Another 5-6 miles run, logged. No wine tonight, only water bubbled. Editing 1 page of book, tonight. That’s it. Going to hold Self at that 1 page. That I believe 2B the strategy, at least for me, in solidifying a strong BOOK– 1 page at a time. Tired. Tempted to have another Diet Coke, for the Life, momentum. And I need it. Was just thinking of hitting 1 thousand for night, but then I remembered my new policy: 300-500, only. So no go. Again hoping I wake early in morrow, so I can edit some more. And write some verse. Or paragraph. Or whatever I feel like when and if I early open eyes.
On run, almost gave into urge to walk, rather than sprint in my intervals. Didn’t, as I realized I should forget about the aim, and just enjoy the run. Exactly like writing.. where I refuse to obsess over project, but rather overdose on the scribbles, or even types. Beautiful day today, for my two tours. First, on a lower elevation hill, south on property, Second, on Mountain’s top. Was nice to breath the Sonoma Valley airborne potion. Wanted to stay up there, let the guests take the van back down, so I could write for a couple hours. Have thought so many times of taking a day off, writing somewhere completely unexpected, in total Newness.
My character, awaiting her next book. Did a little note taking today, between pours, about what Kelly would do if she were in danger of having to go back to work, if the sales of her paintings slowed. I don’t see her despairing. Not even taking one night to pour continuous glasses to slow any sorrow. She’d stay up, unbearably late, for as many congealed eves as necessary, till she had her next collection ready to show, sell. Now that she’s achieved Artistic Autonomy, she refuses to let it go. She avoids her friends in such Self-showdown. And the wine types she so much loves. Even caffeine subjects to restraint, temperament. She’d be in total control, consolidating everything– no papers on floor, no forgotten sketches, “paint plays” (where she experiments with shade and color blends, keeps them as standalones she could MAYBE one day sell).. she turned herSelf into a machine of Self production.
9:59pm. After this entry, where I’m more or less cyclical, I’ll jump over to OFFblog. Hoping to have a significant number of standalones [and that’s how I’m writing in that project, like each piece is a “post” to the “blog,” a mock-blog] by May 25th, where I begin another writing retreat. That Saturday night, only 4 days from birthday, I’m staying awake till whenever, to get 3-5 standalones done, printed. And yes, I WILL print them, ALL. May have a couple minutes to Self tomorrow morning, and if so.. I’m printing the first piece of book. These habits have been rolling too long.. they only contribute to fruition’s antithesis. I’m stopping it. ALL.