I needed a wine, a Zin actually, that had voice and conviction, command over my sense for sakes of calming, and it was there. This 2013 Sbragia La Promessa Zin. Have had it before but only in the tasting room and a couple ounces, at maximum estimation. I’m here in my office, home, now more relaxed— It’s euphonious blackberry and blueberry chocolate taunts have me more composed and calm, forgetting about day’s stresses. Of course stress will try to come back around for another pass to unsettle me, but the Zin is there, with its foggy texture and bright jump of a shapely song.
Another sip confirms its woo. And me, not much ado. Just enjoying. This is a cure, a delicious yield to a cosmos larger than my immediate stage. I could get lost in this red but I halt and sip in measure as I have to run in the morning, but it cured me of the day. And I’m thankful in many a way. I needed a wine and I was with the right one after a day like this. Thinking, meditating as it shed its jammy a-typicality and happily concedes to a more texture-purposed poétique. Zinfandel and I have never had this conversation, where I orate with such loftiness and praise, where I’m such a Lilliputian, a dazed follower of this Druidic fluid. Sbragia’s been there for me on more than one occasion but this night’s the more memory-promised of all them. New ideas, new affirmations, all from that base on Dry Creek Road, with the valley view, atop pedestrian pace but welcoming everyone. I need another glass, but don’t. Save the remainder for morrow. Best that way. New chapter and song, removing nay-say in any day. Should stop by and buy a bottle, for the next time a day like this strikes.
Reminded today that wine is about life— a tidal wave of vivacity and expression, music, love, and communication. Lunch with Paul M., sandwich I’d never before had at Dry Creek paired with that Pinot Blanc from Michele-Schlumberger, and the interaction that transpired, following more reflection in head that precipitated on ride to the delicatessen. My vision was full, as it is now, love and life in this log, this essay of a writing father trying to fit everything in— sitting on floor or living room while wife and babies upstairs sleep, me with this gifted Pinot from PM— huh, just realized, ‘PM’, time of day I’m most essayist, and most internally narrative. Haven’t seen my friend in over five years, we agreed, when I once saw him out on a town night in Napa of all places— and I say ‘of all places’ postured to me, as I’m never there, PM’s home enclave. Nothing abbozzo in my life, currently. All I sketch or paragraph I need release, not just from the interstellar adoration of wine and sentences, but from the commitment, my immovable sight in the atmosphere around me— from when I walk the vineyard on other lunch breaks to when the writer’s seated on the wood floor of his Autumnal Walking base, sipping a Papapietro Perry Pinot, listening to music at the end of an other wise carousel humdrum day.
Also reinforced with the 16th of août, my afflicting affection of so many things in being alive. All around me. As stated with those walks in the Chardonnay and Cab, and Rhône blocks, at Dutcher, wine directs me to certain certainties that are difficult to delineate give the qualification I’ve imbibed this eve. Love and living in this page, and all from where the writer lives, what he sips, the music listened— some mix tape from Thievery Corp’, if I’m not so off. Quiet down here for the writing father— another sip. This write is free, I’m free, and that’s my right as writer. Consider this a direct and staunchly tied reverberation from the conversation with my brother Paul. Sipping the Pinot again and as I tilt back and the light from this laptop extends to the bottom hemisphere of the Govino glass and into my eyes, hearing this obscure track, I think I’m on the Road, traveling, somewhere, writing about wine and all the yay-saying tellings of its voice and cultured angularity. “This doesn’t have to be a ‘dream’.” Wine says. And I agree. Wine with its love shoves me to a savory reality— romantic Hemingwayan notions and Plath pulses, my Feast so Moveable and my Bell Jar fuller than full.
And it’s again reiterated my the components of my moments that this is the mode I’ve chosen. Writer in and of wine. So.. recite more. Keying my notes for the next noted key in my fermented free. If I would have had more time at lunch, who knows what we would have webbed. But that’s a wish. Wine’s at my right, or left, or right, to actualize. No need to act in a guise.
tonight, poems and prose to be read. Jack and I now watch some carton before bed. Only now do I get a chance for prose. Yesterday running the half, going to winery to work event that was even more physically taxing than the race, then home. Now sitting. And no session today till now. Today, whole, with family. Which we needed, which little Keroauc most specifically requested. So I posted the class. Now, everything I write will be sold– blog writing like this is what is temporarily rendered “disposable story”. I may sell it later, but immediately this and other leaps like are merely entries, diarism from the penning cavalier… My attitude becomes freer and more separatist wing flap than anything before, sipping my Claret and thinking about the day with family, how amazing it felt not to have to be a fucking adjunct tonight– not having to be somewhere cuz they said ninjas to– and then they’ll say, “You agreed to the assignment.” Yes, I agreed, not wanted. Were there so many other elections to caress? And like you plate so many more pedagogical aperitifs for the writer. Don’t care what they think anyway so it’s not worth writing. You’ll say I’m being negative but no this fearless curvature quips the yay-sayer’s beckon.
