Bobby, sweet human, a manager at Safeway later in day but starting his day driving folks. First thing I notice getting into his ride, coffee. He later told me the strong smell is much attributed to him spilling a bit on passenger side.
Music last night at a place in Santa Rosa, Perch & Plow, somewhere I used to take Melissa to dinner, often. Was our spot, if I had to say one was. Told friend Mel that, not sure it landed with her. Certainly not as it did me.
I do miss her, my wife…. Some reading this will have their comments, I don’t care. Mother of my children, the kids seeing us together… and here are tears. Topic next.
Messaged her, had to. Life is incredibly brief I realized this morning again in the unusual June rain outside my friend Mel’s house waiting for Bobby, then again walking from Noto to the 228 loft. Looking back, I shouldn’t have gone out last night but delighted I did and needed music. This morning, LoFi beat, right before sprinting to “the 3rd floor” as my son Jack calls it to brush teeth, freshen for day at Michel.
Missing my kids, talked about them quite a bit last night with Mel, about Henry and Emma taking the bed from me the other night, then Jackie sleeping on the mattress beside the bed Friday night because he was scared for some reason. They just get bigger and bigger, continue to grow. Jack no willing to hug or talk too much to me around his friends, that pre-teen embarrassment. Emma too but to a lesser extent – One day a couple weeks ago she wouldn’t;’t hold my hand walking her to class so I said, “Okay, I guess you don’t want the surprise when we get back to the Daddy Loft…” She grabbed my hand so quick you’d think that she thought I’d vanish right there if she didn’t.
The EVERYTHING in AE is them. Simple. My kids… 3 topics, three live, three narratives and walks…. Little Henry yesterday at Emmie’s game grabbing onto his mother’s hood, pulling her backward. She telling him no and “Henry, gentle…” which didn’t work, then me stepping in trying to help which worked even less.
8:35, upstairs in 10…. Thinking of Bobby and his coffee-wafted car, his fuller than full day of work. Manager at Safeway later, but not before driving dizzy and dazed, glazed writers like me back to their desk.
Second-guessing self for taking this winery assignment. I could be writing all day today, prepping for the AE story tomorrow. What do I want with this assignment? Learned yesterday my sister Taryn left… so why am I there? For the $23/hour? The tips? The free wine? Is that more valuable that writing time? Just calm, stay put for the time being. See what happens.
5 minutes left…. Today, the wine, the drive, this 4-shot latte Bobby unknowingly shove me to get. The life of a writer, blogger or whatever… at a desk. Quiet house except for the LoFi… Happy, but missing kids. Can’t wait to be back in this very chair later. Going nowhere tonight but to WORK.
My parents, all their help, sister, Aunt Denise, Uncle Tim, less than a handful of what I’d discern as friend…. Characters in my story. Telling Bobby about the Maui trip— People like Bobby, that you meet then drive away, onto another interaction. There’s something there… what. More than me, more than my perception. THE KIDS.. what are they thinking reading this? Have to consider that with every collection of paragraphs. 8:44 and 17 second… upstairs soon. 3rd floor. Brush teeth, freshen… new shirt, new day, new sight and consideration of my life. Life of my kids’ dad… wow, that’s me. I’m their father…