Tag: fear
Writing in VV today. And working a little, I guess. Just messaged the Nurse. Better today than yesterday, whatever mood-mud had be knotted.
08:42, little more time to SELF. By EOD, changing weather, music. Simple as a decision. Watching Sedaris on a podcast or YouTube channel, how relaxed he was telling a story, how at peace he seemed. I was in study.
Still am.
Studying SELF, and how I arrived where I am.
Can’t remember the word the Nurse used this morning, but something to do with re-dedication to teaching, education. The GRE, ugh…. But I have to take it for a Ph.D. program, right?
More faith and principle belief in SELF.
No fear in this meeting, just tell the truth….
Can you imagine, not having this stress anymore? Waking and not dreading the meeting and these stupid fucking funnel discussions?
$^&*()
Meeting over. Now notes for ‘return’. Starting with Composition. Emailed …..
The aim, the journal, ideas from all pages. Nurse respond with only love and encouragement. Her words, loving me like no one else’s, EVER.
I have a bit of a carelessness about me this morning. Yes, to address someone’s comment, I have a bit or more than a bit check-out of certain streams and reads.
And I’ll be frank, it feels phenomenal.
Espresso shots from Nurse’s new machine, getting now.
DONE.
FUCK that tooth.
I usually go to the tasting room in St. Helena. Think I’ll be giving notice a week from today. Or not. Just got paid and the money helps, put to business and MAP, so…
Last day of the month. Already prepping for next week. Some notes on something else first.
Feels better to get that done, notes for meeting at some point. Laundry providing odd peace, and cleaning kitchen. Now, coffee, dry cereal…
Another picture from the old wine industry days. Yes, I think I’m giving notice. Think about it, why be afraid or hesitant? 8+ hours for take-home of around $225 which includes the registered tips, against a whole day to myself to create and build business that could be worth tens of thousands, like the opportunity I created last week (that I didn’t have on blog, but do now… more later).
Done. The wine run was fun but I need be singular, totally in tech.
Got store run out of the way for kids, big kids tonight, preparing for this new story…. My thoughts and attitude going in.
Thinking about EVERYTHING…. Work and the kids, this page, today and how tired I am but after a power nap just now and some in-the-moment espresso I’m better and over-eager to have my kids here with me. Me in my dad story… all of this for them, I keep telling myself that in 6 months time certain instabilities will be quelled. More of the needed self-talk writers like I need imbibe.
The office saying different sways and dances to me, urging I do the same. Be unafraid…. Keep the inward jots and conversation alive and aloft. Have to go back to the store, for one thing. Wait, no I don’t. Never mind. So want to get out again, go for a drive before getting Jack and Emma. Do things different I keep reminding myself, starting with this.
Sleeping next to laptop tonight, early to bed with kids so that would mean around 9,,,
Music helping, as always. Quick walk, different store.