…..

The Nurse is my dominant note.  It’s obvious. 

Raining.  In office.  Rarely am I down here this late.  Scribbling in journal… I’m HST now, tonight.  Not caring.  Life is much better when you don’t care, didn’t the good doc say that?  The Zinfandel and the Sonoma county everything about it, is my Now.. my strength and carelessness.

Certain people, getting between me and the kids.  Careful… this will backfire, and if not backfire fuel me with more lines and syllables, more music.

Modeling myself after her, the Nurse, her words and what she does, her discipline and her systemic steps and approach to everything around her and in her life, her house when I’m there and not.

Had a call with her a bit ago, and her smile.. her laugh, that face.. I can’t.  “You have no choice,” she says, “you have to with me.”

And I will.  Forever.  Have never felt that with anyone, regrettably.  But here I am.  44.  Love, finally.

Fuck… 

The transgression and lesson, said in new way, in a pew’s craze, by myself.

Am I finally seeing what I need to see, in my character and story, as a single dad, ghost in this chair…?