Tag: single dad blog

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. Health/Wellness just writing LOVE!!!!! parenting life Productivity Readings/Writings

Busy day with kids.  Shopping, new phone for me which means a new one for Jack.  Lunch done…. 99 outside, so no guilt in staying in.

Missing Nurse, but wholly and pervasively focused on the babies.  Just thinking of our dinner last night in Winters, my first ever.  Beautiful place, low lighting and radiance unstated yet connective – not flashy or exaggerative, boasting but… elevated, artful, textured in a way I’ve never seen.

Trying to backup this laptop to the cloud, but can’t figure it out now.  Why is this so hard?  Figured out how to do my phone… hold on…….

Not dealing with it now.  MAP…. Done for now.

Seeing the kids this morning for the first time in over a week reminds me of simplicity.  All answers needed are right in front of me.  NO.. more than that they’re constantly knocking and taunting, kindly criticizing – Why are you overthinking, they ask.  Jack sings a little whilst playing with his new phone, I stuff recipes in the journal.  Tend to later, when sun’s away.

I laugh at whatever Jack’s singing.  Making no sense but the funny is there is what he hums or sings in some congealed slang-slur.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. just writing parenting life

12-25-22

Back at loft for a bit before heading back to Santa Rosa’s eastern side. 

 In office.. not letting self feel anxious as I was, thinking “I need to clean the house before leaving…” No I don’t.  I’m gifting myself this – Time in the office, a clear and clean desktop.  Thoughts.

All these gifts I bought other people, and I want only this for me.  This… the postmodern, the “obvious”, the immediate.

Beginning first column tonight, and settled on a name for the column when parking at the Windsor Starbucks.  Couldn’t believe they were open.  I thanked the girl behind the reg’ for being open today.  She said thank you, I think.  Hard to hear from behind her mask and with how loud and busy they were.

Hard to believe I have this quiet, this peace, this gift.  And it IS absolutely y gift, unusual boon for not just a writer, but human.

Missing the kids already, but writing though it.  Watching them open their gifts this morning…. Don’t get me started.  I don’t have time to cry.

No the New Year really is with up-wheels.  Acknowledging this new week, and the outing planned for tomorrow.  

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. parenting life

6:17 back from field trip with to Sonoma Square, all those historic spots. 

Then visiting my Mom and Dad at the kids’ request to see my sister’s dog.  Grocery shopping at Safeway and surprisingly coming in under budget by a few bucks.  And I was surprised ‘cause there was a lot I was missing in this flat.  

Now, they have everything. 

Tempted to write a letter, but need to think.  And I won’t, I know I won’t.  But I’ll still think.  Some people just delight in skirmish and hostility and misery.  And I’m not qualified to cure or even converse with these characters.

These kids, teaching me so much about so much and to be frank more than I can list or inventory.—

Emma and Henry get into it upstairs, I hear.  Henry obviously the aggressor.  Fuck, why can’t he just watch that Paw Patrol shit and…

Had to get in between the littles and I know it’ll erupt again so should probably be typing upstairs in the loft.  Hear it bring and stewing and collecting again, like a fault line… any moment’s the big one.

Looking at shots and clips from day.  I need to use more media, with these posts and just principle capture, since of course I can’t write on days like this with so much travel and movement and here and there of the story with these three mad mini-Madigans.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that. parenting life

No idea what I’m doing with the kids other than grocery shopping.

Dry cereal for breakfast, completely uncommon.  Sounded nice.  Not sure why.  Henry hungry, demanding waffles, then another, and while the third one cooks insists on a graham cracker.  Just as he’s about to launch into one of his cutting protests that I haven’t seen in a while, I gave him one and he marches back to the loft to watch his Patrol Patrol show where parents move the toys, have a unique episode premise and do the voices of each character.  Henry prefers to the actual show, which I find interesting but completely obvious why.  To him, the toys are talking, which probably makes him wonder…

Okay… things to do in Sonoma County with kids.  Research…

I’ll figure it out, and ask them what sounds fun to them.  Armstrong Woods sounds fun, but to me.  Would they want to do that?  Dad and Mom took Emma and Jack for a vineyard walk at Katie’s winery yesterday….  Hmmm.

Sonoma Plaza, that could be fun.  Walk around, go to that historic corner by the Mission.  YES.  Decided… they’ll love that.  Maybe get lunch at Mary’s.  They love Mary’s, me not too much.

Run idea by Emma. Less than impressed.  Oh well.

