Have to get a contract in today, somehow. One lead, of course dragging. Then another. Then another…. Have a call to make later which could change all of it. Pushing it till close to noon. Need some time here at Farmers to write, or more than that just time for ME. Not ready for the Ae story yet… but I should be. I should wake when she told me she does, last night. To make products and releases for her business in addition to what she does for the winery.
Still a little tired from two nights ago, but last night’s hibernation tremendously helped.
Changed music. Emanicpator. Need these sounds, the ambient and ghostly consistency of the reverb and certain notes, the piano.
$6.50 for this latte. Should have had espresso shots at home and just nursed coffee at office. Student texts me a question, I answer quick so I can get back to this even though I have no idea where I’m going with this paragraph or in this entry. I’ve said for years and TOLD students that there is no such goddamn thing as Writer’s Block. Now I’m starting to wonder, “Is that true?”
Giving self a deadline. Like Dad says, a “drop-dead-ass deadline”, for getting into the Bottledaux office. Keeping it a secret and not putting on this page, or screen for blog. Something in this morning tells me to get wilder in my writing, in how I approach these conversations, relationships, business, the shift… all of it.
9:26, will leave at 10 for HQ. There, I’m finding 25 new leads, conversations. I’m in another goddamn holding pattern and it worries me, don’t want it to turn into another 30+ day drought. That was considerably unsettling. I’m overthinking it, I know. Sales is EASY. It is…. Just get as many conversations started and explore and cover as much ground as you can and something WILL connect, click.
Telling this to self over and over, and with the still present uneasiness with covid or whatever new strain is being repeated and re-emphasized now you do what you can in a sales position. And, as I’ve been writing… you have to find humor in it. Not just humor, but bold and pervasive, bright hilarity. And I do, I am…. So many friends lately telling me to relax, don’t worry about it and I tell them it’s hard then they fire back something like “Well, what can you do?” True, but I want to connect the story, the AE pages, more intimately with writing and a blog… so #prospectesk giving yet another multiplied world of vivacity and intention.
Current track, “Land & Sea”. Thinking Emancipator is more my mood and character, how my circulation and principle beat works. Just wrote a quick poem, short. How I’m feeling, poets around me and I don’t know but I do can feel them and sense their inner recital.. so I mimic and new scapes of thought visit.
There’s a new drop and rise
in the day itself and how it
communicates to me
Exponentially, set in newer free
Terrifically seen, a new tree leaf
My eyes splashing beyond the glass to left and outside to people in drive-through ordering coffees or lattes or something else I can’t remember because it has a dozen or so parts. I’m out there, then here on this bench. Looking around and only one other person in this large space, on laptop. Day still young, me impatient, faster track…. I’ve found something again, not in the room or the AE story, or new conversations, but in ME – Mike Madigan and his story, how he arrived here. Study more, notes, review, build.