Tag: Mike Madigan blogger

Categories
Health/Wellness

Not sure how many people I’m going to get ahold of this week.

……..

Some people in department already on vacation.  AE friend David in the desert or something, and I’m not sure about the others…

People talking in hallway, distracting me a bit but I’m allowing that.  I allow all of it, anything that encumbers or obstructs…. The mood itself is conceptual, actualized only by me.  Think I get it now.

Outside feeling much like November, which I LOVE.  My favorite month—  Just had a thought of sandbagging this next impressive sale till December, then take vacation days before xmas… go to Tahoe— Wait what?  In that piece of shit Prius?  No.  Okay… then Monterey.  Much more doable.  Miss that little town, the restaurants and bar at Plaza.  Definitely a possibility… looking at room prices now…

When this all first happened someone recommend I take a trip by myself, think I wrote that somewhere here on blog.  Now, I’m set to progress in the idea.  Maybe Santa Cruz.  Hmmm…..

I am made and remade continually, Virginia Woolf said.  Totally feel this, this morning.  Remaking myself to just get on the phone and cold-call, much I don’t fucking want to.  Looking at word count of this doc… 301k.  At 21’s start I promised the average of 1000 words a day.  Little behind…. Can catch up.  Log every goddamn thought and post to blog regardless of potential for fallout.  

This will impact certain relationships with characters, the conversation with them.  But I can’t allow self to care.  It’s all about the work, the words, the self-exploration and making this AE story the Bottledaux story… the new Mike Madigan story.  That’s where my focus is… About EVERYTHING for this story, for the work, the blog and the resulting company.

Drafting letter to students…. Looking in email for any lead….  Found one, but already touched that one.  Okay… so now what.

The latte is fucking strong, oh my god.  Should I dump out the rest?  No… embrace it, partner with it.  It’s a love storm, an encourager.  More communicative than others, that’s for sure.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Pretty sure I have a mild cold, but using past.

In office, 4-shot latte needed and some Tycho to relax me a bit.  Communicating pricing to a prospect in a bit, but want to hear from SE first.

Sending out email to students, closing the semester in effect.  Then, all focus on 2022, Bottledaux, #prospectesk, #bloggerrattik, etc….  EVERYTHING.

Was in a mood but now calming, leveling… emailed Director Mark and now combing through leads, old ones and potential new ones.  The only topic being scribbled on and toward in AE Notebook 1.

Messaged friend in HR to see if we have Friday off.  Pretty sure we do….

Friend walks by, throws peace sign.  9:07.

We do have Friday off.  Awesome…. Can use beginning part of day to online xmas shop and rest and write before the kids are picked up.  My weekend coming up, and I can hardly wait… feel like I haven’t seen them in years.  Seriously feels like years, no joke.  Focusing on them today, the whole day, till this fog is gone… this mood muck ‘caused only be me and letting some people and their voices in my circulation and synaptic reaction.

Internal roister, encouraging self.  Snap out of it, Mikey…

Snapping, singing, seeing.

Categories
just writing

this morning

Lights off in TR, just day’s brightness through window opening up room and day.  Listening to Emancipator, but even these tracks I feel I’ve heard too many times.  Goddamnit… the same is happening with music as wine.  BOREDOM.  Or complacency, stagnant mind and feel.

Noticing some characters changing, which only shoves me more forcefully and lovingly to be FREE in these types and entries…. HAPPINESS, the definition and embodiment.  Everything becomes univocal.  EVERYTHING.

…..

Want to taste through each wine in this tasting room, write more about wine.  Always say that, but force self down a wined not so much rabbit hole but creative fall (which is more a rise than a fall).  The industry… this is not ‘industry’, what I do on the weekends here at Chris’ place.  This is eagerness to be around wine, that’s it.  Yes I enjoy selling, but it’s not the nexus of my purpose, here or with anything pertaining to vino.  Sipping the latte I see the vineyards I saw driving here on Kunde’s property and in Glen Ellen around where BR Cohn is.  MY wine story and past revisits… again and again and aggrandizes.

Wonder if my Kamen friends are next-door yet.  Probably not.  10:24, still a little early.  I’ll clock in at 10:30, but everything out – tables and chairs – then taste through flight.

……..

Cancelling on 11/30.

LoFi beats now… relax Mikey.  This is what happens when you have too much caffeine…

…..

10:55 should open door soon, or now, get some air from the Square and let the day start.  Start with the story, the day’s story, these LoFi tracks I have playing trying to relax self and not be so tense and intense and stressed about matters and things and people I can’t control.  I don’t want to “control” anything, honestly.  Just the lines on this page, this screen.  If I can even do that.

Pretending this is my winery.  Done it before but not like today.  I mean, I’m not going to tell people this is my label, but act like it.  Should taste through what’s not he flight, then take notes… have something new for this day to say.  Okay.. I’m a winemaker, winery owner.  I need to do this more, pretend like my daughter does when she plays having full on conversations with toys and beings that aren’t there…

Categories
just writing

Now what.  Posted to blog, and I’m in the nook…. thinking about the kids and how much I miss them and them working at a business of mine someday.  Did I forget to log something into Quicken yesterday?  Don’t think so…. OH WAIT, gas at the College station.  Shit… will do later, take receipt out of wallet and put on table how exciting.

