returned from taking kids to school, but saw Starbucks on Hopper and thought “A latte sounds perfect, and I need to be in the chair.  Sore from yesterday’s run, but I need to shove that aside.  Call at 11, just remembered.  Will run right after then.

Block in mind toward prospecting.  Why…  just look.  Follow map, the KMZ file.  Going business by business, block by block.  Writing that down.

Would love to get run out of the way early in morning, but impossible when Henry wakes like he did today, before 5.  Went back to sleep as he always does and I think I fell back asleep for a bit, but….  Hopefully the call won’t last that long.  And maybe today I don’t go for an hour.  Thinking about it too. much.

Yesterday being Monday didn’t affect me or sting even slightly.  I had the fearless and careless composition about me.  Not only did it feel resplendent, but it yielded results.  Talking self into a like-curve this morning.  Just get on the phone, call… take notes.  Really should get out of the house, in the street.  Thinking maybe I don’t run today.  OR, just do a quick 30 after the call at 11.

Have first call queued.  Why did I get this latte?  Thankfully only 3 shots, had a double espresso when I woke after falling asleep with little Henry on the couch.  Here I am with it… and the keys getting touched, accounts of the morning driving kids on 101 to 12, Bennett Valley Road to their school.  Walking Emmie to her class with her big brother, seeing an old college friend, Rachael and her daughter Hope, noticing how different she looks from our SSU days – when we were in that play together.  Think that was 1999.  Jesus… ‘nother time reminder.  It moves quicker, quicker, just not caring how I’m hurt or stunned.  Writing my way through it with this Sonny Rollins track.  All these ideas flashing though my head like derailed trains with t lights on as it turns and swirls clockwise or counter, countering my urge to be honed and focused.

I reason to stop typing, get up from the desk and walk away for a minute, maybe five even.  Fence guys here, think this is their last day or second to last.  My business idea, or project, or something, #prospectesk, needing attention.. more notes.  And just NOTES.  No sentences, no paragraphs, just honest jots, possibilities.  I’m the first client, I pretend.  Needing help attracting new leads and here with a nearly dry funnel… what do I do, I’d ask.  What do you want?  More leads, strong leads, Enterprise-level…. OKAY, what are you doing to attract what you say you want?

That’s the question.  THE, question.

Left voicemail, contacted a couple IT consultants over LinkedIn.  Found new beat, new music in my business architecture, mentally.  Now… keep pushing… simplify, condense, make less tense.  Blast through this imagined, self-doubt fence.  Hop over it, blast through it, or just don’t acknowledge it’s there.. feel self-doubt, do it anyway.  That’s the most useful and universal tool.