8:29 and back from quick visit, watching her prepare and set charcuterie boards then talking with her roommate about real estate, selling and buying, investing.  Interesting.  More ideas…. The day planned.  Can’t wait to see the kids, and even more eager for them to be covid negative.  They test tomorrow and I’m impatient.  But what can I do. Nothing, I know.

Still no word on Windsor house.  I’m beyond impatient.  Denise said that by 11 I should know something…. My nerves are everywhere.  All I thought about last night while at Katie’s, having such a dinner and little family party at MY house.  Soon?  Who knows. Trying not to think about it and distract myself but it’s essentially impossible.

Think about anything… Sunriver.  Going there this summer with the kids, that new waterslide park.  Running again around Circle 10 and the others close by.  Getting in a run today before the drive out to Sebastopol at 3.

Then I think – ONE THING.  That I want.  TODAY.  Aside from seeing my babies which is by far the most important… just one thing for me.  What is it.  No idea.  There’s no ‘thing’ that I want, and I think much of that extends from being a writer.  Though, I do want to look for — no.  Never mind.  Thought about Sur La Table, walking and looking at stuff for the house, but I don’t have the house and I could browse online, right?

Running.. HEALTH.  Yes, a run today, not on tread.  Somewhere new.  Like….  Where.  Of course overthinking this as I always do.  Won’t have time to get out to Bodega I don’t think.  See kids at 11, leave around noon maybe, go to comic book store for Jackie for his Pokemon cards that I promised.. will have to bring those back here ‘cause I don’t want them sitting in the car tempting thieves or snatch-n-grab assholes.

Lost my thought’s train and vein.  Where was I going.  Where AM I going in the day.  Run on tread, it’s easiest.  Run in Bodega tomorrow, see kids on way back.  Done, decided, moving on.

Couple work things to do today, later of course… no idea what I’m writing.  I’m bored with my own types and lines as I’m sure you are.  Maybe I should go back to bed.  This coffee isn’t as strong as I thought, and I’m sipping slow.  So why not.

Trying to think too much like an adult.  Planning shit, what I’m doing at this hour, enter the receipts into Quicken (which I really should do this morning)… that’s my problem.  Too much fixation on expectation and standards, definitions and perception.

9:32am

Oh my god that took FOREVER.  Receipts entered, budget done, now I can somewhat relax.  Here on, do all receipts at EOD.  Have every expense be a story, like the cards I’m buying Jackie later, and the running gifts I’m thinking of getting myself later… what makes me buy that, and who, what’s the hoped-for result.  What I’m thinking about and thought about entering all the Starbucks and dining receipts.  Making me more mindful I guess of what I spend, how many dollars go here and there.

Still nothing from agent.  Feel like texting her just to know, whatever her response.  If I didn’t get it, well… fuck, okay, onto the next search which I would rather do anything else than have to do but whatever.  “Good morning.  Any word?” Just texted.  Part of me is scared to learn I didn’t get it or someone “outbid” me, the other just wants to get it over with.  This isn’t fun or exciting anymore, if I can be honest.  House hunting.

Not ready to post to blog.  Still no response from real estate agent.  Now I’m just annoyed, honestly.  Focus on the kids, and not just for this.  For everything.  Asking myself what I want to do today, what I want from the day and I’m inconclusive, indecisive… nothing comes to any kind of mind.  No materialization or provocation for actualization.  Hmmmm…. What does this suggest.  No idea.  No ideation.  No ideality.  Weird.