Cathartic Camion

Starting to think working here at Starbucks is a bad idea.  So just starting the day here.

Have some admin things to touch, and other.  Tempted to clock out for rest of day, starting at noon, and I’m very much tempted and poised to do so.

Shit, just remembered I have a phone appointment at 1.  Okay, 2 then.  Need to separate for a bit, get away from the AE story, recollect and gather self and ideas…

Just sent a note to the direct telling him I’ll be online around 10.  I did it, I did it…. So I guess I’m not posting this line to blog.  Good, this is good for me.

Talked to someone important a second ago and straightened out something that needed such.  More aggression in my writing… thinking Tupac, Hemingway, Plath, Mr. X….  Be more of a loud writer.  I’m too comfortable and too concerned with reaction and I think much of that comes from being a blogger.  Anyhow, I’m here today and I’m new and I refuse to have anymore stress-laced and set days and no more bland cracker days where nothing fucking happens.

I have an hour to self, conscious clear and free and flying.  An azure day of sorts, the feeling I’m getting this morning….  Writing all sentences and thoughts.

Vacation….

My new home, condo or townhouse…..

Wine in Paris with an old friend, she and I writing and walking all over my city.

Waking early like I have before and having something like 2000 words on page before the sun even thinks of introducing itself to the planet.

Mental blocks with two things I have to do today, and don’t know why.  Do them anyway, I tell myself.  I will, I will…. Remember the image of yourself in your new condo typing on a free weekend… running a few miles, then coming home to shower, take a nap, write some more, then have dinner somewhere on the Square.

Nothing changes if nothing changes…..  So, re-shape the whole stage.

Sales, selling… this AE story… on brain.  And why.  What do I want with it, what do I want it to do for me.  And more plainly, what IS it doing…?  Where am I going…. Then an idea, one quite sharp hits me.  Brandish Comp Book and pen.  Notes to self in a sec.  Calming… breathing…. No worries about the day or any new clients or prospective ones, the refunds I need to process and why am I stressed about that?  It’s fucking form.

Then like a runaway 18-wheeler the ease sees and treats me.  Mended.  Have to ditch this backpack except for AE laptop and Comp Book.  Consolidate, be light, free I tell myself.  

These baristas, incredibly interesting in their fast movements and going from one end of behind the bar to other with headset around their crown.  Makes me miss those busy days in the wine industry – the tables and the groups, the sales and how I din’t have to wait weeks to transact.  Friends and new friends, the events, honestly all of it lately…. The vineyard walks, talks with winemakers, the possibility of making my own wine just a few steps THAT way.