Wanted to start writing at 6AM or before but now the clock taunts 6:04 and I regret pulling into the drivethrough line, stuck behind that bitch in the Benz ordering however many drinks she did and sending many of them back. Okay, last time I do that. Greeted by another ghosttown parking lot this A.M., when I pulled in. Today, only rough draft session, then dismiss, so if I could wrap up in an hour or hour-fifteen, I could be back at Autumn Walk for a healthy dose of more writing, reading, maybe find some of my bloody books, hidden from and by the move.
Going to try running today, I’m devoted to just trying. My left knee hurts a bit but not with the fire it did a week or two ago, when at the gym and the IT [band] locked up on me, became insanely sensitive. I want to get into a shape now, right before 36, that will benefit the rest of my life. I want to run races.. yes, MARATHONS. It breaks my heart that I can’t even do the fucking half on the 17– can’t even write about it, ‘cause I know I’ll just become angry, sad, depressed– I don’t notice myself gaining any weight, but I do see myself getting careless with portions. Not out of control, but I notice it. I want to achieve the level of Wellness that I only read about and see in magazines in line at checkout, like my friend Phoebe writes.. I want to enjoy my body and health and be proud of it.. it starts today, actually it started with me seeing all those glorious blueberry muffins in the mailroom just now and passing, turning my head. I need to do the same with wine and artisanal beer. My consumption is not in any way out of control, in fact I’ve been drinking much less since the move started, but I do want 3 or 4 no wine days/nights rather than just one or two. I want to run today, I will– and just before turning left onto Bicentennial from Industrial I saw a woman running, turning left (for her) onto Industrial. I’m estimating this woman to be in, well.. near, her late 40s, early 50s. Somewhere there. And like Dad has always asserted in his Least Common Denominator statement: “If they can do it then I definitely can.” So, I’m running today. And no more than two coffees today, which I accomplished on Tuesday when I was horrendously tired.
My temperament is interesting this morning– I activate internet and without my direction it goes to music– don’t ask me how, why, what happened but there and here it is and I am with Hutcherson’s “Maiden Voyage”. So my mood, disposition, character: calm and ready to close semester, motivated by my chat with Mark yesterday morning, and the wines he tasted me and Kevin through, and then me coming home to open one of my New Dad Cuvée bottles. I will make wine this harvest, and drink even less than I ever have, people will say, and I can just now see it: “Wait.. you’re a winemaker and you almost never drink?” I love the befuddlement, I love the intrigue and the confusion and the story that
creates, the contradiction! It only ads to my “brand” if you will. All to my cynosure, guiding my writing this morning and where bottledaux is going and the death of the teaching blog, death of my faith in academia but not reading, not learning, and NOT THE STUDENTS! If anything, after this term, the classes, notably my 7AM 1A garrison of thinkers/writers/serious-students-for-the-most-part, I’m directed and coached and ready for the Literary World’s field, any game it wants to play, like with this music just finding me, me not having to go to some site…
Yesterday at work, researching offices, or “fun offices”, or “fun cool offices”, finding pictures, getting ideas for my eventual out-of-home base.. and I came across this one blogger who did it, has enough draw and push generated by her blog to do it, and a lot of it, I think or I deduce came from advertising. I’ll set up ads today, somehow, or have my cousin do it (Nick). The Themes: Wine, Writing, Wellness, Art, Life, Teaching, Self-Education, Diary, Mike Madigan.. bloggers, blogging.. all the usual tags, which I need to keep better track. Maybe I shouldn’t go back to ‘AW’, maybe I should stay on campus, stay in office, stay a bit on-edge.. go to the library even, have a second cup there.. Decided: I’m not going home, I’ll rush to the library, set up ads on blog, write more, even borrow a book (Umberto Eco’s “How to Write a Thesis”).. again, I’m not stopping with the teaching, I’m just killing the adjunct disease, making writing and Literature and teaching my own. I hope other adjuncted’s do the same, reinvent themselves rather than whining, and just voicing grievance after grievance, negative barb after after after… Who wants to read that? We’re all dismissed and sent away, and I, an adjunct, am on their side! But I endorse a pragmatic rebellion, getting CREATIVE, fighting back! Which is what I’m doing.
