Couple emails to answer but haven’t touched them. Call at one with Sales Engineer and prospect, this one I’m not so hopeful.
Consistent characters lining different reactions for some reason. Can’t explain it, and not sure how to gauge it. Just lay low, I suggest to self.
Quiet morning, and don’t plan on writing as much initially as I did yesterday. The nerves stay put… meeting at 3:30, the recurring one I deplore. Jackie’s baseball game… no game on Saturday thankfully so we can have an eased and enjoyable morning and day. My birthday Sunday which I keep forgetting. Why is that. Seriously it’s not even a priority or registering.
No mood for the AE pages, at all. Email lands, even less mood. Take me back to Maui… that waterfall I’d listen to while writing, sipping latte and sparkling water.
Taking self away from this desk…. Vineyard, travel, writing, coming back with presents for the kids, and stories like Dad’s yesterday over a beer about “The Flight to Raz”, about when all the instruments went dead and there was no contact with ATC and he and the captain had to rely on their basic training. Maybe not that intense, but still rich stories for the kids.
Thinking about them all day yesterday and this morning, now typing… they’re getting bigger, older, more aware of everything. Nothing I can. And I shouldn’t think that way, I should celebrate my healthy babies. Jack’s game today…. Emma with me and I know she’ll want to play on that playground in right field as she always requests. Their wants and attentions are enviable, seriously. So simple, innocent, no contamination.
Sent one email… already feel like I need more coffee, I mean espresso. I’ll make coffee in a minute. Trying to change the shape and hue of my perception and attitude. Harder than it sounds. Or maybe it’s not.
Thinking about too much. How do you get tot he point of not giving as many fucks as you should or need to? Sent another email, and I’m bored…. How to light up day, the question as well as statement, thesis.
Looking around this office, feeling a direct dose of gratitude and humility. All the good and positive in my story, and it’s a lot. Paramount being the babies, next my health, family, this condo, this new story…. Didn’t work down here last night after dinner as I’d hoped. I’m here now. I have to stop doing that, citing what I didn’t do or what I plan to and rather what’s transpired. Past tense in the present – waking close to 8 this morning and slow to start, tired, recognizing how I hate the lack of energy. How do I find more… coffee is one way, running another. How and when can I fit in a run today. Easy, 5k before 3:30 zoom. Done. Make it happen I tell myself. No excuses, no outs.