Tag: Muscle

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y

3-2-24

08:09

AE mentality this morning.  Work week behind me, but thoughts won’t stop revolving and cartwheeling.

Everything is purposeful, I remind myself.  The story shapes as it does with warrant, and I might not be privy to it.

Henry still asleep, needing more rest I guess ‘cause of him growing, or something.  Maybe he’s just one of those sleepers that, well, sleeps.  Deeply, and a LOT.

Not much to write this morning.  Just drink more coffee I say to myself.

No baseball with Jackie today, it seems.  Not sure about tomorrow, but…

Stress overtakes me a bit.  Then calm, momentary.  Plan for day, not one at the moment.  I change a couple things on profile, LinkedIN, and positioning myself slowly to empty the dishwasher, vacuum loft floor, put the rest of the laundry away.  Really exciting shit.

This is an opportunity, a time to collect and frankly invest in my Now.  What I want to do, where I want to go as a writer and creator, sales bloke even.   Coffee falling from Keurig, still feel the espresso so I should be good after this.

The world around me now is watching, encouraging, providing all the notes needed.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! wine

Making this MY month.  On a number of levels.  Meeting at 10:30, sweet texts from the Nurse,

looking at the prompt in the journal she bought me.  If my mood was a weather forecast, what would it be….  Well, yesterday and today you get two drastically contrasted answers.  Today… sun.  Cooler temps, slight gusts like the ones you’d feel at Doran beach, or in Jenner.

Everything needs to be posted and recorded…. My position, possibly more favorable than estimated.  Saving that for the book.  And no, I did not get up at 04:45 as planned.  Shocker.  Slept on the couch, letting Jack have my bed since he didn’t feel good, and I didn’t want to sleep in his bed ‘cause I don’t want to get sick so…. Couch for the writing dad.

Sipping latte, starting day’s page and thinking what I do after that.  Wine and other content… following my own advice in a video I just shot (and I need to do that more, be in front of the camera and SPEAK), to just write.  Stop thinking so goddamn much.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Me, Wine Industry parenting life photog Productivity Readings/Writings sales-y wine

2-28-24

Desk office home working.  Not in much mood for breaks, punctuation.  Doubting self, and trying to stop.  Meeting set for Friday, see how that goes.  In a phase and somewhat haze of reinvention.  Avoiding looking at budget, so just putting myself in the mind of having nothing.

Write till I figure it out, the entire story, till my last day here.  Plenty for lunch so no need to go out.  Meeting with old AE friend the other day, advice from Nurse and one friend, then another.  Writer all feelings.. everything.  Wanting a house, renting or selling the loft within the next 3-5 years.  Maybe less.  Wednesday… mid-week, mid-shift or beginning.  Emulating the Nurse, what she does and how she acts – the simplicity and never an overcomplicated step or project.

…

Challenges only offer invitation for growth, and ascension, elevation.  More SELF – Not stopping.  Can’t afford to.  Feeling my writing beat and tone, sight, all my Composition of character and integral ingredients and components change.  Only for the better.

Me, here in office beaming in new opportunity.  Any opposition is greeted and welcomed then airily overcome.

That simple.

Onto another project, another story.  Reaction is minimal.  Not ‘cause I don’t care, but from emotion not being permitted any compilation.  None.  I stop it where it is.  Only happiness and gratitude permitted to sprout.

Nearly took an early nap but the Story wouldn’t let me.  I, wouldn’t let me.  I’m moving, with the Music of the apparent day.  Happiness now, and wherever whenever.

Writing notes, to self, any would-be page skimmer.  “The day forwards and I with it.  Shine, receive, pages and poems, new songs that will see the sky soon…” Tidying up mind then getting out, going for a drive, something.  Still early in the day, plenty of time but not.  Not taking time for granted or even acknowledging it.  Living like life is about to sign me out.

KNOW – This has only galvanized my sight.  More alive than EVER.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness LOVE!!!!! wine

Five miles…. Satisfied.  Feeling better today, and more sharp and set on finding a new story. 

No elaboration here.  Looking through notes, old entries of when in the wine industry, then some from Sonic when my SE Ditter and I would drive to Berkeley and talk to prospects about fiber-optics and hosted voice solutions, firewalls and access points.  During covid and before.

Like the Nurse said earlier when we were having coffee, time just went by like it was a dream, or quick idea and here you are.  She telling me her story again about how she became a Nurse, all the stakes, what she was fighting for… will let her divulge detail if she ever wishes to in her writings, and she ever is compelled to put it to page.

