Oh, and espresso. Seeing the kids last night and their excitement being here, especially little Emma pretending to be some business boss in Dan’s office, then Jack with his homework assignment where he’s to design a city in relation to and incorporating geometric shapes. Henry, just running everywhere making sounds and laughing. Aside from recognizing time and its cruel swiftness, I felt a new intensity of happiness and freedom. No definition yet though it aligns with the definition of happiness I’ve been keeping, building.
Yesterday with the associate AE’s…. Consolidating all AE writings. Remembering what I told them. Going out into the Field tomorrow with AE buddy David and passing out cards and whatever else. Be more playful, like the kids… that’s what attracts opportunity. Other matters on mind but trying to dismiss or at least distract from them.
Trip to the coast by myself, possibly next weekend. What I do out there… WRITE. Run. My 5k yesterday primed me properly, I hope, for the speed work I want to do at the gym. And, I don’t have to wear a mask anymore with the indoor mandate going the way of an extinct animal. Or do I want to go outside again. Overthinking… though I think it’s not a good thing necessarily the thoughts entailed are sending me to valuable places.
Finding happiness and peace right where I am, in this Nook. Ignoring the receipts, and other realities. The story of the winemaker…. Trying to find some perfect blend. A runner, looking for the perfect trail route, or street course, somewhere. Sometimes I think perfection isn’t possible and certainly not tangibly attainable, but something to entertain. What would it feel like, what would the trek there feel like?
Ditch any ideas of perfection, I tell myself. The imperfections are what hold magic and value. Get out there and try EVERYTHING – with running, writing, business, blogging, the AE story, wine… all of it. Will need more espresso to follow this thought path. Bigger questions, bigger explorations, hopefully more encompassing solutions.
Peace, and accepting it. All of it. The only way to understand myself at this stage and age, in this new living way. The more you fight or fixate, the more pain. I get it now. Man, all the me’s before this entry were stupid. But not this one, not the 2/17/22 model, thank goodness.
One minute after 9. Can wait to be at the gym. Seriously. What am I going to do for the next 59 goddamn minutes, sit here and think about life and being in sales for an internet company and how I had to take the day off today for bloody…. Run. In your head. Wherever you want. Bodega again, here in Skyhawk like yesterday… Yosemite, Yellowstone, Monterey, Santa Cruz, Gualala. Anywhere.
Might go earlier than I thought. In fact, yes. After I post this, I’m putting on my running Self, and driving down the hill. Today is going to be beatific, and nothing’s allowed to interfere with it. NOTHING.