Oh, I guess technically it’s on Mendo’, okay….  Tired still, even after the long shower and small sips of the espresso.  Don’t think I posted it to blog yesterday but I better not be coming down with a cold, or flu, or covid, ANYTHING.  Don’t have time.

So quiet in here.  Thinking of going to Sonoma early, writing at Peet’s and if it’s crowded then just go to the TR early.  Difference, I remind myself.  Do everything different.  Starting with today.  So then, NO.  No leaving early.  Look for more houses…

But I’m exhausted from the search, not feeling the excitement today.  At all.

……..

Not sure how I arrived there, but I need freedom.  MORE freedom.  In thought, in communication and certain negotiations… when writing, journaling, building business and prospecting new accounts.

That one semester years ago where I lectured on HST’s Fear & Loathing aside other books and the dominant idea was FREEDOM, for all 18 weeks of the term.  That’s my return, that’s my NOW, here in this nook and in my newly laced and noted humor and comedic consideration of my experience and life… Anything can be found funny, and all this shit is funny to me.  At least it is this morning…

Why don’t I have a latte machine here?  Is there a such thing?  Oh, I guess I could make one with the Nespresso, right?  Yeah, but I’m too lazy.  Sticking to straight espresso…. Why am I gong on like this about caffeine and some machine that may not even exist even though I just acknowledged it does.  Why am I sounding so loopy this morning?  Do I have covid?

Categories
Health/Wellness

After Quicken meeting with Dad yesterday going for a drive stopping nowhere.

Thought about maybe getting a glass at Tips or Palooza, but didn’t want to be around humans, hear voices, have to sit uncomfortably close to someone I don’t know and then possibly worse having to talk.  So I just drove, having a glass of J Pinot Gris when finally back in Skyhawk.

Tasting room today, no messaging back certain people.  Want quiet, focus, maybe this is a mood but I don’t think so.  It’s me deciding there needs to be adjustments and as the Enterprise Sales Director says ‘calibrations’.  What those are exactly, to be determined.  No Starbucks this morning, one.  Radio silence, another… then what.  Close up semester, just close it.  Be done with it, and SRJC.  Do miss the classroom, but there weren’t any sections for me to teach anyway.  And how long should I be expect to wait and chase sections?

Onward, much onward.  Didn’t shave.  Not in the mood.  So this is me this morning, edgy, snappy, impatient.  Wondering when a Skyhawk house is going on market… or that one part of Windsor.  Be patient, be patient…. Yeah I get it.  Fuck.

Categories
autre

Leaving.  Antsy, wanting the house NOW.  Patience, I keep hearing that fucking word.

I HATE that word.  But I know it need be exercised and put into practice.  Okay…

Back from bank.  Sparkling water, looking at more houses.

Now espresso.  Inviting and enacting more whim, less measure and method… metic of meta-type thinking, but also…. The moment you’r din being art, story, content, growth ladder or magnet, something like that….

What do I want to do today, what else.  I keep asking myself this, over and over and…..

Categories
just writing

Bulb On All The Way

Didn’t hit 3000 words yesterday.  Now in nook with espresso and thoughts about this entire day, to myself…. Looking at houses, moving money around for house.  Finish an essay, post to blog or….. I need to change some facets of my written form, I know.

7:41.  Earlier than I thought I’d be up.  Tired last night and not sure why.  Maybe ‘cause I didn’t answer the tempt to nap that I felt in later afternoon after company meeting.  Distracted by phone so I put it down.  What can I get done today….. what can I do different…?  Work at a Starbucks later like it were a weekday.  Okay… and work on what..?  Not writing here, more OFFBLOG notes.

About a thousand or so past budget for one project, I think.  Startup mode…. Where’s the Paris journal?  In backpack.  Take out, use new pen my realtor gave me, write plan.  Put more cash in safe…. The house I find and secure will be the startup hub for BDX.  The garage, or small office.  I have kids so I fear the garage could be a dangerous space to have sensitive documents or any equipment.  So no, one of the three rooms.

Would love a nook like this in the new house but odds are greater such won’t happen than will.  That’s fine.  A kitchen counter like the one here, or table, or island counter will more than do.

Distracted again, posting a couple suggestions reminding people of the #professormikey brand and BDX.

Distracted again, remembering I needed to get back to a student about a grade update.  Learned yesterday that when I leave the JC I get NO payout from sick or vacation time.  Actually I think she told me faculty get no vacation?  Or adjuncts don’t?  Is that right? Seriously, I’m done.  Focusing on MY business…. #professormikey needs more love, more attention and development.  More people call me that than my name of just Mike, so…. That says something to me.  Says several things to me, not just one voice or point.

