Tag: #selflove

Categories
just writing

Vague Bulletin

Surprised I’m up this early.  7:25, was out of bed around 6:40 I want to say.  This whole day is about production, making it its own business.  ‘81421’ I call it.  So many thoughts about running and yesterday’s 5 miles that I just went out and did.  Yes, no hills like the other house, but I logged 5 miles.  Want to run today, but thinking maybe rest a day then hit pavement early in morning tomorrow.  Not that that ever happens., but…. It’s a semi-plan..

Another fucking fly woke me this morning.  Or rather, wouldn’t let me go back to sleep.  Thankful to the fly, if you want to know the truth.  Wine tasting yesterday, having some wine with neighborhood friends putting wine business ideas in this writer’s frame and decisions.  Hmmm…. Meaning what.  Not sure yet.  A wine division of Bottledaux, which of course would be the #vinovinevin blog.  I’ll get out to one of the valleys today, do some tasting, take some notes.

Looking for journal, and it’s in the car.  Shit.  Don’t want to go back outside.  Cozy here with the latte.  Hear big kids whispering upstairs… should go spook them.  Why not.

Categories
Health/Wellness

notes

8:42, which means 18 minutes till the first call.  Have list prepped, not looking forward to it but I’m going to bulldoze through the list.

Run after, 5 miles here in Coffey Park somehow.  Slow 5.  5 miles is now the minimum I run, no question.

Putting on calendar a couple hours for the AE story…..  Want to truly bridge that to the BX office.  Everything about it.  Connectivity, conversation, creative…

15 minutes now.  Why do I do that.  Why do I count.  Stop counting.  Just enjoy, however you want.  Note to SELF and anyone.

Smiling, eager, grateful.

Categories
autre

8/13/21: Phased Newly.

What I’m saying to self this morning.  Paid, and using all monies to get to office, the Bottledaux base and reality.  Blogging and publishing.

4-shot latte from the Hopper Starbucks.  Haven’t done that in, not sure how long.

Running 5 miles before lunch at 12 with leads group partner.  Calls today, and taking each one as an opportunity for humor.  Just how I’m going to do it.

Email sent out at company about mandatory vaccinations.  I have mine, thankfully.  Not sure how I feel about that, but then I do, then I don’t.  A mess.

Thinking of calls I have to make, budget I have to do….  Life’s work.  I’m spinning this morning in thought and possibles.

Categories
Health/Wellness just writing

from this morning

One of the senior AE’s calls me accidentally over Teams.  We start talking about sales and how things are slow now, and I’ll admit I started the conversation saying my sales were shit and non-existent… outstanding proposals with nothing materializing.  She cites how this new covid stain and rise in cases is contributing to fear and reluctance with business decisions.  I thank her for listening and wish her a good morning and day.

Coffee starts to work.  Where do I start prospecting….  Get out of Marin, Sonoma Counties.  Go to SF, I tell myself.  Tech and internet companies… get in that world, more.  Use Bottledaux more.  This discussion with self builds and then I realize the 365 project is done.  Finished just a few days ago.  Started it in the Caddis tasting room.  And here I am….  Wide awake now, coffee singing and speaking to me.  I mute the TV and put on music, Tycho to put myself in amore a relaxed patch of thinking.

So early, I remember.  7:42, imagining myself as a radio or podcast host and the whole premise is waking early, starting the day early… health, mental health, happiness, and how it’s all DIY.  OR, a news anchor like these Channel 2 people.  Waking early solves so much… just when I think I can’t write I remember the students in my classes and certain ideas I’ve offered.  “Magic of the meta”, and ‘use what’s present rather than grieving what’s absent’, those types of thoughts.

Categories
wine

Board Call

7:22.  Done with dinner, now thoughts.  Much of tonight’s writing will be off-blog.  But now, thoughts.  Business, family, peace, health, MENTAL health – which some have some weird stigma or perception around, like if you write about it or are interested in it, how to improve your own, you’re off or weird or something.  Hilarity in the judgement, as the ones assessing and estimating and valuing are those in need of self-assessment and mental health priority.  But I guess there I’m judging, so….. 

Writing slow.  Not allowing more than 300 words tonight.  Want to write about the night and my thoughts, from watching baseball to the shrimp burrito from my buddy Jose’s place, to the laundry I’m finally getting around to doing.  Time just dashes by me.  It knows what it’s doing.  Such a devil, always.

