Ready for class, more

or less, but I drag myself from one word to another, tired from day and swimming in the pool, under a sun which wasn’t intense so much as it was always hitting me.  So the writer’s a bit burnt, and tired.  Sipping the cinnamon-sewn coffee I brewed at home, a double which I’m almost at the end of.  Bloody hell.  Now what do I do?  Just breathe, talk to the student.  You have to 500+words above prepared.  No, nothing to hand back, but no big deal.  Just teach, have fun, enjoy class— “Have a good class,” as so many say to me.  And I will, all possible snarky returns I could here type, I appreciate the thought.  I will have an outstanding class this evening, this 3rd day of my 30 project.  And where am I going?  Further into a consolidated chorus of ideas.

Going to bed when wife does this evening, and in my running clothes.  Tomorrow will certainly test the writer, waking early to run then rush-readying for work, and while at work working and in between wine-related breaths prepping for class.  But if I can just get the timing of everything right, get it to a flawless form, I’ll be closer to my travels, those books I’ll write while out in the world, the world that’s actually ‘the’ world.  When you’re in the same spot, seeing the same thing, doing the same thing, that’s not ‘the world’.

Keep moving, I tell myself.  Any parent knows how this feels, when you have to work but are tired and don’t want to be at work but just want to be at home with your babies.  So here I am.  In such a spot.  Want to do some reading tonight, some cleaning of the office.  Wrote on my makeshift notebook the other day at work that this 30 project very much is about change, real change of character, showing myself I can change, and instituting a staying change.  Not just saying I want to be something and live a certain way and doing nothing to acquire it— live it.  No, I will live how I want, a writing traveling, poet, teacher, runner (REAL runner, I mean).

Tired, more than I was a couple minutes ago.  What do I do to wake self?  Think… think…..  what can I do?  How can I jazz myself for class, be more excited and forget how bloody tired I am?  Make it part of your routine, tonight.  Being tired, how you snap yourself out of it.  Ask the students what they do?  I’ve overthinking this, as I so many times do.  So, done, solves.  Sip my coffee and feel a phantasmagoric jolt in my stationing here in the conference room.  Not in the mood to be in my office which isn’t even my office but that shared bloody office for the adjuncties.

So quiet in here.  Love it.  Can I just stay here?  Can I go to the adjunct cell, take a nap?  Can’t lie, I am honestly thinking about it.  What if I just let them go tonight, have them read, hold an office hour which no one will show to?  No… I want to teach tonight.  I’m a REAL teacher, one who throws ideas so rapidly the student can’t help but be inspired and if not inspired then certainly interested in some what.