When I am fully self-employed,

img_7859will I be scared?  I mean, will I totally just flip the fuck out, become some how manic, and maybe in a way that benefits me?  I hope so, ‘cause it’s been a struggle getting to that day, where I go to MY office for MY workday, talk to MY clients and just build MY brand.  And part of me feels like I’m already there, or just before that leap where I realize, “Okay, Mike, you’re on your own!” Great.  I think. Is it great?  If I dive into delirium like this so quick, there’s no way I’ll be “great”.

And, if I’m self-employed, like one of those one-man-band types, who’s HR?  If I have some kind of complaint, or am having a bad day and I think it’s task-related, to whom do I turn?  Know I’m overthinking everything at this stage and technically I haven’t really started.  Well, I’m trying with whole “word of mouth” and brand-building, jotting notes whenever an ideas lands in my head.  But, getting to that raving and rabid stage so soon… yeah, I need to calm down.

Somebody at one point told me running a business is always a farm— and there’s always tons of shit to shovel on a farm.  Not sure if I like the analogy, or am encouraged by it, but it tells me something.  That any preemptive angst or worry, or even the over-planning and overdose of thinking is understandable, just not needed.  Not helpful.  There is no textbook for this.  There is no template for this.  There’s no ‘thing’ for this, starting and running and later existing in self-sufficiency from your business, right?  And I’m seriously asking, ‘cause if you know I’d love it if you shared that book or pamphlet series with me.

I do want to know who HR is in my business.  I want to complain about the owner, how he’s always complaining, always whining that things aren’t happening fast enough for him.  Yeah, I’m confessing I’m impatient.  That stops with this article, okay?  So does any complaining.  Okay, so I AM HR…  Just build the story, take notes, be crazy with ideas, and I mean batshit creative-crazy with images and plans, the image you see the plans taking you.  I’m talking to myself, so you know, not trying to sound like some beetle-brained “guru” who only has such a title from self-knighting him or her self.

My office.  Well, I guess it’s right here, where I’m sitting at my current job, but in my head— yes, the office of this article’s sculptor is in his head.  He sees everything there.  The chalkboard is there, the war room is there, the steps that will get him to HIS workdays and HIS clients, HIS desk with HIS view, are all there.  That, I’m finding, is the solvent for attaining self-employment: knowing yourSELF, and that you decide to employ that SELF.  “Yeah,” I realize, “I AM already there.” It’s liberating, I’m finding.  No overthought required.  Just action.  Trusting your Self.  Now, no reason for complaints or doubt.  And, I’m not scared.  Not microscopically.

(10/21/16)

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