I stop typing then tell myself to get back to it, like a mean and asshole-ish manager in a tasting room.  Huh, wonder who I could be talking about….  Write about it all.  Sunriver, the mornings there and how I’d type on that couch.  All these conversations, business and other…. Getting in front of the camera more, more filming, more media.  BDX being as much a media company as a publishing body. Again, ‘About EVERYTHING’.

Lights, illumination, on all the way – I SEE, EVERYTHING.  The Kerouac quote of the blank page and being able to do whatever you want.  8:04, espresso still in little red cup but not for long.  Texting Taryn, seeing if we’re still on for 3:30 to celebrate her new assignment.  Makes me want to go back to wine, or stay part-time like I am now but with more intensity.. then why not do it?  Ten posts, to #vinovinevin, today.  On anything.  Writing, pictures, media, whatever…. But back to her and her new gig, for Wilson’s book…. On list for day, BUY WINE.  Bottle Barn, no one winery.

Posted to vvv blog, something quick.  I’m more than merely motivated this morning.  It’s something else.  It’s eagerness or hunger, or maybe fear of not getting something done before leaving the planet.  I don’t know.  Don’t need to know…

Starbucks.  Get something for self and parents, why not.  Some breakfast whatever’s…   Immediately I’m pushed by the insistence of kindness, to commit and commit TO nice and loving acts for those showing me the same.  So, up and go…

…..

Back with breakfast for them, latte for me.  8:45.  Quick poem, done.  Need another journal I thought for poetry but then cleaning out the file box I brought over from the other house I found pages devoted ONLY to verse.  More poetry, I tell self.  And angrily.  Forcefully.  What happened to you?

Morning, perfect.  More than just “beautiful out”.  Today is promising me something, many things.  All poetic, all music, all MINE.

No tasting today with Chris, his mother in town.  No plans with other characters, so all me.  This entire day.  Wow, I say to self, when was the last….

Nothing to write, nothing to record.  Looking at houses and nothing, and I mean, really, NOTHING, grabbing me or even speaking softly.  Text real estate agent, and wait.  Latte waking me more than I already was.  Time to address money moment, pay one bill, then another…. Learn to cook, I note in Paris journal as I did the 1948 pages.  In this new life, COOK MORE. Anything.  PB&J, quesadillas, sandwiches, anything… avoid those heft restaurant checks and charges.  Headed into room to count.  Bring journal.  Sip latte first.  Maybe one more short poem.  Five lines…

……..

Cash counted, headed to bank.  9:53.  My only aim is the house.  MY, house.  MY. Office.  Where the real story leaves the ground for indefinite flight.

“Sunset, 4:55…” Dad says.  “Today?” I say.  “Today, that is correct sir…” He adds.  It’s the time of year where Fall dominates everything.  Mood and movement, sentences and sensibilities.  Putting off getting in car and depositing all these bills, why.  No idea.  Thoughts of wine again, selling, pouring my wines in other states, telling stories, the kids helping.

Categories
Health/Wellness

3:31pm, need to get kids soon.

Big kids that is, little Henry staying with his mama having his little cold.

Stayed in for lunch.  Diet Coke now.  Recently started with them again.  Blame my attorney, with that goddamn fridge in the lobby and how she’s always sipping one when I visit.  And I say that humorously and with profuse affection as I’m the one who asked her for the first and afterward joked asking if she’d charge me for it.  Of course she didn’t so now we share the affinity.  

Glad I stayed in, didn’t spend money.  Money I would have spent put somewhere, toward house or wine business idea.

Day hovers with me, looks at me, assures me of the latter hours.  With the kids and after they’re picked up.  Back in this nook.  This new office space, I’m obsessed with it.  Need one identical in the new house.  Talking with my agent here just a couple hours ago has me even more hooked with the idea of properties, starting with this one and soon paying it off with BDX capital then getting another home in Santa Cruz.  Master plan if you would, for me and the babies.. business, family, HAPPINESS and principle mental…

Categories
Health/Wellness

More searching. Hungry, may get breakfast. Like what.

Startup… blog.. people… the kids… wine.  Everything yes connecting but more communicating with the neighboring idea.

Promising self a full written, HAND-WRITTEN, page today.  Paris journal.

Change in pocket.  From what.  Oh yeah, the latte.  How many more sips.  Maybe one, two…. Take one sip, then another.  It’s still alive.

Checking emails, one I missed.  Why others can’t respond to a simple email is funny and maddening, to me anyway.  What they think I couldn’t care less.  Enough of the nihilists.

11:20, and….?  I can’t write a fucking thing.  WHY.  Thinking too much, or just the act of thinking.  Why do I always do that?

Categories
Health/Wellness

Writing break, sending notes to…..

More prospecting done than I thought I’d have logged for morning.  Meeting at 1.  Latte beginning to kick in.

Change in one intention, just a slight to-the-side step.  Nothing significant, or maybe it is since I put it in a post… in any event….

Appointment set for tomorrow with Engineer and new business owned by a new friend.  Now tired.  Want to take a nap.  It’s past 11 though and I have a meeting at 1 here at the house so…. no.  Keep pounding the caffeine.

Get up, stretch.  Count money in wallet.  Check messages.  And then…