Espresso made of course and I have a client issue to address but not now, not yet.  Auditing calendar first… this week and next.  OH, wait.. WHAT?  Next week is Thanksgiving?  No…..

Yes.  It is.  Ugh… then the countdown to xmas, and the New Year or “Happy New Year” as Jackie always calls it.  Not New Year’s or New Year’s Day, just Happy New Year.  That’s the name of the day.

I will run today.  Putting on calendar, 11am leave for gym.  Hoping for an hour run, but more than likely will just break 30 because I’m so out of it.  Surprised how well I did on the Sunriver runs weeks ago.

Idea of therapy hops in my head.  Self-talk, written self-talk and therapy.  Not going to “see someone”, but talk to self.  What is it you want… what are you doing and are you happy doing it – HOW DID YOU GET THERE.

All this swirling and circling in the writer’s head.  The espresso is strong, and not letting me slow, not letting certain voices near anything Mike Madigan….

Just read something on business, realizing mentality and end-aims.  May work offsite actually, now that I think about it.  Go to the office, or force self to stay here – that may be the more sensible step.  Really what it is, I don’t want to deal with some people and their ridiculous gripes.  Just want to write today, run, come back from gym and shower write a little more and maybe nap for a bit.

Dan and Sue leaving for the peninsula to see some family friends, so the house quiet.  Not that they’re NOT quiet, and I am in their house during all this separation and divorce shit, so I’m not grieving.  Just noting a certainty, the house will be all mine and I need to force self to use it and not be lazy or complacent.

Look at cash in wallet, forgot I hit ATM before 3rd Street yesterday.  Okay…. So?  No idea.  Here in the nook, looking at clock, slowing in espresso sips… thinking about my life, tech, blogging, startup ideas, the About EVERYTHING presence… then what.

How long do I want to be doing the AE thing…?  No idea.

Read the email and it’s addressing something technical which my SE would need to touch.  Interesting I still find it, all of it, the Enterprise Sales Division and how it works – departments within the department, then squads and more specialized squads….  BDX will do the same, I’m thinking.  As soon as I figure out what BDX is.  Marketing, Sales, Publishing, Media… then what.  Wine, Health and Fitness, WAKING EARLIER (nudge, nudge Mikey….), Mental Health.

Me, a writer on my own publishing body.  BDX is About EVERYTHING, I know.  But, the exact form. Maybe there is no exact form.  “Exact form”, what the fuck is that?…. What does that mean?  I don’t know, and honestly I don’t want to know.  I know what Bottledaux represents… TRUTH.  An honest place.  Maybe I am seeing the form form itself in front of me.

Open calendar, put today’s gym visit into time province, then message friend about lunch next week, Tuesday.

Unhooking all negativity, angst, stress and worry, overthought, anything like that.  Celebrating the moment I’m in… this blog, what it’ll become.  The pictures I’m now scrolling through of vineyards and my kids, my parents, wine bottles and glasses with wine in them.. HAPPINESS.  Not what it “looks like” like some want to provocatively post, but ACTUALLY IS.  Denotation, connotation…. Tuesday, my favorite day of late, since this all started.  Not sure why.  Maybe the “Tuesday Truth” thing…

Emailed students while work emails were landing.  Might as well take a peak….

Done.  Now what… Build conversation for 2022…. Post something.  Post something else.  Objective is to reach a place where I hardly ever have to prospect…. I’m focusing too much on that, the word and concept of prospecting… NO MORE.

Espresso done, tempted to get a latte.  Sounds delightful honestly, but don’t want to spend money.  Want the house.. the house I saw yesterday – Well, the second one.  The little studio in the back just called to me with a sharp heart and hone.  I’ll be there soon, and if not there then some structure similar.  Have to be patient, I know, but I’m not.  Ever.

Emailing a prospect in a bit, will wait till after 9.  A latte sounds better and better the more I think about it, but not letting self.  Will make another double espresso and sip slower than with first.  The espresso tradition with me— OH, need to get more of those Nespresso pods.  It’s crucial, it’s needed, it’s ME now.  Like writing from memory, the kids over the weekend and Jack with all his questions, Emma looking at that disgusting potato bug with Dad like she were a scientist.  Never seen her so enveloped in something, so interested and analytical.  Henry with his little sniffles, Jack only wanting to play catch or do something with me. Miss them.  Don’t see them enough, wonder why.  Not going there, not in this entry or any other.  OFFBLOG for that, the book… the long-awaited statement.  MINE.

8:54, another email.  Not important.  Communicating this pricing is, though.  So…. Onto it.  What do I do with the Now, before sending this pricing, I ask myself.  The magic of the meta, I’m always speaking to that.  What is it.  What is right here, in this nook, this new office, with me.  The AE story, an empty little cup, two phones, multiple journals, ME.  The Mike Madigan story and scene.

Need caffeine.