Here I am, in the office before calls.

New tracks playing in ears putting me in mood for consolidations.  Not making any promises, or saying what I will do even though that’s somewhat what I’m putting on this page currently.  Only reporting on what occurred…. Rising from bed just before alarm was to go off at 7:30, into shower then dress and out door.  No Starbucks this morning.  Conserving cash after taking parents to dinner last night.  Tips Roadside, one of our preferred’s in the county.

Thinking of conversations and what they can do, how they can shape perception.  While waiting for my coffee here in the office, in the break room from one of the two silver and beat machines, I reminded myself of how I want people to see me… a writer and blogger.  That’s how I want everything to happen… everything.  Making and destroying quota, to teaching, to wine, running (which I haven’t done in a while but vow to do early tomorrow morning somehow… EVERYTHING.  Blogging and noting everything.

The stress of yesterday’s occurrences forgotten.  I’m here, in this chair in this office and with this coffee….  New conversation messaging me, no time.  Have to keep concentration and sight on what I see for self.

Just deleted a whole sentence.  Not liking what I’m writing but allowing no such mood or temperament slow me.  I’m in a Friday mood, and aren’t I supposed to celebrate Friday?  Isn’t that what we all want, for it to be Friday.  

No. Me.  I’ve never really been like that till lately like I’ve told you.

Come on, Coffee… do your fucking job.  I have to sell something today, or set up a sale for next week.  OH… the appointment from yesterday.  He’ll sign if I get him a contract, I’m sure of it.  Sales….  Should have done some setting up last night instead of whatever I was doing.  Messaging and texting, scrolling… FUCK, why do I do that?

Have the kids this weekend and need to be militant with time.  Thinking to myself, exactly what do I see…..  Me writing, finishing books, traveling, speaking when summoned or booked.  How do I get there—  Don’t think like that.  You are here once, ONCE… a determining voltage in the day-to-day, the realization that you don’t know when your stage appearance is over.

Now my heart moves faster, and not to alarm me but as if to confirm this morning’s musing.  Contracting Newness as I listen to this electric and ambient track….  Getting through calls, as I do every Friday.  Okay.. know where I’m going to start.  Know what I want.  If I get to 100% for the month before next Friday, I’m taking next Friday to self.  Lunch in Marin, writing in Composition Book somewhere I never have.

Something needs to be re-shaped….

Connectivity.  Being About EVERYTHING….

Again the thought slaps me while talking to my AE friend David.  How to get from Here to THERE… what’s the composition of the bridge?  And if you don’t know why not just jump in the water and start swimming.