In just under a month, regular instruction will be over. 

6:51 in the adjunct cell with my coffee,thinking… about what I don’t know.  One thing: some incredible efforts and successes by people from my old neighbor hood.  One, a guy I was quite close with all throughout grammar school, starting his own fitness business, carving himself into an admirable physical condition, and again.. starting his own business from that place he’s brought himself to.  The other, a tireless blogger and writer like myself, content producer, and also a physically-honed figure.  This latter friend has also become extremely active in politics, stopping drinking nearly altogether, and sharing his knowledge of politics with his followers and writing from there, and writing everything.  This latter friend also hosts workout sessions in Golden Gate Park, I think, or somewhere in the city.  He also does club promotions and sponsors events, the latest being a gathering for support of Bernie Sanders (whom I also am giving my support this election).  Then, there’s a student in my 1A class, utterly entranced by Toni Morrison, saying how she reminds him of a teacher he had in high school, how she encouraged him to write and be himself and not focus on the academic reality of the writing, to just write.  The student, ‘A’, also was wonderful about doing the suggested reading of Morrison’s Paris Review interview, nearly able to recite it word for word, from memory.  This student is a truck driver, distribution for breweries.  He HAS to get up at 4 in order to be at launching station at 5 or earlier.  OF course this only further frustrates me as I’m anything but able to get up at that hour, or at least I tell myself that.  These characters, all three, show me something in the realm of development and meditation, that what I want is attainable, and that excuses only compile and corrode.  This morning with the 5-ers.. I’m going to send them on their way, have an office hour which I’m sure not many will hang around for, then I return to the office to start the newsletter, finish the writings I’ve been wanting to sell.. change my reality, completely.  Be seen how I want to be seen, how I see the above characters.  Sip coffee…

Only 1 beer and 1 glass of Dutcher’s ’13 PR Cab last night.  The second friend noted in something he recently wrote that alcohol provided the most significant hinderance from achieving the physical condition he’s now enjoying, and about himself studying.  I feel that my enjoyment of wine, and some artisanal beers not many, keep me from waking at 4.  Keep me from being the professor I want to be.  Keep me from running full marathons (yes I still want to…).  Not that I have a problem, but I do have a glass or two too late in evening, too often.  And this needs to stop.  So it does.  Tonight.  Last night me switching to 7UP, also from having a bit of an agitated gut, not sure from what.  But just know, reader, change and development, Newness, is all around me.  And in my character’s circuitry and traversings.

Ready for class.  Again, office hour.  Just going to send them off.  Already know one student who wants to meet— wrote down a thought with which to leave them/send them off.  Hoping for another 3,000 word day today, like Monday, but we’ll see.  I used to think the word count didn’t matter, then I did, didn’t.. well, now I do again.  It gives me a measure, a goal, something visual to enjoy and or reflect upon.

7:07—  Newsletter.  How long.  Two pages, first issue, see how it lands with readers?  Make it weekly?  Send out Sunday night, before Monday?  Don’t name it anything too different— I’m the Bottled Ox, writing on bottledaux.com… so how ‘bout ‘Awks’?  Maybe… well, yes.  awk, as in AWKWARD.  Life is awkward and you deal with the awkwardness in your own way, creatively and thoughtfully, so you don’t go down some destructive or self-loathing path… hmmm… shit have to go to class, or, again, to send them off.  I could be back in here before 8, or 8:30, if all well goes!