un autre spectacle

3/27/13 — 8:40am.  Leaving for work in a minute.  Thought I’d touch page, or screen, while cartridge is installed, running test print.. Too many thoughts, realizations in head this morning, so early.. taking bag with me to work.. Comp Book & newJournal.  Needing at least three NEW pages.  Writing in car.  Eating lunch fast so I can finish this book in next 5 days.  Somehow.

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Didn’t get to writing in car during lunch.  Just ate in break room cell.  Did scribble a bit before clocking in.  No wine tonight.  Just caffeinated Diet Coke.  Need to be especially razor focused for book.  Want to be to page 60 by night’s end.  The older entries’ll help.  Did a little wine tasting after work, in lab with winemaker compatriot.  2011 Napa Valley Cab.  Thought it wouldn’t be approachable at all, since being a wee ’11.  But, luminously, it had impressive dimension, voice, conviction about its core.

Met another Literary figure in tasting Tent, today.  A professor from a Bay Area University.  This doesn’t happen often, so when it does, naturally I’m a bit excited.  Invited her to read my prose, don’t blame her if she doesn’t.  Know what it’s like to instruct, and the last thing you’ll want to do is read another’s writing.  Just thought I’d offer, as courtesy to a fellow writer.  Believe her specialty was rhetoric, writing.  Interesting.. already ideas bubble for tomorrow’s classes.

Tempted to have some of the bottle Blair gifted, have a glass or two.  But I won’t.  Have to stay focused on entry.  On BOOK.  Pretending I don’t even know what wine is, right now.  Tomorrow night, I’ll treat mySelf to a few glasses, when back from class.  Still no word on Fall, Summer.  Getting a bit frustrated, not going to lie.  Hate the dependency on that income, but that’s a different topic, one I don’t have vigor to address.  Maybe I can write a lecture tomorrow that’ll give them no choice.  A “1 Hit Wonder” approach.  Like a breakthrough single, for a singer/songwriter.  Opening Diet Coke, fantasizing…

My tranche of past entries, ready for deployment to book.  Excited to see how this changes flavor, pervading profile of manuscript till now gathered.  Discussing wine with my friend today, tonight rather, in lab, has me even MORE convinced that winemaking’s the most advantageously stimulating, the most Artistic existential artery for me, in “the industry.” Speaking of making wine.. have to top my barrel, AGAIN, on Friday.  Don’t let me forget, again.  Opening Diet Coke, seriously this time.  Just pretend it’s Napa Cab.

Didn’t take a single note today.  Weren’t enough visitors.  Well, I did meet a nice young couple from Ohio, I believe, expecting their first.  Shoves me further into realization that time’s not waiting for me, the fragile penman..  Jack by the day ages, becoming sovereign character, not only through motion and vocality, but in what we can’t observe– what’s in his mind.  There’s characteristics that haven’t been racked into interactive states, yet.  I’m always asking mySelf, now, “What’s he going to do next?  What else is he planning to show us?” If he’s planning, which I believe he may.  Some will read this and not find it “entertaining.” I’m not writing for YOU.  I write for the Literary types, those thinking, pushing themselves further, beyond what’s just on their screen, on page.  I write for actual readers.

9:12pm.  Coins in dryer, then to store for iced mocha frappuccino,  No more carbonation.  I’m not allowing that poison’s shackle around my system any longer.  Instead.. coffee.  REAL caffeine.  What I’ll need for book completion, reaching tonight’s goal.  60, right?  Page 60?  Yes, reading backwards.  Evermore committed to be free from this seedy complex, after fighting for some parking space, not that I had to actually fight or argue with any nefarious neighbors [and there’re plenty, believe me..], but I did have to search.  With our house, no such occurrence’ll ever take my stage.  Off to book.  The not-free pages.  Opening mocha-themed fuel.  Scribe Self away, to what I truly want, need.  Owe it to so many.. mySelf, my students.  Bent on showing EVERYONE I deserve 2B where I see Self Living, not simply existing.  Closer to Road…  -9:19pm