Turned Hutcherson channel’s volume.. and, I think about Time again, and wine, and the business, and the future, a second child, and everything, me a father, Jackie, Alice, Mom and Dad and what they’ve done for my family.. it’s pressure but more a monstrously beatific motivator. Again, that cynosure– branching from the talk with Mark yesterday morning then the tasting of those bottles–the Pinot then the Gerwurtz’, then that ’08 Cab–wine and its whirling theory and overarching dissertation that set a new story for the writer, a new Beat and Road and lecture set– so what do I do with this seismic impetus, this nearly Victorian punctuation of new values and sight, scope sensibility and bewitchedness? Ah the spell… that tie and ghostly amalgamation of wine and Literature that so far only I translate and put into new jazz phylum. And Hutcherson agrees, so does Rollins, Miles, Hancock.. that must mean its right that I write this postmodernly– oh Foucault! My Nature and Equilibrium certainly yesterday stamped. And again I see wine and more than wine more than just some oversimplified luxury item! Indeed it may be a luxury, luxurious, inviting the character to luxuriate in a new.. rollick of sorts.
6:35 and the adjunct is more than alive! So much more! This is the first start and step to this new Wellness set, I’m sure! But I need time to edit. I want this posted before class, and I want to be prepared for class in a way that I never have been, even though we’re onlyworkshoppingthismorning– Look at me, I’m a mess with this animus and lively written rumble– ha, I’d love to see the chair or dean or any of the whores of trustees stop me! It’s interesting, the other night I read an entry from over three years ago on bottledaux, to see what my mood was and where I was character-wise, and geographically, and I came to an entry from off the side of 128, near Lancaster (which I then called “AV Winery”), and I overheard some cyclists talking about wine and already needing some wine, having a demanding workout already before 9AM.. And that seems like only a few months ago. Jack, then, just over three months old. NOW, my little Artist is an energetic and persistent character already with an immovable curiosity and forming ideology; creative impulses, argumentation and observation and desire for Newness. And since then, I’ve battled a tyrannical Kenwood winery, taught several classes and have come to really know who I am as a writer–
6:42, I mean ‘3’, and a sax goes wild on this track, “Starting Over” by Hutcherson. Now a trumpet. All I do has to be jazz, jazzy, jazzed, I need be always jazzed, and show the readers that everything’s music to me, all this from the wine to the teaching and it can be unplanned, in fact that’s where the real ART and expression is.. where you settle on a voice, an identity, or at least know you need to keep the Road extending ever!
Over 1400 words, but can’t post, not yet.. have more to record but it hasn’t happened yet, want to take a couple notes in Composition Book, which is hard to find space in these days, so I can expand and build and wander from those jots.
6:47.. here I go, the semester about to close. No going home till after 1B. And keep my adjunct Life developing away from the adjunctness to my form of “part-time” professor which is entirely more than full-time, more than double what full-time brings as an idea and lifeforce or habit. Look at me go, reader…..
1A meeting done, and I’m in the conference room. Definitely need more coffee but there’s something I want to get done first and that’s a couple chores with the blog. […..] One of them just done. Guess I don’t need to worry about ads at the moment. Need to build traffic and advertise my brand, and my voice and Art and wine LIFE.. so done. I lock onto what Mark said yesterday and the other day about ‘purposefulness’. Need more coffee, this adjunct, and more ideas.. in the adjunct office not the library as I early saw for Self.. so done.. coffee in the library and research– or not! I should drive down to Petaluma and work there. Done. The adjunct in his own fire, lovely.. lovely! This last day of term, more revealing and awakening than the past 18 or 19 weeks, for most dimensionality–