Exhausted from passport weekend, not in any mood to teach this morning, only wanting to sip this coffee and write, build the blog’s content, and just write— don’t want to be seen like that, a fucking “content” builder. Or do I. My head everywhere this morning. See what classes I get… will let the 5-ers go a little early, maybe, so I can talk to the dept admin as soon as she gets in. Could call in on Friday since I was AT WORK. That’s right, this adjunct thing isn’t my only job.. but they don’t care, the admins and chairs and trustee members. Not at all. So I won’t either, but that’s not why I didn’t call on Friday at my scheduled time of 11:45— and how degrading is that, that we call when they tell us to, like a bell for slim supper, and get what they have for us, like we should be so thankful for the measly work they set aside for us, if any. Get me in the mood of moods, where my rattle rattles, quills up, fangs out.
Mom has suggested teaching online, and independently.. think I will, well of course I will. That’s the model of bottledaux, all in and out of the bottle; nothing auxiliary or adjunct about it. All essential. I’m essential. This institution and the little work they have for me year to year and term to term is NOT.
7:12— should go to class.. but I’m not in the mood.. will write something in the Comp Book, atop a blank page, a haiku, to steer me, be my lesson plan: Something to be said/about quiet; peace; stillness;/What if you had it?