Time for me to appreciate more quiet. More, till I somehow overload, or want it to be noisy. But I don’t see that happening. Ordered books for Fall, late as always. And nothing new, which is starkly against this new Me I keep professing. In a mood still from earlier today, SSU emailing me with two classes, on the days I told them only 24 hours earlier I COULD. NOT. TEACH. I returned the email telling the chair this, and she returned with something like “So are you officially declining these assignments?” Something to that effect. Was I not clear in what I just emailed you? Was I not clear to your assistant yesterday morning when I told her that my availability was M/W, mornings? Weeks earlier they called me wanting to verify all my information, get an updated letter and CV, which I immediately sent that night. Heard nothing, which is why I called yesterday morning, wondering what the story was. Another example of how we as adjuncts are treated. Not as dogs, but as pests, or itinerant workers. They throw us what’s left over, and sometimes what’s left over after the leftovers. To shut us up. That’s their pesticide. No, I’m not getting at all negative, just showing again how we’re treated, and why it’s my apexing aim, my stratospheric intention to be an independent educator, free of institutions and adjunctdom. When I saw an email come in from the English Dept. chair, I was exhilarated, but when I opened it and read the content, I felt that growl, that rolling of the eyes before it even happened— “Are you kidding me?” I said to the empty house. But I wasn’t surprised. This is how it is.
In the adjunct cell, SRJC, listening to a Miles track, “Blue in Green”. Need to make music more part of this new Me, this new “lifestyle”. Everything should be music in my life, this writing and the poetry I write, how I rect to wine, how I run, how I wake up in the morning and how I get little Kerouac and his sister ready for their days. Everything should be music. I appreciate this quiet around campus, out there in the quad and in this adjunct box, lively with musical woo. I’m letting what happened with SSU go. I’m letting SSU go. That was my last leap. Moving on with my music, my writings, into the perfect world I see for myself in this world, traveling around it and writing about everything I pocket observationally. Beaches… tables streetside and all the passers, their languages and attires, customs and movements. Forcing myself to feel more uncomfortable in this pattern, so I write with more of a freed and freeing form like I wrote earlier. On campus now, and I’m somewhat in professor mode but more interested in this new story written around and about me, by a renewed and freer Me. Should have brought a beer into this office ‘stead of a mocha. Next time, next visit… Tomorrow, then?