

Can’t blame them.  Maybe partially, but not entirely.  The Blog Design Tech idea, building that.  Not sure when I’ll be back in Sonoma County.  Another appointment on this side of the mountain, at 11:00….  Feeling my frustration build, and my anxiety with this situation.

Have to keep Composition.  Stop typing, get on LinkedIN, post something, message someone.

Following up on a couple leads, designing a course, making material out of this work search situation.  Notice I don’t write “job search”.  Refuse to. I want to work, but I am DONE with jobs, the obligatory garbage….

(NOTE TO SELF)

New week, new story and Beat.

New sights and inner lights.

Rewrite, never late for a revisit to the drawing board.

This week is going to bring new understanding and Roads…

Be a fan of yourself, cheer on your role and story.

…..

Been back at the villa for a bit now.  Working at the Nurse’s desk, being taught by the morning and the Nurse, her generosity and encouragement, letting me work here, he hugs and kisses before her drive to an appointment.  Learning gratitude, and teaching it to ME.

ME – professor and student.  More a student.  Refuse to stop learning about me, and my character, thinking momentums.  Where I focus, when I self-doubt and why I do that so often, sometimes.

New beginning for this writer and teacher.  TEACHER…. Need to keep telling myself that.  Start with self.  Teach self to teach and write, plan, read and react again.  This will be the last time in my life, MY story, I have to do this.

Could use coffee… will make a cup, my last for the day.  Still feel the 4-shot latte a bit.  Stay where you are I say to myself, or don’t.  Just decide. Okay then, coffee.  Sorry you have to read this circling, reader.  But this is me where I am, NOW.  In this situation and work search.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!!

Finally got small latte and little bite, egg and cheese sandwich on some sort of weird, nutty bread. 

Not my favorite but I needed something.  Checking in with Nurse at 11:30 to see where she is in day.  She may not be able to take a lunch she tells me, only able to nosh something at desk, or in her ‘bay’ as she calls it, her area..

Be more generous in my writings, after reading the day’s prompt in BED journal.  In all manners and congealed or sovereign efforts.  More selfless as well I’d venture to say.  Focus less on me, and more on readers and their lives, what I learn.  Share more.  Make louder efforts to help, to make people happy.  Where I am right now… just over the overpass from the Nurse, standing by to see if I can help her in her workday.

Wishing anyone following or friends with me on Facebook a Happy St. Patrick’s Day and Sunday Funday, pic of me smiling.  Trying to put as much positivity and love and anything that would make one smile into the world…

Enough of this negative shit, from me or anyone else.  NO.FUCKING.MORE.

Well over a thousand words for the day.  Want to finish the BED page for day.  This little latte, making me smile, knowing the Nurse is close, and I am here in this Peet’s store because I know HER.

And, I’m not at that fucking disgusting shit-wheel MSP.  I am FREE.  More of the #professormikey utterances.  No fear, ever.  Like Tupac said in one of his latter interviews, I have no fear… I only have ambition and I will do anything to protect and feed my family.”

That is me know.  While still being selfless and doing what I can for any reader.

10:54….  I am making use of this day.  But more than that, I am collaborating with it.  She is kind to me, generous.