Forgot I had a credit from work, from the Kickoff Meeting. Definitely need a break. Yes, another.
Already? One of the AE’s in the AE Teams chat noted how quiet it is today. I agreed, one other AE responding “Hungover”. I will NOT stress about quota. Could write a boot about that alone, honestly. Yes, I cld. I am. Maybe that’s part of the 2022 business plan – Don’t stress or even give a shit about quota. Wow, I think I discovered something. The art of not giving a shit, about quota. Never capitalize it, maybe don’t even say it. Just call it, IT.
Subject change, need a drive. Offer submitted on townhome, haven’t heard anything yet.
Put $4 in J4H. Now online looking at shit on Wayfair. Getting ahead of myself, then thinking what do I do if I don’t get Cotati…. Get an apartment? No stupid, you’re not getting an apartment. Be patient, and don’t go into pessimism mode already.
Could send some emails, but nah…. What am I doing, but not doing anything.
Will say it again – SO HAPPY I DON’T HAVE ANY CLASSES THIS SEMESTER. Just don’t have the time nor the space in current thought/attention climate. No way. Need to take attention off quota, somehow. It’s like a girl I’m obsessed with, like I’m 16 or twenty-something and I just met her and can’t remove her from perception.
New idea, one unifying and ultimately and pervasively consolidating. I got it… don’t say it. Will stay nameless, no tag or category or hint. Just ‘Idea A’. Idea A, simple but not. Will solve everything.
I mean, literally everything. Not that too much has to be solved, but this restless feeling, yes. Very much so.
Coffee made, small cup. Receipts everywhere on this goddamn table. Put them on the folding dinner tray table, fuck them. Running with this mood and mode, just writing whatever lands, connects. IT friend texts me, I don’t answer right away. Attention on Idea A… over everything. Travel, wine, running, EVERYTHING.
Rub eyes but not flustered, stressed, flummoxed, nothing. When the character knows where they’ll land, that this is a bridge or Road of sorts. Working from home, but hardly working. So what, I reason. Intemperate, me now, but still controlled. For the most part. This Idea, instruction me to cut out dimensions and choices, distractions. It’s the ultimate unifier. Re-reading past entries, old journals the other night.. me at 39, then 40, then one when I was 26 right after meeting….. What was I thinking, in so many regards. Who is this guy?
Blending into Idea A, for a number of causes.
Need to get out of the house, go for a drive… to HQ. Get pens or something. Just get out. Of. The. House.
Got a couple supplies at HQ. All receipts off table and torn up and thrown away, thank the Universe. My head in repetitive etches with Idea A, but not annoyingly. The idea of a startup, starting something – building, seeing the architecture then ACTING.
Another prospect requesting a contract, then a new inbound lead requesting a call tomorrow at 9. Feeling better, about prospects I mean. This war against quota. Well, no.. not a war. Writing assignment. That’s all it is, like I told Olivia when we were both AAE’s (Associate Account Executives) – “It’s all a writing assignment to me.” But I have to think, and maybe more so realize a reality – if I can sell 900k or more in telecom and internet solutions, then why not for myself. And I mean, ALL for myself. And my kids. Is this Idea A? Is this the intention, the thesis, the totality and anatomy of this day’s grand meditation and sight, new scope and understanding of SELF?
No money spent today, but what if I did, what would it have been? Round up. Okay….. 4-shot latte for Self and breakfast options for Dan and Sue, easily $15+ so just say $20. Lunch, if I didn’t have the DD credit, probably $15 if I went to Oliver’s but let’s say I wanted to hit 3rd Street, have that Cobb Salad I love with a glass of SB, or a Bodega Head IPA…. Round up again, okay, $30. So $50. What do I have in my wallet? How about that, $50. Into J4H.— NO! Or yes. J4H may not be for the ‘H’. Maybe it’s for something else. Some startup idea, ‘IdeaA’.
That’s how I’ll write it from now on. About EVERYTHING = IdeaA. And I’m frozen, not knowing what to add or how to elaborate. That’s the point I think, the undefined and its significance and value. The quiet in the house has me singularized. Going to watch the news, break from keys. Needed, it’ll help, I’m sure it will. Another sip…. IdeaA, IdeaA… need a board I can write that on, like one of those dry erase boards teachers have. Maybe I should ask Melissa for one.