54 — “Difference”

Science, Bio, Chem.. ughk.  Never did well in those fields as my sister did.  Questioning if I ever did “well” in English or Lit.. Creative Writing was where I always found my Self, center and voice–  Never heard it this quiet before, in this condo.  I hear a ticking.. it’s that clock up there, atop the TV closet, or armoire.  Nearly time for coffee.  Good, can’t wait.  Waiting for the heater to come on so I can type a bit more heatedly.  Imagining me at a typewriter, with a small shy light one at a wooden table, I feel flawed with this device, its emination that shines to eyes and obstructs concentration, and the phone to my right, that phone, we all have phones, and why?  Talked to my Literary friend Gary yesterday at work, quite a bit at the beginning of the day, and he told me about a book, one of the many books, he read over his break (been a while since I’d seen him) titled ‘Ass-holes’, by some Philosophy professor, can’t remember which university.  I asked him “What’s the book about?” Yes, that trite question that’s insulting and even immature to ask, if you want my angle, but he said it was about social grace and manners and the universal erosion therein-and-of, as I thought, or as the title blatantly infers.  Think I’m going to get this book, and a couple others with some cash I came into yesterday.. don’t want to take up space disclosing how, but I want to buy myself a few gifts.. books, more books…

Hear a motorcycle outside, riling down Yulupa like he wants everyone to know he’s awake early going to work on a Sunday “and if I’m up you’re going to be up, too!” Asshole, just what the book addresses.  Of course.  I’ve always been fascinated by Philosophy and social ethics and morals and who has the right answer–  “So why not change fields, or departments?” No.  That’s what Rachel’s friend did and now she’s going for a teaching cred, leaving higher ed, the university.  Anymore, as I told a group of girls at the end of yesterday’s day, “The adjunct reality is the most successful scam in academic America.” And it is.  And I’m starting to think the same of education, period.  Everything from how much textbooks cost to interest on student loans, to classes available, to what instructors are paid, then the adjunct thing…  I’m just done.  It’s victimhood, and many choose to be victims, or that kind of victim.  And I choose not.  So what will I do?  What do you think…  Write.

Coffee, coffee, COFFEE…  All I can think about, and I’m close to the third page.  Still haven’t typed day 40-whatever, can you believe that?  Maybe I’ll finally get to it on Tuesday, or not.. no don’t make plans.  The quiet here frightens me, or more so unnerves, and I don’t know why, it’s my house, my wife and son are safely asleep upstairs and I’m here doing what I love…