Thinking just get rid of shit as I see fit. Two wine bottles in corner in front of me, the speakers and Sonos equipment Chris gave me Saturday, then boxes of business cards which I should probably excavate before too long.
Try everything to stop this dry spell. Trying to connect to people over LinkedIn, but even that isn’t doing anything. Told the director I’m discouraged of late. Not wanting any sympathy or special treatment, just communicating where I am mentally. Then I remember what that other AE said about that book ‘Art of Not Giving a Fuck’. How I have to be. Feel like the harder I try the less likely I’ll fly.
So…. Start over. Again. In more ways that one of even two or three.
Need another Diet Coke. Keep energy up. Much more today obviously than yesterday. More and more, I’ll do anything for more rile, more electricity about me. So…. Laptops and wires, journals on this makeshift temporary desk. One of those old Costco tables, that you’d buy for a birthday party or some dinner at your house, or a garage sale. That’s actually what it reminds me of, a garage sale table where you’d find old ashtrays or tools, stuffed animals or kitchen stuff.
Arranging everything into books. Literally everything…. This office, condo, second floor with which I’m OBSESSED.. the books don’t have to be long, in fact I’d rather they weren’t and I’m sure readers to. What’s that saying about human attention spans lately…? Like twenty or thirty seconds, a minute tops? Can’t remember.
Tried Googling an answer, and I gave up. My span was spent.
Distracted by all the stuff behind me… old business cards, receipts, DMV papers from Prius. Eyes on screen, I scold.