What I want, what I feel this morning in this chair before hopping into the AE story, last three days of September. Setting up next month, or trying. Know November and December are potentially completely halts and just opportunities to build “funnels” or set up conversations for the next year. When Q4 starts, 2022 starts. That’s how I’m thinking..
8:37 and I’m not even off the ground. How Road started, Sal speaking of one character, his relationship with Dean…. Sometimes I wish I had a character like that then understand the tremendous gravity of the Now, the morning and day, of SELF. Finding it funny and funnier when I stress over sales, and why… and especially now. I’m feeling that morning anxiety of what do I do today, how many businesses should I hit and touch and prospect, court or whatever. You think they want to be cold-called? Would you want to be, I think… fuck no.
Feel like taking a drive to Berkeley, hand out cards to new businesses as Leah told me she did when she first started her aesthetician practice… now she has two locations, telling me yesterday that there are a great number of referrals landing in her lap and I think “How does she do that?” The answer is comically obvious – GET OUT THERE. Yes I know, but…. Yeah, no excuse. What has to be done.
I think pretty much all the humor in sales with me is when I self-doubt, when I complain… when I wonder why I haven’t met my number or like now stressing when I more than have. I’m too much in the meditation and deliberation of the AE story rather than the music…. The day will pass with a serious and spiteful speed, I know. So I the like enact. Moving with this track’s BPM as best I can, one of Tycho’s remixes— Man passes me then another walks out door, one enters and speeds to register to specify his shots or pumps or temp.
I’m on the Road, not thinking. DECIDING. Like Kerouac said, “…I was a young writer and I wanted to take off.” What I’m feeling now, but not wanting to leave. Rather embrace Santa Rosa as bored as I am with her and ingest and embrace and apply everything here. EVERYTHING. Being about and writing EVERYTHING. Young guy just a second ago sitting at table behind me then rising and rushing over to counter when his name’s called. Push and pull of the day attracting me and its Occam’s razor feel… everything is explained. Nothing can be dismissed or shoved to side.
Finally with my hegira. I think. I’m nearly certain, all but universally convinced. What I feel now is precisely what I want and what I’ve been only imaging for over however many years. Je suis ici …. Conversations and characters landing on stage, right to side of the writer. What music follows I guess I have to wait then I have another idea but hold it, keep it hangared.