Dinner in Winters tonight, little surprise from her.  Excited for the new restaurant.. can’t remember the name but it’s Italian, so the wine list should be engaging.  Then I start thinking about this return I want to make to the wine industry…. How, I just need to force it to happen.

Write about anything and EVERYTHING wine and wine business, industry, location and valley and site.  I need to be more consistent, I wrote in the journal the Nurse bought me recently.  She bought one for herself to log certain ideas and discoveries on certain journeys…. Any event, EVERYTHING about wine needs to be logged, then go past it and beyond it, distant, then slowly return.

The other day at St. Francis walking the vineyard with Mom and Dad the Nurse and I did, then inside to do some tasting…

Would write more, but need to ready for night.  I’m n to writing enough, I know.  Full day of work and emails and content and who knows what else tomorrow… feeling a bit scattered and inconsistent.  SHIT—

In the Nurse’s room while she’s away at her appt…. Leaving keys, heading to thoughts, images, notes and dreams of a vineyard.  Why do I get fucking distracted?  Well, easy… MONEY.

Seriously, what is wrong with me right now?  Why can’t I focus?  Lot going on… calm, Composition, Character…. Everything is in its right place.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Me, Wine Industry parenting life Productivity wine

2-25-24

Better Together blend from Caddis, paired with a Pop Tart.  Cherry.  Yes, a Pop Tart.  Just off the phone, FaceTime with kids, facing what reactions be, and Nurse and I stubborn and set and grateful for our weekend’s Happy.

Everything with her is better.  Galactically, only way I can describe it.  18:55… Nurse next to me with her joke and comments and her smiles and I canNOT get enough.  The Negative notes and ebbs continue but will always fail and flail.

Bridgerton tonight with the Nurse, 2nd season.. I’m more writer than I’ve ever been and with a sharp and fanged, aggressive confidence that I’ve never had but what—  Me here knowing I’m getting everything I want and need for my family.. Henry seeing me on screen, and Fig our cat, asking me where the Nurse is…

Everything is how it should be.  So many of these attempting traps.. they won’t work.  Our love and happiness is Impenetrable. 

I need to be more like Fig the cat.. careless and playful, no overthought, and nothing too deep in any net.  I will not be trapped, by ANYTHING.

This happiness, intensity of, in— timely.  Day, beaming in assurance and notes. 

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Productivity Readings/Writings

11:43… break soon.  Rest of the day, the most open of books.  Input notes for client, may need a power nap.

Today teaching me something new, about my own mental health and what I give my worry to, which should be fucking NOTHING.

Mental Health, happiness, and HEALTH… my topic.  Forget anything else.  I don’t have my health, or happiness and being in the best mental space for my kids and the Nurse, then what do I have?

Not a drop of worry or angst in my circulation.

Thinking about taking myself out to lunch…should I?

////////

14:28, good call with a client, and my energy rises significantly.  No music, just the heater’s soft roar, little and easing.  Brainstorming moves, work and career, projects.  The day’s remainder is written, catching 3 sizable breaks and cosmic intervention and assistance.  I’ll take it.

Planning career contour… what do I want to see take place and how do I get there.  Easy questions, Road challenging.  GOOD.  Welcoming the push-back.

Education, journaling mental health findings, not so much tips, just things that work for me.  Share, show, LIVE.

Daughter will want to use my office tonight, as she has been lately.  Moving everything to loft/kitchen nook soon.  Keep moving.  Keep thinking… exactly what do I want.  Photography, writing, blogging, designing… mild tech.  Need some air, haven’t been out of the house yet.

You’re doing it, you are.  Whether you know it or not, you are.  Getting closer to that Equilibrium, the place where you are in your position of positions, story of stories, role of roles.  You are moving closer, but only if you are moving.  The power you have is indisputable.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! wine

I know what I’m to do, and I WILL execute.  07:46.  Happy I got off the couch, decided to open the laptop.  Messaged the Nurse, feel a little better.

Not sure I’m posting any of this to BDX.  Getting in shower soon, coffee is lovely, talking to me.  Relaxing me and saying no to worry, everything will work out.  Like the Nurse said, the give and the take, the oppositional forces, something like that.

Forgot a friend last night sent me a lead.  Following up in a bit….  Think I have to stay on one Road.  Yes, the story of stories for me.

Prepping on doc, then another.  Not looking back, at all.

SENT.

No second-guessing or self-sabotage as I at times do.  Thinking of the call with my uncle the other night, touching on several points so relevant and needed.  Seeing that I allow things to happen, I don’t exercise my power enough.  So true.  SO.fucking.true.

Change implemented, just now.  In my attitude and behavior.