New conversation with someone I’ve been connected to for a few years – new everything.  New music.

Tonight will teach me something, I’m sure.  With work as well… new wine book, story, pursuit.  And no I’m not fucking sipping right now if that’s what you’re thinking.  Only thinking… about the vineyard, the barrels, people, time in the tasting room.

Watching The Godfather on… A&E I think.  When was the last time I watched this?  At the part where the cops roll up on Michael and Enzo outside the hospital.  Family business… have to keep remembering this, it’s for the kids.  Bottledaux, and EVERYTHING.  That’s my fucking mistake, right there… I’m focused on building something for me more than the babies.

Fucking FOOL.

Thoughts circling me now and picking me up, flying away with me.  Painting pictures of the office, travel, wine, books… the kids in the office with me.  The kids… Jack and Emmie, little Henry… that’s the key, the answer, the composition of any bridge to any aim.

Categories
Health/Wellness

A Weather Now Touch

Already sent emails, made a couple calls both resulting in voicemails left.  Smooth jazz playing for background noise.  Going all out in this AE story, today.  Need to email the college for book order, email students a quick note and very easy and inviting prompt.  Telling your own story, narrative, using what you have and making it a gallop of pages that you the author enjoy reading.

9:30, latte more than half full.  Proud of myself I must say for scaling back on caffeine consumption.

Director Mark just sent an email saying if you didn’t submit your July update and August forecast to please do so now.  Huh, another thing I’m proud of, my doing, of ME, myself, doing mine first thing this morning.  Touching the keys even before 7am.

Running at EOD, launching at 4:30.  Going out to the field around 11.  Need to get in shower at 10, 10:15, shave, be ready to speak.  Walk around.  My day seeming more organized than it usually is.  Huh, I say to myself, what am I doing differently?

Mom gifting me a new mask, saying “Drink Coffee, Write Books, Be Happy”.  While sweet and thoughtful, this may be the most instruction dart ever to land on my meta-surface.  A new business plan.  Is it?  YES.

Sales… where I am.  Need to be out there.  As in, both meanings of the phrase.  In the street and moving, and more wild and whim-put.  Like I did with yesterday, Saturday as well.  Let the story come to me but be in a position for it intersection and voice.  Things quiet, I think of what else to do.  Take a shower, shave, ready for the Field sooner rather than later…

But can I just enjoy my morning for a little bit?  I mean, am I allowed to do that on a Monday morning?  Drink coffee, write my fucking book, and be happy?  No stress?  Just enjoyment?  Forgetting it’s Monday or even what the fuck Monday is, or is supposed to mean?  Well, that’s what I’m doing.

Not thinking about the shift or any email that I have coming my way.  I’m just gleefully floating, not chained, a new cloud.  Newness in all my cells and synapses.  This is the business plan Mom taught me.  It’s that simple.  The same way Lawson writes and thinks.  And any mood that finds me is a goddamn liar.  This is me, how I am now, for my kids I thought while driving them to the first of their final Summer Camp days.  “Love you, Dada.”, Emmie said closing the door.  I watched her walk to her little camp clique.  That’s my baby girl, I’m her dad, I have kids, they need me and need me to be a certain way.  I think I finally know what that is.  

Thanks, Mom.

Feel yesterday’s run.  Only 5k, but the hills make is more immediate and connective.  Like the new business—

Interrupted by a call.  Prospect wanting service.  A good call, elevating my mood again.  Today is something new, something different.  

10:22?  How’d that happen?  Shave, shower, music….

Categories
just writing

7:17, and reports are in.

Expenses as well, but only one drive to San Rafael to mention in drive/mileage report.  I’m quadrupling down on the AE story this week.  In more regards than I can mention or am even able to think of right now.

First, calls.  And being in the Field.  Walking around Stony Point today, saying what I say to some businesses, then other means and methods.  Something one of the C-level people said in the company-wide meeting on Friday about being in sales, that everyone is in sales.  For the most part I agree, and this week and going forward till I’m in MY office I am in thorough agreement.

Kids still asleep, have to wake them up and get them to one of their final days of Summer Camp.  Class starts for me one week from today.  Can’t believe it, but I have to ‘cause it’s happening.

Better go upstairs and start everything sooner rather than later.  Wonder why they’re so tired.  Thought they went to bed at a reasonable time last night, didn’t they?  Can’t remember.  Lots to do outside AE story today as well, for the shift.  More movement.