9:27M– both babies asleep, I think. Emma no longer in her bassinet and Jackie cuddling with Ms. Alice, temperament settled for evening, and how much a rich stretch it is to finally write. Wanted to go for a covert run today, at some point, but did little exercises in pool, and will do push-ups throughout night. Vacation on the mind but writing about it the whole time, what writing fathers think about, or me anyway, while babies sleep.– Wife just texted me from Upstairs, “Sure is quiet…” We’re both afraid to go in and check on Ms. Austen, afraid we’ll wake the gorgeous little Victorian from her rest and have to do it ALL over again. Hear movement upstairs, think Alice leaving Jack’s quarters. And then what… She comes downstairs. But to tell me that Jack wants me for a minute to talk before bed, and I think “OH here we go.” I know just how this goes, I go up and we talk then get a little silly, telling jokes and throwing stuffed animals at each other, then Alice comes up to tell us ‘stop it!’, or ‘BEHAVE’, something like that. So I go up and talk to him, Alice comes in to supervise and calm him down in prep for sleep, I go in and check on little Ms. Austen two or three times to makes sure all’s well in her little pack-and-play thing, whatever it’s called. And the night is off, at my desk with a nightcap, glass of the ’13 Taylor I took home last night. Have runner’s guilt, isn’t that funny? I ran 13.1 miles yesterday and I feel like a pig gelatinous right now for not running. Pushups, only solvent.
But holding off a bit, as I’ve been noosed by other pulls from the day, one a picture Alice took of little Kerouac and I walking but Spring Lake, just gone in our moment, not saying a word, looking at the water and the weeds around us, thinking and looking for the next scene ingredient to address in some conversation, some wholeness about our characters— My little Artist is much more sagacious than anything I was, am, or ever will be. Not sure if that’s pathetic that my son’s more adept at so much more than his English Professor and Writer fahter but I’m sharing what I observe, and what I observe I’m not qualified to comment on. He’s a stratosphere, and ionosphere, a mesosphere of manuscript potential, as is his little Victorian sister. Getting distracted by my ideas which happens when you sip any kind of wine in concert with exhaustion, be it half-marathon-caused or not. And now, wine gone. Last sip. I’m learning that the academic institutional clasps that everyone so much wants to be a part of simply abhor me. That’s why I have no takes doubled from calling in tonight. Calling in, and what are they going to do? The ‘They’? I can teach, I will teach, I don’t need some building, some department, some curriculum or joke course “outline”? So funny how they promote and ‘profess’ freedom yet they have these bloody outlines for us. Where’s the freedom in that? “Oh, but —— is one of the most prestigious [or sought-after, or high-ranked, or what the fuck ever] community colleges in the country…” Yeah, so I need them? How does that rattle my written rile? I’ll be more brave, borderline bumptious with my efforts. No one will do a thing, certainly not in the academic world— they’re too convicted and concerned with being academics. Why not writers?— Think I heard something upstairs. Emma? Jack? The writing father again interrupted by his concern and love for the babies. What was that noise? Should get up and go check but I’m too into my words and this moment, at the desk with this empty wine glass I more than plan on filling for one more elixir’d transaction. Feel like Kerouac, yes my son but also my lit hero, here at this wooden surface typing on these keys thinking about tomorrow but how can I even entertain a tomorrow when today hasn’t closed. Too many writer’s act in ripples of absolution when in comes to time. Why not just be in-moment, mold it, act within and around and about it? Not saying I’m right I’m just offering how I’m writing right now in this home office with an empty glass— oh the most begged and predictable symbol of anyone examining one’s own or another’s perspective. ‘Is the glass half-empty or half-full?’ As if they’re so smart when they pose such. No pose from me. See the glass as something I need fill immediately—
Sent email to printer for work, and now I just sip coffee, or mocha and take notes in Comp Book. Got rid of one of my old blogs, and I’m about to target another. A great consolidation has started. Changed my lifestyle, a COMPLETE lifestyle change. Waking early tomorrow morning, and this I have to do. Why… need to get in a short punctuated run before my ‘half’ on Sunday.
Plan on blogging throughout the day, taking pictures, coming up with writing prompts. Today’s a day of teaching and learning. Learning how to be simpler, let encumbered by anything in this life— no more woebegone— and move more freely, more freedom in my freewriting style, my freely written lifestyle. Styling my life in and about the writing, with complete FREEDOM.
Alone in office. Ahead on projects. Rid self of other old blog. Going to stop at the anchoring 3— bx, maddenedread, and vinovinevin. Thought about going down to one blog, but that’s not me. I’m all over-the-place, I know, and why fight it I’m thinking at this old age of 37. Rather, work with it, compliment and embrace it.
‘Nother sip of the mocha and I remember that I made coffee last night. In tumbler, which is in car. One goal for today— Article by day’s end. A mammoth effort. Something to do with happiness, simplicity and singularity. In fact, I very well may rid myself of the other two blogs. Why not. Just have one brand, me, the Bottled OX—
“Walking, no time noose, freely new.” Something I wrote on a discussion board, for a group of entrepreneurs earlier in the week. A happiness, or contentment recipe, for self-understanding and a rounded appreciation of the Now. Walking, not running. Be steady, but don’t afraid to be slow. My story, a writer and teacher—
PROMPT: What you want from today, in 4 words… GO!