I think about all I have to do and what I should attack first, and what if I forget something… then I remember something else and am distracted by that and not finishing the other thing. STOP, I tell SELF. Of course this is not healthy, I know.
And just now I receive a message— Then an email. This adds to the anxiety.. Then something else. I try selling myself on the fucki-it philosophy. Doesn’t work. What do I do now… prospect more, finally take a shower, go to storage unit…. Work offsite and if so where. Much too wired to take a nap like I’ve done recently, one of my power 30-minutes of closed eye. That actually sounds amazing right now, to be honest.
Then another matter pops up like one of those African gophers that are really cute… what are those called again? Oh shit.. forget to send an email. See what I mean? I need a break. Even from this. I am experiencing more anxious episodes as I get older, but are they “episodes”? That sounds so clinical, and textbook term-y. I breath, I step away, but the shit follows me. Yeah, it could be because of everything going on outside of work, with the shift, but…. Who knows.
10:47, and hungry. No run happening today, of course. Seeing all these runners early in the morning tells me I need to do that and that’s the only way it’s going to happen. Obviously. Idea… go get some breakfast, come back and shower, then head to work offsite. Jackie’s game is at, what, 5:30? Trying to sort everything out and maybe this is what causes it. Maybe a fuck-it/go-with-the-flow approach is better. Hard to do that when you have a quota, but maybe that’s EXACTLY what I need to do.