I try to wake Jack, he doesn’t move.  I go into Emma’s room and she’s curled up like a fox in its little nest, or whatever you call it.  Absolutely the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  I say gently it’s time to wake up, she moves a little then I go back in to check on little Kerouac.  He’s barely moved.  I tell him again we need to get going.  “Couple more minutes…..”, he says.  I say, “Okay, couple more minutes buddy…” Come back down here.  Now I hear him walking around.  Time to go back up and attempt the little kit, again.

Categories
Health/Wellness

from this morning

Woke early from a goddamn fly that must have not even snuck into the house while the front door was open last night for however long, but just invited itself in.  Checked out the house, decided it was perfect for harassment, and stayed.

…gather more useful leads and get something on the fucking scoreboard.  It’s not me, I know.  I know how to do what I do as an AE, I know how to sell and even if I didn’t my beat and hunger and consistency would bring in ink.  And I’m paired with a Sales Engineer, which is nice.  Yeah, nice, but still nothing for August.  I know, I know…. Calming.

The thought of letting, daring, the story to come to you as a character.  Not knowing what will next occur and who cares.  Go out and take pictures today, my heart says.  With your phone.  Camera is up at Mom & ad’s and not charged.  Use the equipment you have, I say to myself.  Photo still an idea, a dominant and instrumental possibility for this blog, for Bottledaux as a company… media… need to be on camera more, I know.  Speaking, using not just still shots but video as well.  Maybe a drive to Alexander Valley, shoot the vines, see where they are in veraison.  The Cabernet along 128, has to be by now.

Espresso in the latte won’t let me stop writing, or stop selling this idea of Bottledaux as a multimedia company and publishing body to ME.  I’m already sold though.

Are you?  Prove it.  Go sell it to someone.

Who…..

This is the day’s project.  BOTTLEDAUX.  But in a different way, more volume and intensity, vigor and voice.  Bottledaux and how it speaks to me, like a geography of infixes I keep trying to interpret and value estimate.

Categories
just writing

Much later in the day, 5:29, Wheat Thins and Sauvignon Blanc, kids loud in the backyard.

Several of the neighborhood kids like always.  In office now, and hope to be here throughout night.  Not much an eventful day, really, but that was the point.  Kept reminding self to let the story steer the character.  And the story told me to relax.. getting haircut then home for quick lunch before heading to Mom and Dad’s to water their plants – oh, before heading to Healdsburg for cut stopped by….. can’t say, something for shift – then to get Jack from baseball practice and take him to the comic book store as promise.  He was so happy, this morning talking about it for most of early hours then when showed up to watch him bat he was visibly distracted knowing what he’d been waiting for is only minutes away – the trip and the daddy present of “magic cards” I promised him.  Got Emmie a comic book too.

Then here.  Time moving like a riled wild boar.  In a mean charge.  

Targeted.

Book challenge, me versus me.  Learning more of Mike Madigan’s manuscript.  Who is he and what does he want….  We should all investigate and excavate this.

Had a business call earlier while at parents’… new project.  Yes, another.

Categories
Health/Wellness

Barrier Vague

I want a haircut, that much is planned more or less.  Other than that I have no plans for day and it feels ravishing and renewing.  Like a writer, one I need to be and see myself becoming.

Working on business most of the day, notes in one place.  Have to get better about that.  Only a handful of sips from the latte, and I’m off, off the ground, in flight.

Healdsburg again today, writing spot already chosen.  Bringing a book with me, but which.  Shit, the means I need to stop by storage unit.  Oh well, need to anyway.  Two books, Road and Sedaris.  Okay, and Lawson.

When I notice myself thinking excessively and not writing it only leads to more of the same.  And like I said somewhere, either on this blog or in one of the too many journals I have, there WILL be a sign up in the office reading “NO THINKING.” Can’t wait to see the reactions.  “What do you mean no thinking, Mikey?….So wait, is it really bad to think about what you’re doing?” Can hear that and more, right now at this desk.

Yes.  And yes.  Don’t think.  Write, create… BUILD.  Thought is for after, if at all.

Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve pursued photog rather than words.  Would have been an interest result.  Would it have?  Any more “interesting” than being a writer?  Me, a photographer…..  I don’t see it.  I can pretend, and wonder, but that’s where I hit several wall. All doused in heaping pragmatism.