FUCK… 08:00.  Should get in the shower, but what if I didn’t.  What if I treated myself to another 15 minutes of writing and maybe another coffee.  What the fuck would happen?  Exactly…

Love this side of me, the one sure and strong, confident and immovable.

08:13… nerves everywhere.  Appointment in Sonoma cancels.  Shit… guy had significant damage to his house, he says.  Feel terrible, and angry at myself for complaining about the shit I do.  I’m comfortable and safe, no damage to this condo.  And I’m in a mood??

Mikey, snap the fuck out of it.  STRENGTH… have the whole day.  Decide and dominate it.

The Nurse, a source of strength and confidence, conviction and Composition that I have NEVER known.  So.fucking.GRATEFUL.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!!

2-19-24 ##### Woke up feeling sluggish, unmotivated a bit.  Done with espresso and now

about to swim in coffee.  President’s Day I think is today, right?  Is that why the kids don’t have school?

Fasting hard till 12 or later.  Lifting weights for workout.  Was going to do a rain run, but no… want more muscle, strength about me.  Physically, and mental.

Thinking about the Nurse… day ahead of me.  She should be here around 15:00 I think, something like that.  Trying to stay focused on the MSP story, and honestly find the comedy in the way some people are.  Just… I’ll leave it there.

Working in Nook till after the kids are picked up.  Writer and professor, what I keep echoing to myself.. like I’m back in Mr. Sullivan’s Creative Writing class in 1997 telling everyone including him that I know what I want to do for a career.

I was taken off that path and that path wasn’t what I thought it’d be, the professor portion, and that’s okay.  I’m reconnecting with a younger me… one more optimistic and who’d survived something.  The talk with Uncle Stevie the other night snapped somethings into better assembly.

And away I go…

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Me, Wine Industry parenting life photog Readings/Writings sales-y wine

Evening thoughts.  Poe mode and Road.  I know this isn’t forever, this contentment, this placid

paragraph and room.  So what does the writer do but stop, see all around the table – walls, the kids, the quiet.  No rain now, just thoughts.  Keeping most to myself, or not … telling EVERYTHING to the Nurse.

Tried a mew wine recently, and it reminded me of my first wine days.  The first in a tasting room.  No St. Francis, but whatever came after.  Think it was called Alderbrook, a winery that failed horribly in Dry Creek under the “leadership” of the Terlato family.  The wine isn’t the same quality or voice, just reminds me of ME and how eager I was to explore and learn and write about everything.  Not tasting wines or going to those ridiculous events that accomplish fucking nothing, but the freedom.. Writing, notes, looking around and seeing reactions, overhearing conversations.

21:45….. No school for my wee Beats tomorrow.  So no rush to get to bed, but still should start motioning for the rooms respective.

Big day today… will cover in book.  Kids going to Nurse’s after harsh resistance and then being more than happy they did, talking the whole drive over and betting if they’d see Figgy the cat.  He doesn’t like people and hides when anyone comes over.

Tired…. Needing bed myself soon, more than the kids maybe, even.  Listening to inner words and paragraph projections.  Tomorrow, Monday, and it doesn’t land as it does with others.  New Rue, no more morgue, only life… the Sonnet to Science, Annabel Lee… Me, FREE—

The Nurse and I, a story new and one constructing new consciousness, new Composition.  I am invincible I feel at this nook table.

Telling myself to fixate on nothing but the Nurse, my love for her, and the story ahead and already here.  She makes everything “better”…. Me, my writing, life, the day, night, dreams.. all of it.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! Productivity

Feeling poetry-y this morning thinking about the Nurse and dreams of being in the classroom

again but not grading papers, not telling the students to write this way – THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE A FUCKING ESSAY.

What?

How do you know?

Where is that written?

Always thought the course outlines were such a fucking joke.  Think I’ve found a writing direction… reacting to my years teaching at the community college— I’m sorry, colleGES as they kept me a fucking adjunct no matter how many times I applied.

Loved the students, miss our conversations on Kerouac and Langston Hughes, Sylvia Plath… any author.  Promising myself to read today, at least an hour, AT LEAST.  Want to re-visit The Alchemist but can’t find my copy.  So then, Lawson.  I’ll start with her, read it quick… book club of one.

Hmmm, there’s an idea.

10:14, could have wagered it were later.  Sipping coffee slow, looking through journal entries again.  Where do I go from this sitting, these words this morning, this coffee, last night with the Nurse and her driving the big kids to the loft.  She told me about their conversations and how it was nonstop, even approaching her about topics of gravity, that most kids would only go to a parent for.

Interesting.  Assuredly tells me something.