Missing the kids and feeling pressured by certain entities… it’s all in my head I say to myself in attempts to reassure.  But nothing.

Coffee first, okay.  Still so much to do with this condo… what I want to be doing the rest of my life.  Foremost conception and perception, meditation.

No music on yet.  Not ready for any additional sounds.  Quiet, what I dream about often…. Stillness of Room, just me, no other voices.  What I now have.  Urging self to enjoy and not stress over matters that are so distant from control it’s laughable.  The AE story and how shitty sales are this year so far.

SO FAR?  It’s fucking May.  This is the year I’m looking at I think.

Now I’m emotional.  This has to end, NOW.  Writing the whole day….  Dinner planned for self, no eating out.  Treated self to that Asian place around he corner but I thought I did a fine job daddy-ing, so there you go.

And not thinking about what and how to write anymore.  May even be quitting the thesaurus and looking for synonyms, or even searching new words.  Why do that?  Some weird obscure utterance isn’t me, and I’m to boast my honesty in an essay, right?

Feeling a little better.  Cold finally going way but you can tell when I fucking sniffle that the tail of it still pats and hits me when it wants…

Envelop, need deposit it today.  Need all the financial weight I can find, as the savings for this house is now eroding noticeably.  New assignment should help, with wine… details of course kept OFFBLOG and in book.

Have to hop into the AE pages… don’t want to.