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HAPPINESS. Imagine that. parenting life

Big kids here, my heart heaping.  Got a couple things with them at store… 

Quick snack, now they relax in the loft on couch while I finish a couple builds here in office.  Feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen them, and it essentially has.  Nearly two weeks is a forever to me being away from my babies.  Backing single dad song.  Dinner, ready.  Jack tells me he wants to watch the warriors game at 7 because his friends are there and thinks it’d be cool to see them on TV.

Jack helps his sister with a new game.  “Dad, I like playing this game with Emma and helping her.” Again, heart heaps and leaps and speaks in new ways.  I never tire of this being their daddy.  It’s a new planet that’s different day to day and days they’re not here are hellish and voided, desolate heaps of banality.

Everything else ignored tonight.  I’m their dad.  That’s IT.

Back to loft in a minute for Warriors game and dinner prep, then soon after bedtime routine.  Clothes out, teeth brushed, then my little British Professor Mikey act I do where I go from room to room and answer any question they ask.  Most of the questions are silly and make me laugh and break character like the time Emmie asked me, “Professor, will I ever poop so much I’ll run out of poop and never poop again?”

Can’t get over that they’re actually here.  My big kids…. At the store Emma and Jack saying I should get this for the house, then that, then this for their lunch….  I say we need new ice cream for the loft and they each want something different.  So, the solution, Jack gets his pick and Emma hers.  I’m spoiling them.  So what.  That’s the plan this weekend – make sure they enjoy their stay at the poz loft with Daddy.

Henry with a fever I found out earlier with a call from Ms. Julie, his preschool director, and owner of the little-little campus.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

3:03, leaving in about 40 minutes.  Took a covid test after learning my friend’s daughter just tested positive and I was around them the other night.  Negative, thankfully.  I’ll be honest I thought there might be a chance I had it, with this cough.  Going for a quick walk in a minute, but before that looking at desk, what I have to do tomorrow… plans this weekend with kids.  Getting together with my sister, maybe driving to the coast again, and Petaluma probably.  Picnic in a park, I’m thinking.  Jack wanted to go to Epicenter last time I had them, so maybe we’ll do that.  Can’t remember if he has a baseball game or not.  Want to say the season, Fall Ball, is over now?  No, this Saturday is the last game.  9:30 which means 8:30 which means waking early… lovely.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

Breathing, no stress.  Anxiety again denied existence powers or any voice, gravity.  

Got store run out of the way for kids, big kids tonight, preparing for this new story…. My thoughts and attitude going in.

Thinking about EVERYTHING…. Work and the kids, this page, today and how tired I am but after a power nap just now and some in-the-moment espresso I’m better and over-eager to have my kids here with me.  Me in my dad story… all of this for them, I keep telling myself that in 6 months time certain instabilities will be quelled.  More of the needed self-talk writers like I need imbibe.

The office saying different sways and dances to me, urging I do the same.  Be unafraid…. Keep the inward jots and conversation alive and aloft.  Have to go back to the store, for one thing.  Wait, no I don’t.  Never mind.  So want to get out again, go for a drive before getting Jack and Emma.  Do things different I keep reminding myself, starting with this.

Sleeping next to laptop tonight, early to bed with kids so that would mean around 9,,,

Music helping, as always.  Quick walk, different store.

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#blogeverythingnow HAPPINESS. Imagine that.

Starbucks Daddy Breakfast it is.  Jack asks for 8 more minutes on his game.  I agree. No plans for day, which is usually the case on Sundays which we all agreed months ago to be our “chill day”.  Thinking of week ahead and week after that.  Changes that will change everything in my sales and writing and EVERYTHING stories.  Must be measured, wake up early, earlier than I did today.  Couldn’t make a Kerri hour happen today but there’s tomorrow…. Lining up aims, categorize, simplify.  Henry interrupting my concentration, all of us leaving soon.  Hungry myself and I often skip breakfast.

3:40

Back from pumpkin path, giving little littles a bath, and I am with nearly nothing in tank.  In office writing this note then probably up to Dad’s old chair with journal and noting.  That’s it.  Early bed, wake at Kerri hour.  No try, just doing it ‘cause I have to.  Laptop next to bed, charging now so upstairs no cord, make the most of the time I have with it sans constant energy-give.

As stressed as I get with the kids sometime, I’m  stunned by how thankful I am.  Me, them, there, together – watching them in that pit of kernels, giving me laughs and nerves.  Jackie laughing nearly without a cell of control and Henry just continually throwing handfuls at his sister.