Seeing myself back in the classroom but a different standing and stroll back and forth, lecture notes or scribble pages or napkins just minutes before. And no fucking papers to grade.
How to get there… what’s the Bridge. This AE, About EVERYTHING, approach this morning speaking to me saying, “Are you fucking serious? It’s right HERE.”
09:39…. Still can’t believe that, about the former student. Has me worried and sad, the eager and fearless and not letting … into my thoughts in any way. Henry behind me laughing, none of these types of worry or thoughts, or concerns are in his little meditations.
Quality of my thoughts this morning, calm…. optimism. I can’t allow these recent inner-battles with writing and work chisel at me, wear me down to some little stump or nub. Years from now I’ll be wishing and sad that this Now is past.
Henry with a diaper, traveling in sensory connection. Oh jesus, gross… “C’mon buddy, we gotta get a new diaper…”
“No.” He answers. “Paw Patrol.”
I smile and he sees me smile, turns back around to those talking dogs on the screen. I pick him up, kisses, demand the diaper be changed, lovingly.
“Hi Dada, thank you Dada…”
10:05 decided coffee is far more interesting than people. Why? Where do I start….
Jack and Dad still on their bike ride. I need to shave, Henry watching some kids show with constant singing, the kind that’s both adorable and profusely annoying.
Looking for a quote for the day, just like I did when teaching. Jack asking me yesterday at the pool if I’d ever do that again…. Maybe, I guess, yeah, think my answer to him was ‘No’, but of course given the right assignment, and campus, that’d be reshaped into a yes.
Finding a new Road, learning about this Mike Madigan… this trip, while a family trip also meant to be meditative and purposeful. “Adapt yourself to the life you have been given…” In this current stage, everything I need.